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Everyone's situation is different. All my friends complain about this or that challenge with the kids. I'm fortunate because I'm a school social worker, and work with so-called "problem-children,' yet never had any problems resolving difficult issues with any of them once we were one-on-one.
I have the same thing to say about my own children when they were still under my own roof. Nothing they did was out of the ordinary to me. I've never failed to find a solution for every problem in my own home... save ONE!. I'll tell you all what that one is if enough people ask for it.
My retirement years are fast approaching, and i just thought I should put some of my experience and training to good use by addressing YOUR #1 parenting challenge. I promise to reply to each and every post to the best of my ability.
The thing I struggled with the most I think was that their strengths were not the same as mine. Academic subjects in particular - abilities that came so easily to me that I took for granted. Until it didn't come naturally to them and I just couldn't understand what was seemingly so very "obvious". It was very frustrating for all of us. Eventually they figured out what worked for them and learned to use the skills they had (which were different than mine - and some of their strengths are things I struggle with ). It all worked out fine in the end but I lost a lot of sleep over the years worrying what I did wrong that my kids didn't enjoy reading (despite my reading to them and doing everything I was supposed to do to encourage it) or why they struggled with standardized testing or whatever.
My child (5) has low self-esteem and is often unhappy. I have no idea what to do. We give him everything we can and have a nice life, but he is still unhappy. School seems to be a big part of the problem - he hates it. He doesn't have the greatest teacher or the greatest school, but the other kids seem fine. We are doing therapy right now, but it's just started. It isn't covered by our insurance, so even with our good salaries we can't afford it forever (it's close to 1000 per month). Thinking of moving him to private school next year, but it will be a huge financial burden and I'm worried it won't help.
Did not read the OP closely enough. Thought it was a discussion not an advice column or fodder for a a book. No reply necessary as my kids are grown.
Discussion actually works for me too, maciesmom. Made me wonder if I'd have reacted any different from you if I had the same situation. My daughter has different talents from me as well, but some are similar. All my three sons are so much like me, its a little scary sometimes. Now I think about it, my daughter is the one I have to work hardest to stay connected with.
Which brings up another discussion point. I wonder if there is any norm when it comes to college kids and staying in touch?
1) Oldest child (age 4) sleeping in bed with us. Drives me nuts. Haven't been able to figure out how to evict her yet without creating a nightmare situation.
2) Constant talking of oldest child. Never have any peace and quiet.
3) Oldest child is picky eater and refuses to eat what we give her for dinner. Since she is in the 5th percentile by weight, we need her to eat.
I know you're worried sick, but you're making good moves. Consultation with a professional is a good thing. The fact that you won't be able to sustain that isn't necessarily a bad one either. But if your instincts are telling you that the problem originated at school, sometimes you have to give clear objectives to the therapist as to your goal.
Is private school the only other option? I've advised parents to do whatever it takes to get children out of educational environments that are chronically traumatic. Out here in the Caribbean, just enrolling them in a different school is sometimes an option. In the U.S., it might mean having to actually move to a different neighborhood if that is at all possible. I know you're worried it won't help, but once again, you're correct in thinking it has the biggest chance of turning things around.
That oldest child is definitely a lot to handle. I'm guessing the one that comes right after her isn't far behind in age?
Is it possible to move into 4-year old's sleeping space until she falls asleep? That works sometimes. With my daughter, who was very clingy, that meant i would often wake up in the middle of the night being the only one in her bed while she had crept off to go sleep with her Mommy. But it eventually made a difference...especially when Mommy shared duties.
Some children are naturally more talkative, but if your inner emotional reaction is frequently irritation, then that's often a red flag you're dealing with an attention-seeker who needs to feel more connected. You may have to brush up on your 're-direction" skills. This has to do with helping her get the attention she seeks in more positive ways. What does that look like? Giving her more responsibilities and following up, getting her involved with projects or useful chores around the house that aren't just activities to keep her busy, leaving her pursue engaging activities she takes a natural liking to...that sort of thing. This will challenge your creative energy...stuff that makes her feel like her presence is highly valued as part of your family's identity. Takes some patience too, but you'll learn a lot, and the payoff is huge.
Last edited by LivNice; 02-23-2015 at 09:35 PM..
Reason: typos
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). It all worked out fine in the end but I lost a lot of sleep over the years worrying what I did wrong that my kids didn't enjoy reading (despite my reading to them and doing everything I was supposed to do to encourage it) or why they struggled with standardized testing or whatever.
Did not read the OP closely enough. Thought it was a discussion not an advice column or fodder for a a book. No reply necessary as my kids are grown.
Lot to handle
