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I know a lot of toddlers go through biting phases but I thought it was generally with younger toddlers (she's nearly 4). Its been going on for a couple of weeks, since the last time she had visitation with her dad, and she's only biting me, not other children. It really bloody hurts though and I don't know how to deal with it.
I spoke with her daycare teacher and she said that she's noticed that her temper has gotten worse - she gets really angry when I pick her up from daycare, shouting and hitting, and now biting as well, same whenever she doesn't get her way at home.
perhaps some time in the time out chair might do her some good and maybe investigate a little more why she is so angry . why she is hitting and getting angry and now biting . There is usually a reason for this . maybe she does not realize it hurts as bad as it does . My son when he was really little about 3 bit the dog and the dog bit him back (just nipped him) and he realized how bad it hurt and that stopped him completely from the biting habit . But just saying maybe she does not know how bad it hurts .
I put her in time out every time she does it, and I talk to her afterwards and explain that it hurts and why she shouldn't do it but its not sinking in. The cat has bitten her a few times so I think she realises biting hurts - and she's seen the bruises she leaves on me.
It sounds like some issue with going away. It could just be as simple as she feels abandoned by you when she goes with her dad, even if she has a fine time with him. I don't think there is an easy answer for that, it might be worth enlisting a child centered therapist to navigate this issue.
She has been more clingy than usual these last two weeks, not wanting to go to daycare (although she has a good time there and doesn't want to leave when I pick her up) and not wanting to go to bed until I get home on my evening out but the last couple of days she was asking to go to her dad's (he picked her up yesterday). She just seems a bit all over the place with her emotions, maybe a child psychologist or therapist would be a good idea, don't know how long the wait for that would be.
Does she have older siblings?* Does she get a say in anything about her daily routines?
Along with what others have said, I'll just throw this out as another possibility. Could she feel she has no control or say in things going on around her? If not, can you give her some "power"?
Examples:
Let her choose this outfit or that
Let her put on her own clothes and/or shoes (if you don't already)
Let her help with meal choices
Give her a chore or more that is uniquely her own (don't forget to praise a job well done)
Make sure older siblings respect her space and stuff
Listen to her and get her input on different things (even if it's not going to change your direction, people need to be heard)
Make sure siblings are listening to her and respecting her thoughts
It definitely sounds like she's frustrated about something and doesn't know how to communicate it yet. Where does she feel "powerless"?
I really have to work at getting my 4 year old to talk in full sentences (she can), and to say please. I think some of it is due to her older siblings' overbearing ways .
Also, minimize tv and make sure she's getting enough sleep.
*Siblings need to work out some stuff on their own. But mine, for example, are spaced apart by several years (14, 9, 4) - I don't always let them work it out alone, the age discrepancy is too big and the oldest would always "win".
EDIT: Just reread your OP, I'm sure she's feeling powerless about some things going on between you and her dad. Do either of you speak ill of the other in front of her? Are you arguing in front of her? Are there other things about the situation between you and the dad that make her feel scared, guilty, lonely, or powerless? I'd take a good long look at that situation.
She doesn't have any siblings. She doesn't have much control over her clothing at the moment because of the weather (she wants to wear dresses all the time but she can't wear them outside, but I let her choose if we're just staying in) and she won't put on her own clothes even if I let her, but I have been rushing her a lot lately with dressing which probably is stressful for her.
I don't speak ill of her dad in front of her but she might be picking up on some of my frustration with him hearing me on the phone with him. I do try and shut down arguments immediately if she's in earshot but sometimes he continues. Visitation has been a bit messed up lately because his circumstances have been difficult so its been out of the normal routine but that's happened a lot in the past without much issue I think.
She doesn't have any siblings. She doesn't have much control over her clothing at the moment because of the weather (she wants to wear dresses all the time but she can't wear them outside, but I let her choose if we're just staying in) and she won't put on her own clothes even if I let her, but I have been rushing her a lot lately with dressing which probably is stressful for her.
I don't speak ill of her dad in front of her but she might be picking up on some of my frustration with him hearing me on the phone with him. I do try and shut down arguments immediately if she's in earshot but sometimes he continues. Visitation has been a bit messed up lately because his circumstances have been difficult so its been out of the normal routine but that's happened a lot in the past without much issue I think.
As for clothes, I let mine wear a dress over warmer clothes if they really must have a dress. They never seemed to care if it matched, and I don't care either - it's a win-win . Though fancy dresses for playing outside are a no-no for me.
I can't comment on the morning rush, we go through that too some days. People would say to get up 15 minutes earlier so you could be more relaxed, but I'm not a morning person and can't recommend it myself . Besides, I find it's just 15 more minutes of stressful shenanigans before still rushing late out the door, LOL.
As for the rest, she's getting older now and may be registering more of what's going on around her and feeling helpless or upset about it. I'd still recommend finding ways that she can control small portions of her environment. And listen, even if it won't change anything. All my kids talk to me about all kinds of stuff when we're alone. And around the age of 4 or so, they seem to be non-stop prattlers. Try to zoom in and pay closer attention. She may be saying things that will help pinpoint her concerns when it's not the heat of the moment. Or you can ask questions during those calm times that might pinpoint things. Asking questions when they're mad doesn't seem to explain much, in my experience. They're mad, and don't know why.
Some people will recommend routine. That's fine and dandy for people with the option. The rest of us will have to find other ways to adapt.
As for clothes, I let mine wear a dress over warmer clothes if they really must have a dress. They never seemed to care if it matched, and I don't care either - it's a win-win . Though fancy dresses for playing outside are a no-no for me.
I can't comment on the morning rush, we go through that too some days. People would say to get up 15 minutes earlier so you could be more relaxed, but I'm not a morning person and can't recommend it myself . Besides, I find it's just 15 more minutes of stressful shenanigans before still rushing late out the door, LOL.
As for the rest, she's getting older now and may be registering more of what's going on around her and feeling helpless or upset about it. I'd still recommend finding ways that she can control small portions of her environment. And listen, even if it won't change anything. All my kids talk to me about all kinds of stuff when we're alone. And around the age of 4 or so, they seem to be non-stop prattlers. Try to zoom in and pay closer attention. She may be saying things that will help pinpoint her concerns when it's not the heat of the moment. Or you can ask questions during those calm times that might pinpoint things. Asking questions when they're mad doesn't seem to explain much, in my experience. They're mad, and don't know why.
Some people will recommend routine. That's fine and dandy for people with the option. The rest of us will have to find other ways to adapt.
All the best.
She has to wear rainsuits or snowsuits outside and they don't really work over a dress unfortunately but she has a lot of tunic tops that she views as 'dress-tops' so I compromise with those. I'll try giving her more choice over what trousers and top to wear (though gah it makes me cringe if she's wearing mismatched clothes but I know I need to just get over that)
Neither of us are morning people, if I wake her up earlier she gets in a bad mood but its only 9 days a month usually that we have to get up early and rush, the rest of the time I just rush because I lose patience, not good I know.
Maybe she is just becoming more aware of the problems in her life. She's been through really stressful and traumatic stuff before but always seemed to cope fine, very adaptable, but maybe she's not so adaptable any more. I'm not sure she could explain how she feels if I asked her though. She speaks really well but she gets easily confused and doesn't understand more complicated things like why is she feeling a certain way and things like that.
She has to wear rainsuits or snowsuits outside and they don't really work over a dress unfortunately but she has a lot of tunic tops that she views as 'dress-tops' so I compromise with those. I'll try giving her more choice over what trousers and top to wear (though gah it makes me cringe if she's wearing mismatched clothes but I know I need to just get over that)
Neither of us are morning people, if I wake her up earlier she gets in a bad mood but its only 9 days a month usually that we have to get up early and rush, the rest of the time I just rush because I lose patience, not good I know.
Maybe she is just becoming more aware of the problems in her life. She's been through really stressful and traumatic stuff before but always seemed to cope fine, very adaptable, but maybe she's not so adaptable any more. I'm not sure she could explain how she feels if I asked her though. She speaks really well but she gets easily confused and doesn't understand more complicated things like why is she feeling a certain way and things like that.
She might not say it the way you or I would, but it may come out unexpectedly in more subtle or off the wall ways. You can also check out her pictures and ask her what's going on in them. If there are sad faces, she might explain what's up with that.
I actually ask my kids about their pictures for fun and have gotten a very good idea of what's going on in their heads at different times (sometimes I've had them dictate their stories and I write them on the back of the pictures). But I digress a bit.
Or here's a thought...She could also just be going through "terrible 4's" instead of "terrible 2's" . Both my older kids did; I honestly didn't know what to do initially when the 3rd went the "normal" route of "terrible 2's".
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. Though fancy dresses for playing outside are a no-no for me.
. Besides, I find it's just 15 more minutes of stressful shenanigans before still rushing late out the door, LOL.
. Both my older kids did; I honestly didn't know what to do initially when the 3rd went the "normal" route of "terrible 2's". 
