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"Dad being arrested" is a much less subtle situation to understand than, say, the complicated history and relationships between half-siblings or exes and in-laws.
No one said that you said children were stupid. Children are highly underestimated! They do have ears and brains. They comprehend so much more than the majority of adults give them credit for. Complex family issues were my specialty! People were always blown away with what I knew. Hellllllo....I have ears and a brain. I'm not deaf or dumb.
Location: Scott County, Tennessee/by way of Detroit
3,352 posts, read 2,824,164 times
Reputation: 10348
Quote:
Originally Posted by crazyme4878
If you invited other grandma with, you could use it as a time to figure out plans for the future. You said she is 65, not in the best health and doesn't have secure housing. This duo needs help. If something happens to other-grandma, either medically or government wise, you want to make sure you are next in line, not foster care.
I would talk to other-grandma and see what she thinks about Thanksgiving. Explain that your husband isn't up for having many guests, as you are still trying to sort out the move, but you are both excited at having the grandson there. Then present her with both options: one, that you could imagine this would give her a much needed bbreak, but, on the otherhand, it would be a great time to discuss future visits and needs now that you are closer (make sure you are clear that you are looking to support her efforts, not surplant her). If she seems interested in grandson going alone, offer to meet with her over lunch to "catch up" and maybe discuss future visits.
I do think asking to split them up for the first time over a major holiday is a bit much, but I think you could use this time to ensure future visits are other-grandma free. Perhaps your husband will be able to handle this visit if he knew it was the last one.
You are dead on.. My husband loves that boy... and we will put up with the grandma because he wants her there and her stories of woe....It is just such a mess...but we will get through it!! I said about I felt sorry for him because the chaos is a constant... We decided that he and grandma will be here... Us picking them up of course..we realized it's his family too...we love him..thanks for the advice!;!
Location: Scott County, Tennessee/by way of Detroit
3,352 posts, read 2,824,164 times
Reputation: 10348
And to thinking the grandma is OK and give her a break....she has no money..but enough to buy her a carton of Basics..and smoke like a chimney...in front of him...he has asthma....from smoke...his dad did too...She ended the conversation with they had some testing at school for height and weight and he is in the,97% for weight and 35% for height...and I quote". SHE SAYS HE'S SHORT AND FAT... I was aghast...and the poor kid standing there and says... Grandma... I am not fat... I heard him on the phone...He is 8..not to mention the N word every 3 seconds... My huband was sickened...Thank goodness he ignored her for saying that...It is a mess..but we will get through it..thanks everybody!!;He wants her here.. She will be here...for him... And maybe like someone said..we can talk to her..thanks again....
Location: Scott County, Tennessee/by way of Detroit
3,352 posts, read 2,824,164 times
Reputation: 10348
And they look so much alike!;! We decided to find a pet friendly motel since we have a dog..in Beckley WV and stay there and then drive back 4 and a half hrs... It is a lot to drive and turn around again..and drive back..it is horrible to be tired with the little guy.....the grandma is coming and they will be here for 4 days.he asked and that's OK.....she asked me if we had a food processor...Hey if I don't post for a few days.. Look for me...haha.. thanks everybody for listening...
The only person here that needs help is you, for thinking so harshly of this poor little boy and his caregiver. Dr Phil would eat you for lunch.
Come on, the OP has voiced serious concerns and a lot of frustration - she certainly hasn't thought "harshly" of her grandson, but wants what's best for him.
OP, hang in there. No doubt four days of Other Grandma and Grandson will provide a much clearer picture of the situation, so you will know better what the issues are and what is feasible for you and your husband to do to address at least some of them. Good for you for keeping in touch with your grandson. I hope he can visit you - alone - between Christmas and New Year's and during school vacations. This would give OG a break and give you larger presences and more influence in his life.
Hope your Thanksgiving goes as happily as possible.
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