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I don't agree with a "stranger" who is allegedly a counselor, to talk to my child on family personal traumatic matters. The counselors that we have used for our children have always had their credentials posted clearly...no faking at being counselors.
You should hug the child often and have long talks and walks and dialogs and often as possible on, they "ways of things in life, some pleasant some not so pleasant etc.," THEY TRUST FAMILY. Even young children can decide NOT to tell mom or dad things that upset them. Mom and dad might not have the tools (those things that counselors go to college to learn) to get their children talking. You have no idea who the counselor is where they were bought up and what their mind set is. NO interference in family matters from the outside is best. Interference?! Are you one of those people who view doctors and therapists as nosey busybodies? What you call interference is called help by many others people...
Constant protection and dialog until the child is settled and "gets it," by speaking freely and less disturbed on the matter.
When speaking of the unpleasant try to inject other pleasant things......like the funny thing and the good thing the departed did while still on earth etc:
"Professional help" is of no use to young children. I don't know what your experiences have been with your own children and counseling, but we have had several counselors over the years for all three of our children and they certainly were useful. Outsiders can cause more anxiety and confusion. Not if it is approached in the right way. "Outsiders" (a trained counselor or therapist) can ease the anxiety and confusion that is already happening. FAMILY IS EVERYTHING to a young one. And this little girl just watched her grandfather hurting her uncle (not really, but that is how she took it).
Never hurts to talk to someone. Some people (even young children) are more comfortable talking to a stranger than a parent.
Professional help for children who are traumatized IS ABSOLUTELY NEEDED.
Even if you capitalize random words, professional help is not needed for every trauma in life.
Sometimes it helps. Sometimes clear explanations, love and support will carry the day.
I am at a loss at how a "trained professional" will get to the root of the pain for a four year old. I've worked with child therapists who deal with young children who have been the victim of abuse, who've experienced trauma of car wrecks and so forth. Do you know what they do? They help the child put their thoughts, reactions, feelings into words. They assure them that they are not cause of the things. They help them make sense of situations.
The people who love the child can do the same thing. It is not magic.
The idea that "trained professionals" are always best is nonsense. They certainly can be helpful. But a "trained professional" is not going to magically "fix" things for a four year old.
If the people who love the child are unable to talk about things, unable to provide the support needed during this troubling time, then by all means it's off to the "trained professionals. Go talk with the school counselor if that helps folks feel better.
I've worked with school counselors, therapists, and other "trained professionals" for decades. Most of them are insightful, caring people. I've work on Crisis Response Teams for years. I've referred families for counseling on countless occasions.
But sometimes all this racing off to get professional help blows things out of proportion There is a fair amount of research that shows victims can and are retraumatized by this insistence that they continue to dwell on an event.
She saw her Grandpa try to resuscitate his son. She was no doubt affected by how upset the people around her were than the pounding on the chest. It was likely a confusing, upsetting time. Explain it to her. Listen to her. Love her.
If the family is in too much grief to do that, than by all means haul her off to a "trained professional."
really you are a professional? Then you realize that children often have very hidden fears that aren't obvious to adults. That children almost always put themselves at fault. And that unresolved trauma can impact the rest of a child's life.
I dont see how asking a therapist for support though this very unusual and traumatizing event is thought of so poorly. My child's therapist didn't just "explain" it to her, she got her talking and drawing and got to the root of her pain and fears. She worried about things I would have never imagined. No one is suggesting she have her daughter locked in a psych ward, just suggesting she get professional guidance.
You are a professional and all you do is tell people its ok to be sad and explain what happened? Thats sad.
Yep. I really am a "trained professional." Got the degrees and all. Worked on Crisis Response Teams for years in a couple different states.
What I think is sad is that everyone is so quick to jump on the bandwagon of hauling a 4 year old off to see "trained professional" with the expectation that that will fix things. It can be helpful, no doubt about it. But so can a family who will normalize the experience, help her understand the situation and her feelings.
As I wrote, if that isn't enough, by all means off to the therapist.
In fact, the whole family would likely benefit from a chance to process the situation, deal with the grief. Imagine coming home to find your son dead of an overdose.
I don't see a problem with taking her to professional therapy or a counselor to see where she is at in regards to her emotions.
From the original post it is obvious there is something going on that she cannot articulate with her words just from the description of her changed behavior as written by the original poster.
Some picture therapy could help her tremendously and I see no harm in having her at least evaluated or at the very least some observation of her play time.
I don't see a problem with taking her to professional therapy or a counselor to see where she is at in regards to her emotions.
From the original post it is obvious there is something going on that she cannot articulate with her words just from the description of her changed behavior as written by the original poster.
Some picture therapy could help her tremendously and I see no harm in having her at least evaluated or at the very least some observation of her play time.
There is nothing wrong with hauling her to a therapist. Nothing at all.
What I have tried to explain is that there is also a lot her family can do to help out as well. Talk with her about what happened, read her some books about dealing with loss, help her understand, such as 4 y/o can, about death, help her learn to grieve...
I have worked with families who have experienced trauma. I've seen what works and what doesn't. I've worked with some terrific professionals who've made a world of difference in children's life. Even they will tell you that there is no trained professional on earth that can replace a a loving family who listens.
But I give up. Seems some are determined to believe that an hour a week with a "trained professional" will solve life's traumas. Far be it from me to keep pointing out that some common sense be employed here.
What I got from your post is that you are advocating no therapist at all and what I am saying is it won't hurt to have her evaluated.
Once evaluated the parents can make a decision what they feel would be best for their child, I'm not saying absolutely take her to a therapist without family interaction as well.
In my years of working with families I saw way too many blow off the needed therapy for a child who survived trauma and the child end up with many more issues than they should have had because of it.
*I worked with child welfare for 15 years, been there done that as well*.
There is nothing wrong with hauling her to a therapist. Nothing at all.
What I have tried to explain is that there is also a lot her family can do to help out as well. Talk with her about what happened, read her some books about dealing with loss, help her understand, such as 4 y/o can, about death, help her learn to grieve...
I have worked with families who have experienced trauma. I've seen what works and what doesn't. I've worked with some terrific professionals who've made a world of difference in children's life. Even they will tell you that there is no trained professional on earth that can replace a a loving family who listens.
But I give up. Seems some are determined to believe that an hour a week with a "trained professional" will solve life's traumas. Far be it from me to keep pointing out that some common sense be employed here.
Clearly, the OP is doing all those things and she still has concerns. If you read her posts you can see that. Again, no one is saying for her to drop her off at the therapists office, problem solved. Just that she sounds concerned, she has reasons to be concerned, she wants to make sure she does everything her daughter needs to process this. As I suggested, her daughter might not need any one on one therapy. a therapist can guide the mother to make sure she addresses her daughters fears just by hearing whats going on, seeing some drawing, etc.
I can't imagine what you do in the field of trauma.
I think the strong reaction from many people is that they have experienced trauma as children and it changed who they were
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