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Old 11-17-2014, 01:29 PM
 
49 posts, read 61,263 times
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Don't have a kid if you are not sure. You can't change your mind and it's not fair to the kid if he is not wholeheartedly loved by a parent. Just don't.
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Old 11-17-2014, 01:34 PM
 
1,192 posts, read 1,569,116 times
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I guess its possible that people fear being called 'awful' if they say they regret having a child and so they don't say it.

As for me, I am praying everyday for a second one. i hope the miracle happens soon.
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Old 11-17-2014, 01:35 PM
 
12,053 posts, read 10,224,090 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Irish Eyes View Post
Because people think you're a monster if you say something like that. But I'm sure it contributes to the divorce rate. I know 2 different people whose husbands have left while their children were toddlers. They see the kids once a week 'when they can'. I am certain these men regretted having children, there is no way you could leave them and reduce your presence in their life to a lunch out here and there otherwise.
Exactly! I can't understand how someone can turn their backs on their babies once they are here! And I say this as someone who never wanted kids. I like kids, just never wanted the responsibility. And it never really ends. My sister is raising a grand-daughter and great granddaughter. Not just raising, but has custody of both. Her daughter is a mess. And my sister was one of those that always wanted kids, but got dealt a bad hand in this case.

And saying who will take care of you in your old age? Gee - what is this "like water for chocolate" movie. I've been asked that and also told I should have kids so I would have someone that loves me - talk about having low self esteem - you have to produce your own cheering section, now? LOL!

If you have the urge and know you will be a good parent and provider - go for it. If you do not - don't.

If you don't want kids, but still somehow reproduce - put your needs aside please and make sure you are the best parent you can be!

Last edited by Clemencia53; 11-17-2014 at 02:16 PM.. Reason: add a comma
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Old 11-17-2014, 01:37 PM
 
1,248 posts, read 1,379,665 times
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Keep in mind as time passes by 15-25 ( 10-30 ) the woman bodies change over time. So during that fertile period it is a good time to have at least one kid to set the record straight for the body. You do not want your wife taking pills because of changes in her bio-chemistry.
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Old 11-17-2014, 01:46 PM
 
Location: Seymour, CT
3,639 posts, read 3,327,268 times
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If you feel in any way that you would be having a kid to appease your wife, then don't do it. You should be fully 100% on board and if you're not then you are taking a huge risk.

My 2nd girlfriend tried pushing me into doing the very same thing despite her knowing that I have no desire to have children and can barely even stand being in the same room as one.

I had a vasectomy at 20 with no kids and it's the best damn thing that I've done for myself. Needless to say she walked.

That's cool though, if she loves you for you and not as a sperm donor, then that shouldn't matter in my opinion.
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Old 11-17-2014, 02:42 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
15,479 posts, read 15,564,516 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wordsmith12 View Post


I am torn because I do have times where I feel I would want to have a daughter (daddy's little girl) whom I can raise and love.

I also feel bad because I don't want to deprive my wife of the joys of motherhood. I almost want to have a kid to just please her, but I know that having a kid just to appease your spouse would certainly be ill-advised.
You do realize that you could have 100 children - all girls - and still not have a daddy's little girl, right? Not all daughter's cling to daddy. I never did and still don't.

Do not have a kid to please anyone!!! You will be miserable and that child will know it. Be honest with yourself and spouse. If you don't want a kid, man up and say it out loud! It's not the end of the world. There are plenty of people out there who don't have children for a variety of reasons. It's ok not to want children. Many people never should have become parents.
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Old 11-17-2014, 02:54 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
15,479 posts, read 15,564,516 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maila View Post
But one thing I can say for sure. I am yet to hear of a parent who complained saying "I regret having a kid". I have come across quite a few older people who said "I regret not having kids".
Would you like my mother's phone number? She has 3 children - we're all over 30. She still to this day tells us how much she hates children and wishes she never had any. Then in the next breath complains that she doesn't have any grandchildren. None of us kids want kids....I wonder why!
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Old 11-17-2014, 02:54 PM
 
Location: Midwest
2,154 posts, read 2,294,530 times
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Not sure if this was mentioned and I hope you don't take offense.

Stop analyzing this. You've been together a decade now. It is time to make a decision. That you have been together for 9 years without an accidental pregnancy is a cause for concern (from a fertility standpoint). Have regular unprotected sex for 6 mo - 1 year. If there is no pregnancy, start fertility testing. Time is not kind to fertility rates. You may have to decide what type of treatments you need/want; and whether or not to begin the adoption process.

Having children is a painful blessing. Although it has its challenges, most people don't regret it.

Good Luck!
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Old 11-17-2014, 03:01 PM
 
136 posts, read 199,411 times
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If you truly don't want a child, then please save everyone the grief and don't have a child.

You know?

Don't have a child unless you are willing to commit everything you have to raising that child with love, security and in a stable family.

I don't think you can expect to know what it's like until you do it. I could tell you to go to Paris, but if you haven't been there, you can't get it.

Is the love between you and your wife strong enough for you to want it to multiply?

Will your wife leave you if you don't have kids? Would you be willing to let her go if it comes to that?
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Old 11-17-2014, 03:03 PM
 
10,196 posts, read 9,849,639 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wordsmith12 View Post
Here are 3 other reasons I am unsure as to whether I want to have kids:
1. Anxiety - I forgot to mention this earlier, but I have anxiety problems. It's very easy for me to overthink things and get very worked up over them. I worry a lot about stuff. I can't imagine how anxious I'd be trying to keep up with all things involving the child.
2. Others' experiences -- Both my sisters had their first child in recent years. They're the type of women who have always gone gaga over kids, yet they've each decided they're going the "one and done route." I always expected they'd have 2 or 3, but the kids have taken an immense toll on them. I've seen firsthand how bratty they can be (especially in public places), forcing their parents to "call it a night" very early.
3. Children thrust you into social activities-- For introverts like me who like to keep a lid on the number of social functions they attend, having kids won't help our cause. Between birthday parties and baptisms, school board meetings and doctor's visits, children require you to come out of your shell-there's no way around it. Don't get me wrong-- I enjoy going to these things once in a while but with a kid you really have no say in the matter.
4. I would make a boring dad-- I go out with my wife to the movies, restaurants, museums, the mall, ballgames, concerts and a few other places. But my wife and I are happy being homebodies. We make every Sunday a Netflix/Amazon Prime day and generally like staying in. I am not a big traveler, though I want to visit a few states with my wife in the next few years. Even now, I try to avoid going to get togethers and family events--I am just a lot happier being alone with my wife and enjoying peace and quiet.
1) yes anxiety is an issue. Mostly you don't want to pass it on to your kid. But there is hope! Anxiety can be treated!

2) you can bet you will have to leave early time to time. But you can't be sure yours will be like that. A lot of it is parenting, too. Take parenting classes. Plus, they might have had a high needs child. Who knows who your child will be

3) meh, my husband makes me do all the social stuff. Wife's to the most of it in my circle

4) actually, if you are willing to teach your child manners, those are great activities for kids. It's a lot of what we do. Throw in the park and you are set

I'm not trying to talk you into having a kid, but these issues don't have to be so big
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