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I know siblings fight....but why would you let the younger one say things to her sister that you would be appalled at if she said it to a peer? They don't have to even like each other but to allow bullying in your own home is not a good things.
I know siblings fight....but why would you let the younger one say things to her sister that you would be appalled at if she said it to a peer? They don't have to even like each other but to allow bullying in your own home is not a good things.
It seems, though, that the older one is engaging in her own put downs and mocking her younger sister, as well.
I also think it is very wrong for a parent to make one child "responsible" for helping the other. Why should younger daughter play tutor to older sister?
Older sister probably has very well honed skills at "rubbing it in" that she is more popular and "cuter" than younger sister, and many of those skills may be non-verbal. Parents may be catching only the verbal comments from younger daughter -- especially if older daughter uses these incidences as opportunity to play the victim. Also, if older daughter is making sure parents are focusing on little sister's comments, that is taking the focus off older sister's academic inadequacies and gaining her sympathy for her "struggle."
This may not be what is going on! But I have sure seen it occur. Just something to think about. Parenting is tough!!!!
Read Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.
While it is normal, there are things you can do that can help prevent a lot of this.
I got this book recently when I saw it recommended on the forums. I read about half of it and then it disappeared. I suspect my children hid it somewhere in the house after they saw what I was reading. I have implemented some of what I read in the first half of the book, and while I haven't had HUGE successes, I've been able to diffuse situations much more quickly than before.
I'm not really a fan of the "television normalized it, so that's why..." school of thinking....With that said, this is your home and you are leading the pack there, right? That your daughters have a pattern of treating each other with such disrespect and in such mean-spirited manners - WTF? Sorry - really, because I know contributing an opinion other than 'girls will be girls' isn't too popular...but I'm calling bs. Again - your home. They aren't treating each other with even basic decency in your home. Letting it continue is condoning it. The older one is likely heading off somewhere on her own in what - a couple years? Pretty and popular will only take her so far without possessing a basic demeanor of kindness - same goes for smart&quiet too, of course. Please do something (lead the pack) about this if it isn't too late already, cause the world doesn't really need a couple more bratty smart mouths released into it. Grow a pair, basically is what I am saying.
My sister and I fought all the time growing up, are about 6 years apart. Now we are very good friends, talk on the phone a few times a week (she lives in another city), see each other holidays, etc. It's normal!
It seems, though, that the older one is engaging in her own put downs and mocking her younger sister, as well.
I also think it is very wrong for a parent to make one child "responsible" for helping the other. Why should younger daughter play tutor to older sister?
Older sister probably has very well honed skills at "rubbing it in" that she is more popular and "cuter" than younger sister, and many of those skills may be non-verbal. Parents may be catching only the verbal comments from younger daughter -- especially if older daughter uses these incidences as opportunity to play the victim. Also, if older daughter is making sure parents are focusing on little sister's comments, that is taking the focus off older sister's academic inadequacies and gaining her sympathy for her "struggle."
This may not be what is going on! But I have sure seen it occur. Just something to think about. Parenting is tough!!!!
Sounds like the oldest finally had enough and is fighting back...because the parents...especially the dad...are expecting civil behavior out of the youngest.
Again....there is no excuse for that sort of rude behavior. They don't have to like each other. ..but common respect one gives a stranger is a very low bar standard that should simply be expected of family.
My sister and I were just like that. We never got along. I don't think my parents could really have done anything to stop it. We were, and still are, very different. I think you are doing the right course now being fair.
Talked to my wife and we talked to both girls. We just told them that if they didn't stop the constant bickering than there would be groundings and extra chores coming their way.
Bravo! I applaud the stance you've taken. If the bickering continues and you chose to enforce extra chores, might I suggest you assign them 'group work' - some project they must work cooperatively on to complete. My mother did this when my sister and I had this issue and it sent the message about getting along with one another home. Another method my mom utilized was to make us (sister & I) sit next to each other while writing "I love my sister" 100 times which usually had us giggling together by the end. Improved our penmanship, too. Your girls may be a little old for that one, but you get my sentiment. Good Luck!
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I have implemented some of what I read in the first half of the book, and while I haven't had HUGE successes, I've been able to diffuse situations much more quickly than before.
