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Old 11-28-2014, 10:30 AM
 
10,194 posts, read 8,021,707 times
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I don't think anyone who knows me would call me one. I give my kids a lot of space in many ways (lol they do not return the favor). I let them do things somewhat risky, as long as life and limb aren't at risk. I trust them to be in different areas of a store, or use a public bathroom alone.

But I realized the other day, when it comes to manners and behavior, I am always on them. Be it table manners, how to play with their friends, how to talk to adults, etc. Everything.

So I often get comments about them being well behaved, even when I think they are being little monsters. "No means no, don't touch you sister" "we sit up right at the table, now" "what do you say?, yes thank you" " remember we play more gentile with little ones" you can go play but remember to ask if you can join"

And on and on and on. I feel like every waking second of the day I am reminding them, correcting and praising them (plenty of praise for good behavior and manners).

I'm wondering how far from normal this is? I'm thinking since they are 9 and almost 8, now is time to let them have more free reign?

I've started to stay in the car when I take them to the park, just keeping an eye on them and let them interact without me being all up on them. They seem to have more fun...and no major manners or behavior issues popped up yet. Although I feel like everyone thinks i must be the laziest mom on earth lol.

Ugh, I never wanted to be a hover mom!
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Old 11-28-2014, 11:48 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,990 posts, read 49,553,547 times
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What you're describing is just normal good parenting of young children. Teaching manners and proper behavior require vigilance. Too many parents these days are clueless about their kids running wild.

The term "helicopter" parenting emerged when college teachers and administrators began noticing that parents were contacting them re: their kids schoolwork or even calling their kids to remind them about assignments etc. They were desribed as hovering over their kids, who were at an age where they should be able to manage themselves, and still orchestrating their lives.

I've only recently heard the term "snowplow parent," in which a parent removes all obstacles from a child's path. I have noticed a tendency to do this with my older kids and have tried to scale back on that.
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Old 11-28-2014, 11:59 AM
 
41 posts, read 45,433 times
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No, it's just good parenting. My mom was like that, and it was a little annoying at the time, but I'm thankful now. Just so long as you let them make their own decisions when they're old enough to do so (which it sounds like you're doing) and you let them resolve their own problems with guidance, you shouldn't be considered a smother-mother.
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Old 11-28-2014, 12:17 PM
 
5,413 posts, read 5,692,662 times
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Most if that sounds pretty normal....but if you ever can't stop and just enjoy your kids without nit picking them to death or letting them interact with their peers on their own...then it is a control issue and not really about teaching them manners.

At that age kuds aren't going to forget the basics simply because you aren't riding them about it.
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Old 11-28-2014, 12:34 PM
 
10,194 posts, read 8,021,707 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletG View Post
Most if that sounds pretty normal....but if you ever can't stop and just enjoy your kids without nit picking them to death or letting them interact with their peers on their own...then it is a control issue and not really about teaching them manners.

At that age kuds aren't going to forget the basics simply because you aren't riding them about it.
Nah its not to that degree. I think perhaps just noticing it is a sign they are doing a fairly good job all on their own.

Thanks everyone for the feedback. I do tend to compare myself to the moms who really don't correct their kids at all.

But today we were having breakfast at a cafe and I have taught my kids to say thank you everytime the waiter brings something. If they don't I remind them. But I didn't see one other kid even interacting with the waiters (giving their order, asking for something they needed, or saying thank you).

One thing I can't seem to nip in the bud with them is my son sounding like he is bragging. He isn't...not in the traditional sense. He is small for his age and likes to point out how much older and better at things then little kids...to point out he isn't little.

And my daughter and her teasing and making rude comments. Ugh! If she sees a bald man she wispers "ewwww hes bald" to me. Things like that. I have tried everything, or it seems like.
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Old 11-28-2014, 01:03 PM
 
1,192 posts, read 1,315,737 times
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You are a good mom. That's all there is to it. You just dont want them to be mean to others. Just give them a chance to let you know that perhaps they dont need to be reminded all the time
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Old 12-01-2014, 09:55 AM
 
Location: NYC
3,852 posts, read 3,550,916 times
Reputation: 6150
I would say keep at it. My parents were very strict when I was growing up but these days I'm very thankful for that because due to my innate personality, these were the things that kept me from going astray and becoming a bad person.
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Old 12-01-2014, 10:15 AM
 
Location: Back at home in western Washington!
1,490 posts, read 4,285,828 times
Reputation: 3236
Don't over think it. If you are comfortable with how you are parenting and your kids seem healthy and well adjusted, then keep doing things the way you are.

Second guessing yourself constantly will eat away at your self-confidence.
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Old 12-01-2014, 10:26 AM
 
16,719 posts, read 16,443,698 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
I don't think anyone who knows me would call me one. I give my kids a lot of space in many ways (lol they do not return the favor). I let them do things somewhat risky, as long as life and limb aren't at risk. I trust them to be in different areas of a store, or use a public bathroom alone.

But I realized the other day, when it comes to manners and behavior, I am always on them. Be it table manners, how to play with their friends, how to talk to adults, etc. Everything.

So I often get comments about them being well behaved, even when I think they are being little monsters. "No means no, don't touch you sister" "we sit up right at the table, now" "what do you say?, yes thank you" " remember we play more gentile with little ones" you can go play but remember to ask if you can join"

And on and on and on. I feel like every waking second of the day I am reminding them, correcting and praising them (plenty of praise for good behavior and manners).

I'm wondering how far from normal this is? I'm thinking since they are 9 and almost 8, now is time to let them have more free reign?

I've started to stay in the car when I take them to the park, just keeping an eye on them and let them interact without me being all up on them. They seem to have more fun...and no major manners or behavior issues popped up yet. Although I feel like everyone thinks i must be the laziest mom on earth lol.

Ugh, I never wanted to be a hover mom!
What you are describing is parenting. Being a hover mom is when you don't let your kids play on the swing because they might fall.
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Old 12-01-2014, 11:16 AM
 
2,141 posts, read 1,509,781 times
Reputation: 10585
Yah, this is what parenting is supposed to be, in my opinion. Parents aren't supposed to just let their kids say and do everything. They should teach their kids how to act appropriately.

I'd say you're doing fine.
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