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I always hear moms and dads say things like, "I was spanked as a child but I would NEVER do that to my child" or "My mother was never really involved with my life, so I vow to be a part of my child's life in a big way".
How do you do things differently as a parent? What is a parenting move you learned from your parents that you will definitely copy?
This is really a tough question to answer. All of us say we learned from our Parents and did things differently, but I'm not so sure that is true. Every so often I would find myself saying something to my two Sons and it came out sounding exactly as what my own Mom or Dad had said to me.
There is no instruction manual that comes with kids, we all just do the best we can with whatever tools we were given in life and by using our own experiences.
I always hear moms and dads say things like, "I was spanked as a child but I would NEVER do that to my child" or "My mother was never really involved with my life, so I vow to be a part of my child's life in a big way".
How do you do things differently as a parent? What is a parenting move you learned from your parents that you will definitely copy?
My mother was depressed and my father was controlling. My mother admitted to me that she had no idea how to parent. My father beat me when he was angry.
Like others, I learned what NOT to do. I love my children very much and tell them so every day. I hug them and I don't hit them. My kids are well behaved and polite because they choose to be, not out of fear that we will beat them if they are not.
I didn't spank my daughter
I didn't force Catholicism down her throat
I encouraged her to aim high
I wasn't a controlling witch like my mother
I apologized to her when I was wrong
I made sure to never verbally or emotionally abuse my daughter.
When she got a bit of a pot belly as a teen, I never said a word.
I never gave her whuppings.
I allowed her to have father/daughter outings and quality time together.
I did these things because:
My parents---especially my mother---would verbally and emotionally abuse us kids.
My parents obsessed over my weight---even though I was only about 10-15 lbs. overweight.
My father beat us with the belt, often leaving welts.
My mother was insanely jealous of what little time my father would spend with me, to the point where she would do her best to ruin it.
by not having kids. seriously... my dad was stupid and a wimp. my mom was a complainer, overprotective, controling, critical. Im breaking the cycle be remaining child-free
had to check poster name --- thought I wrote this! my childfree brother must feel the same
When I was a child, the one thing I vowed I would never, ever do to my kids was spit on my thumb and clean their faces. Fast forward to my actual parenthood, and...I admit I have done this on occasion. I try hard never to be in that position (have access to other methods of cleaning faces, clean faces before we leave the house, etc.) but a handful of times in the past twelve years I've found myself doing it when there wasn't any other option.
Other things that we do differently:
We try to have a fairly standard bedtime routine.
We limit screen time (less than an hour a day on average--most of this on the weekend).
Our kids have a LOT more freedom to roam the town. That's mostly because we live in a very small town where we're comfortable with that--if we were still in my home city we'd have different standards. We're mainly concerned with teaching our children appropriate caution without giving them an underlying sense of anxiety about their safety.
We share the parenting duties a bit more equally than either of our parents did--my husband goes to well-child check-ups, handles bedtime on his own, etc. (though my dad was more hands-on than a lot of men in his generation).
What we do the same:
We try to value each of our children as individuals, without comparison to each other or anyone else.
We are supportive of extracurriculars like sports and theater (I'm more hands-on with theater and less with sports than my parents, b/c that's where my talents lie).
We try to balance high academic expectations with not putting undue pressure on our kids.
We try to have dinner together most nights (though I cook from scratch much less than my mom).
I could go on with both lists, but that's the general idea. Times have changed, and we're different people than our parents, so we don't do things exactly the same; but generally, I want our kids to grow up knowing they're loved and can depend on us, like I knew my parents loved and were there for my sibs and me.
So your parents spanked you when you were a teenager?
f.... I wish they had spanked me
My mom beat the crap out of with anything she found... but today I'm thankful that she did that and also sorry that I pushed her to the point that she had to do that.
I went from flunking 8th grade to getting an engineering degree.
My parents truly did their best and definitely set good character examples for me, but I have made a few tweaks in their parenting with my own kids.
I come at discipline for the purposes of teaching and not punishment. I use natural consequences a lot, as those provide the best teaching for the older ones in my family.
My mom and dad were not affectionate at all. I make sure the kids have lots of hugs whenever they want them and I tell them I love them lots.
I always hear moms and dads say things like, "I was spanked as a child but I would NEVER do that to my child" or "My mother was never really involved with my life, so I vow to be a part of my child's life in a big way".
How do you do things differently as a parent? What is a parenting move you learned from your parents that you will definitely copy?
My mother was a smacker. My father was capable of a bit more than that.
My only resentment was that my father never taught me how to defend myself. He always said never raise your hands to your father.
I on the other hand have the pleasure of having a son who never really needed much discipline. In contrast to my fathers rule, my son and I spar fairly often. I try to teach my son never let anyone hit you. We stop when we get too close to glass or my wife yells at us both.
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