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All kinds of studies have shown clearly the negative effects of growing up with only one parent. Children need both to survive and thrive. IMHO, if you are unwilling to get married, it means you are not willing to commit to the other, and want to leave the option open to leave on a whim. If you have children, that means you're leaving the child on a whim also, and indicates a very weak commitment to doing the hard work of committing to the years of hard work necessary to raise this child.
I've seen many cases where people didn't leave because getting a divorce was too troublesome. Do you what happened? They turned the home environment into a nightimare...I'm sure that's very good for a child growing up.
When I was in my twenties, I bought into that "marriage is a piece of paper" kind of nonsense. The problem with that nonsense is that a marriage is more than a relationship. It is a binding of two people together romantically, financially, and in every other possible way. It gives permanence to the intertwining of interests.
This is especially true when it comes to children. There are a whole host of things to worry about with children. It's not just a financial commitment, but an emotional commitment. It is a 24/7 commitment that stretches on for 18 years. So you better make sure that your partner is in it for the long haul.
The problem with those just living together is that, at any time, one of the parties can just wake up, shove his or her things into a box, and leave. No matter what people say, there's an impermanence to the enterprise. And no matter how convoluted the arguments are that are offered up by the commitmentphobes, it will never have nearly the same degree of trust and shared responsibility as one where a couple are legally bound together.
Yes. It's honestly the best thing you can do for protection, stability, finances, and giving the child a two parent family. That being said I'm not with the man I was engaged to be married to. We were engaged when I found out I was pregnant, postponed things thinking we would just marry after we had my son and then after having my son things were so different between us that the relationship became highly dysfunctional. I honestly believe that had I not had my son when I did we would have got married, got pregnant, went through some of the same problems but we probably would have tried to make it work and knowing what I know now I would be miserable. We had been together 7 years prior to being engaged, so it wasn't like we didn't know each other. Though honestly the friends I have that faced similar problems as I did, that were married, all stayed together despite whether they were unhappy or happy, and the friends I had that weren't married prior to having kids that faced the same problems have all broke up and moved on. A few of them are in relationships with different people now where they are very happy. In general I agree with the consensus in this topic marriage before kids is always better. But in my case thank gawd I had my son first and then left his dad and have since met men that suited me better than he did. I'm not the same woman I was before having a kid.
I know from personal experience that bringing up a child in America is hard. I believe it should be done as part of the long term committed relationship between a man and a woman. I guess to me, it does not make a huge difference if there is a signed marriage certificate between these two or they are just living together and are committed to each other.
No. I do not automatically equate marriage to commitment (and vice versa). What two people bring to their relationship/marriage is up to them--a marriage license doesn't dictate anything.
I think there is value in a two-parent household, however it absolutely depends on how healthy that union is.
I've seen many cases where people didn't leave because getting a divorce was too troublesome. Do you what happened? They turned the home environment into a nightimare...I'm sure that's very good for a child growing up.
Well, I am in that situation where married life and divorce are both impossible. But the kids still need both parents. No choice but to stay.
Or the father decides that he is tired of the responsibility (seen it too many times so there is no way to deny this) and takes off.
This could happen just as easily if he was married. No?
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