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A bit of both is needed. A remote and kleenex were not on my list of removable items. Markers, glue, scissors, knives, glass objects, etc.... Yes.
Thanks for all the replies so far. The only thing in "harm's" way was the candy dish because of not wanting treats at eye level to small children to help themselves. Bad enough I do.
I wasn't about to overrule or question their parenting style but was curious what moving everything accomplishes. No matter what a mess a box of Kleenex is if you pull all the tissues out, it's still just Kleenex and they couldn't damage it or harm themselves. If it had been left on the table, would the kids have even paid it any attention?
Thanks for all the replies so far. The only thing in "harm's" way was the candy dish because of not wanting treats at eye level to small children to help themselves. Bad enough I do.
I wasn't about to overrule or question their parenting style but was curious what moving everything accomplishes. No matter what a mess a box of Kleenex is if you pull all the tissues out, it's still just Kleenex and they couldn't damage it or harm themselves. If it had been left on the table, would the kids have even paid it any attention?
If they were like my children and grandchildren every Kleenex would have been pulled out of the box.
Control does not equal love; it equals fear. My father tried to control and I am glad that he in now in h3ll. The Bible say "There is no fear in love." You must want your children's fear more than their love.
No, not at all, not at least the way it's made to sound. It's about a balance of addressing a child's curiosity but at the same time keeping one's house under control vs just accepting chaos because, well, "kids are kids." (And if you want to go Biblical on me, I do seem to recall verses present that speak things like "foolishness is bound in the heart of a child" and "he who loves his sons corrects them.")
Growing up--heck no, I'd never gotten away with ransacking someone's house like that. I'd gotten my butt tore up. If I went to a given relative's house, they were NOT going to put away their nice ceramic dishes or tools etc, I was expected to "stay out of there" and "leave that alone." My parents weren't blamed for being too strict and they certainly weren't blamed for failure to supervised, I was blamed for not obeying the orders to leave things alone. Heck, my parents even used to have loaded guns in their bedroom in the closet, unlocked, and they simply said "stay out of here," and that was it. Had I gone in there and an accident happened, I would have been the one to catch the grief, not them, because I disobeyed. (Disclaimer--there are no unlocked and "laying around the house" weapons here, we don't do that, no no no.)
That doesn't mean that they didn't recognize and appreciate my curiosity and sense of adventure. I have just as many memories of ways in which my various aunts and uncles etc helped me along with my curiosity, giving me particular tools or such to keep for myself, and showing me how to use them, doing projects with me--I just understood that I was to leave THEIR tools alone and use MINE. That, to me, is a form of "redirecting," and it's perfect--it addresses the adults' need to have a house not in chaos, while also speaking to a child's heart in terms of their natural curiosity etc. I remember that about them just as much as I do the expectation that I touch nothing and what would've occurred had I touched their things anyway. It's also how I am with our nephews--they had darned well better not mess with my tools, but at the same time, I gave them some of my excessive ones for them to keep for all-time, and I do projects with them, and they all the time tell me how much they appreciate that. If someone wants to be bitter and think their parents were evil for expecting them to obey and leave things alone, I'd suggest the problem lies not with how they were parented, but that such persons still have the attitude of a snotty brat to the present day.
Thanks for all the replies so far. The only thing in "harm's" way was the candy dish because of not wanting treats at eye level to small children to help themselves. Bad enough I do.
I wasn't about to overrule or question their parenting style but was curious what moving everything accomplishes. No matter what a mess a box of Kleenex is if you pull all the tissues out, it's still just Kleenex and they couldn't damage it or harm themselves. If it had been left on the table, would the kids have even paid it any attention?
When my kids were little the Kleenex would have been EVERYWHERE.
I think that the reason they moved everything out of the way might have been because they were unsure what your reaction would be if the Kleenex wound up everywhere. Like you, the mess made by a box of Kleenex would not bother me. It's just paper, nobody would be hurt and a box of Kleenex doesn't cost a lot to replace. However, sometimes people over react to stuff like that. Maybe she was afraid you would?
Sounds like your SIL values a relationship with you and wants to keep it that way.
At a certain age, enjoying a visit at someone else's home is pretty difficult. It's hard to relax and have "us" time with newly mobile and inquisitive little folks around. Maybe she wanted to focus on you as much as possible and not get distracted any more than necessary by the children.
Exactly! And in someone else's house, it's worse. You can, through repetition after repetition, teach your kid to (maybe) leave some of your "don't touches" alone, but the kid doesn't know what's non-touchable in someone else's house.
In someone else's home EVERYTHING is untouchable without asking first. Look but don't touch is the rule.
My own mother tells the story of a visit to a friend's house where we were served cookies. I was about two, so I have no memory of my own. But I knew not only that I wasn't to get another cookie without permission, but I was also not allowed to interrupt my mother when she was talking to the other adults. So I gently guided HER hand to the plate of cookies. Apparently it really charmed the other ladies.
You teach children who are impulsive to keep their hands in their pockets, or if they are sitting, to literally sit on their hands. (I had one whose ADHD was about as bad as you can get, so I get that.) In stores, you look with your eyes and not with your hands. Don't touch what you are not planning to buy.
Of course it sounds simple, and it takes time. But people underestimate the age at which children are capable of controlling themselves. Barring a true disability, a normal three-year-old should be able to sit quietly for quite a while with few reprimands, at least long enough to eat a meal and wait for everyone else to finish. Whole countries exist where all children are expected to do so as a matter of course.
Thanks for all the replies so far. The only thing in "harm's" way was the candy dish because of not wanting treats at eye level to small children to help themselves. Bad enough I do.
I wasn't about to overrule or question their parenting style but was curious what moving everything accomplishes. No matter what a mess a box of Kleenex is if you pull all the tissues out, it's still just Kleenex and they couldn't damage it or harm themselves. If it had been left on the table, would the kids have even paid it any attention?
Maybe she saw you move the candy dish and just decided to take it a step further.
So anyway, how WERE the kids? Wild? Well behaved? Did they entertain themselves?
I still think it's weird that you're not close enough to just ask the lady about it. Do you two actually know each other?
And it's also kinda weird that she just cleared off the table and didn't say a SINGLE WORD about it??? LOL
I would have at least said "lemme get this stuff off the table before we turn around and are engulfed in a mountain of tissues ha ha".
When my kids were little the Kleenex would have been EVERYWHERE.
I think that the reason they moved everything out of the way might have been because they were unsure what your reaction would be if the Kleenex wound up everywhere. Like you, the mess made by a box of Kleenex would not bother me. It's just paper, nobody would be hurt and a box of Kleenex doesn't cost a lot to replace. However, sometimes people over react to stuff like that. Maybe she was afraid you would?
I can't imagine she'd think that. I surveyed the house and moved the only thing I was concerned about, the candy dish. I don't have any problem moving my things out of reach, but not in a million years would I think I'd need to move the Kleenex or coasters (a soft material). I should add that they both (2 and 4) easily got the concept of don't touch the gas fireplace. At their house the coffee table is bare but I always assumed it was because the dog's wagging tail could clear it off in a second or two.
I get fuzzy on details from last year with my kids, how come others always remember such well-behaved babies from decades ago?
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