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If there is one thing I never thought my kid would do, it was smoke cigarettes. The education, bans on smoking, cost, everything about it! But now I think he is hooked. It kills me to see him play Russian Roulette with his health by smoking but what can I do other than remind him of the consequences? He does not smoke at home or in our cars, but so what. I don't want something terrible to happen to him in the future because of this stupid habit. Has anyone here faced this with their over 18 year olds and is it possible to get through to them at this age? P.S. No one in both of our families has ever smoked, but many of his friends do. He always thought it was a disgusting habit until he turned 18 and new friends smoked.
It is hard to quit smoking while in the presence of smokers. Damn near impossible. Once he gets away from smokers and once he sees how offensive it is to most people he will probably change his mind. Youth is the time to be stupid. I would rather have a 20 year old smoker kid than a 30 year old smoker kid. Harping to him will do no good. He knows how you feel. The best you can hope for is he changes friends and gets smart.
BTW I smoked off and on during my early 20's. I quit for good around age 27 and I'm now 67. Medically speaking I am categorized as a former smoker and it does count against my overall health even though it has been 40 years since I've been near tobacco. Maybe you could get some material explaing to him how his insurance rates will be affected and how long it take a smoker to clear the lungs of the ill effects of smoking this might help. I wouldn't try to talk to him about it but maybe some literature will help. Tobacco addiction is right up there with cocaine addiction. Once I quit for 3 years but when I got news my father had died a "friend" handed me a cigarette and by the next day I was back up to 2 packs a day.
How is he paying for this habit? If you are giving him any money you should cut him off knowing full well he is using it for something you disdain. It's called tough love.
I don't see what you can do other than talk to him and hope that he comes to his senses. An ultimatum may help - "If you don't quit smoking we're not going to help you buy a car". It's near impossible to prevent someone from smoking if they really want to do it. All you can do is try to influence his thinking. In my opinion, as a smoker who started early, one of the most effective arguments you can use with a young person is that smoking negatively effects your appearance and makes you age prematurely. Young people tend to be more looks conscious than health conscious. You can't see lungs so it's hard to grasp the damage to lungs as a reality, especially since it takes years for major damage to happen.
If your son won't quit all together please encourage him to cut down to only a few cigarettes a day or keep it to social events only. Smoking is always bad but it's less bad if you smoke less.
There are also medications that can help if he truly has trouble quitting, like Chantix. However, for anything like that to work he has to want to quit and as a new smoker I doubt that's the case. I may be wrong though.
It is hard to quit smoking while in the presence of smokers. Damn near impossible. Once he gets away from smokers and once he sees how offensive it is to most people he will probably change his mind. Youth is the time to be stupid. I would rather have a 20 year old smoker kid than a 30 year old smoker kid. Harping to him will do no good. He knows how you feel. The best you can hope for is he changes friends and gets smart.
BTW I smoked off and on during my early 20's. I quit for good around age 27 and I'm now 67. Medically speaking I am categorized as a former smoker and it does count against my overall health even though it has been 40 years since I've been near tobacco. Maybe you could get some material explaing to him how his insurance rates will be affected and how long it take a smoker to clear the lungs of the ill effects of smoking this might help. I wouldn't try to talk to him about it but maybe some literature will help. Tobacco addiction is right up there with cocaine addiction. Once I quit for 3 years but when I got news my father had died a "friend" handed me a cigarette and by the next day I was back up to 2 packs a day.
How is he paying for this habit? If you are giving him any money you should cut him off knowing full well he is using it for something you disdain. It's called tough love.
We don't support our 20 year old child financially. He works.
I'm hoping when he starts to pay for his own place next month, he will realize just how much the cost of cigarettes adds up, but then again, being in a college town may make it worse. Why are kids so foolish?
He is a grown man there is nothing you can do to stop him. You can let him know that he is not allowed to smoke in your house and if you find cigarette buds around the outside of the house he will be not allowed to smoke there either. You could have him volunteer at a hospital but let him know as soon as smells like smoke he most likely will not be allowed to. Show him what will happen to his teeth, have him wash his own clothes away from yours since once his clothes smell like smoke they always do, etc.
Your son is your son but he will do whatever he wants and you can do nothing he is an adult. I am surprised he started smoking it cost so much now and is not allowed inside most establishments or even outside unless a certain distance from the building. $5.00 a pack one pack a week x's 52 weeks in a year=$260.00 a year not including health complications.
My dad had 3 heart attacks and two stokes (2nd one killed him) and he still didn't stop. It is an addiction and harping on him about it won't make him want to quit. It will do the exact opposite. At least he doesn't smoke in your home or in your cars.
Unfortunately, we can't put our children in bubbles and protect them from the millions of things that could potentially be a factor in their life ending. Just cherish each moment you have with him and don't think about the "What if" or "whens" as he may give up the habit long before it does too much damage. Even then, there are other things in life that is a hazard to health. They are there every time we wake each morning.
If there is one thing I never thought my kid would do, it was smoke cigarettes. The education, bans on smoking, cost, everything about it! But now I think he is hooked. It kills me to see him play Russian Roulette with his health by smoking but what can I do other than remind him of the consequences? He does not smoke at home or in our cars, but so what. I don't want something terrible to happen to him in the future because of this stupid habit. Has anyone here faced this with their over 18 year olds and is it possible to get through to them at this age? P.S. No one in both of our families has ever smoked, but many of his friends do. He always thought it was a disgusting habit until he turned 18 and new friends smoked.
I'm sorry, I know this must be very disappointing and worrisome for you.
And the folks who try to claim a 20 year old is "all grown" or "a man" make me roll my eyes - see -
While SOME 20 year olds are more mature than others, and yes, they have the right to vote and can serve in the military so they do have what we call a "legal majority", the scientific research tells us 20 year old boys are far from "all grown up".
Most young men do not finish maturing until closer to age 25.
Until that time, some of them can make really bad choices with far reaching consequences simply because the part of their brain that controls the highest forms of reasoning are not fully developed.
This is why so many young men in that age group engage in very risky behaviors, many losing their lives in the process.
Anyone stupid enough to think you can just drop an 18 year old off into the world without any further guidance or mentoring because they are now "all grown up" is being at best naive and at worst a negligent parent.
But here's the thing...it is not appropriate to try to parent a 20 year old either. They are not children any more. A wise parent does their best to mentor regularly at this age.
So, while you are upset (rightfully so) about his new smoking habit, you cannot tell him what to do or force him to stop.
What you can do is speak to him respectfully - calmly and work to get him to realize he's making a poor choice based on the widely accepted scientific evidence. Try to focus on THAT, while reminding him that this is such a hard habit to break, so painful to some, that doing it sooner rather than later is so much easier. Also be sure to include the costs of this habit, showing him on paper how in a months time he could be spending as much as a car note. Encourage him to think about all the other things he could do with that money.
In addition, I think it's fine to let him know you are disappointed in him - not to guilt trip him, but to express your own feelings honestly. Ask him how he would feel if someone he loved was doing something everyone knows is a bad thing - wouldn't he want to try to save them from their risky choice? Try to use a real world example of someone he loves doing something you know would horrify him.
I smoked from age 12 to age 48. I'm 49 and have been smoke-free for 18 months now with e-cigarettes. Still nicotine, granted, but no more tar, C02, thousands of chemicals. I can take a deep breath and not cough, and my smell and taste are back. Not to mention, it's lots cheaper.
Nothing else worked for me - I tried hypnosis, Chantix (don't. Just don't.), cold-turkey, tapering off, Nicorette, nicotrol, antidepressants -- you name it. Nothing else ever worked.
Maybe he can explore e-cigs once he starts trying to quit. (Which probably won't be for a few years, once the hip factor wears off and he realizes he's addicted).
Good luck. It's a life-sucking habit.
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