Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
1. For those of you who opted to have kids: Be honest. What are some things that you don't necessarily love about parenthood? Do you have regrets? Would you advise someone who's on the fence to think very carefully before taking the leap?
"Parenting" depends on the partner(wife/husband) more than you could ever imagine. IF you have the right partner, money, and are a person that values time with said partner, then you would be OK. HOWEVER, IF you turn out to have unrealistic expectations of your partner forget it.
What I miss about my previous life which was very similar to what you described except that I got to travel a lot too, is that I no longer know anyone...for "kids sakes=schooling" we ended up in a miserable city where nobody is looking to make new friends. We never go out, and my husband is so immersed in his job that sometimes I wonder if he remembers we're married and came together before the kids arrived! SO...Know that if ur future wife stays home if daycare costs are above you, her work is mainly of physical nature; lifting the baby a million times a day, running around with house work, so don't expect her to just jump in a negligee right before you walk in the door because it may not happen as often as you'd want. Make sure she's not alone; staying home is VERY lonely, and it sucks royally. If I had to do it again, I would never get married again. It is a stupid thing to do, and finding a good person these days is impossible, so on the other hand if my life was what you described above, I'd skip it, and maintain my peace.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wordsmith12
I'm still on the fence..
On the one hand, I relish the low- maintenance life I have now. I am a hardcore introvert who needs his alone time and dislikes social gatherings. I have never been much of a kid person to begin with. I'm the youngest of 3 and didn't grow up around younger kids/babies. I am not stingy with money, as I frequently donate to charities, but I'll be the first to admit I am stingy with my time. Sundays in my book are for reading, writing, and watching TV.
However, I sometimes have paternal twinges that lead me to think that once I have a kid (I want a daughter), I will break out of my comfort zone and make my child the center of my universe.
The fact of the matter is that my risk-averse nature keeps me in check. There are so many unfavorable things that could happen when you have a kid (stress, less sex, child could turn out unruly or with health issues/disabilities, marital problems, etc) that I often ask myself why I would bother altering the relaxing, low-hassle life I have now.
2. For those of you who opted not to have kids: Why did you choose not to have any? Are you happy with that decision, or do you at times feel pangs of regret?
I'm not sure if parents are really jealous of childfree people or not. Most of them seem contented in their lifestyle, especially today, when there is less pressure to have kids. I do know that once or twice I have run across someone who tries to run me down for not having kids. They say stuff like "You'll never know what it's like to really love someone" or "You'll never know what it's like to worry about someone until I have a sick child". All of which I think is ridiculous. Most of us have someone in our lives to love and we worry about losing them.
I used to be the only single, childfree person at one job I worked and I sort of had to watch what I said. If I said something about relaxing in a hot tub for half an hour after work, I got the "You can only do that because you don't have kids" response. Well, that's not the reason I don't have kids, but it is a perk I enjoy. But you can't say that to some mothers. And it's funny, it seems the mothers are the ones who are the most sensitive about it.
Child-free or birth children, the compromise would be adopting. Many can't stand the crying, diaper changes, etc. Once they are old enough to mostly take care of themselves might be when they are most appreciated. Best wishes with whatever you decide.
Child-free or birth children, the compromise would be adopting. Many can't stand the crying, diaper changes, etc. Once they are old enough to mostly take care of themselves might be when they are most appreciated. Best wishes with whatever you decide.
I'm in the opposite camp. I love newborns. I love their coos and their cries, and that "I'm hungry feeeeeeed meeeee!" shrieking practically makes me lactate. I'm fine with projectile vomiting and pea-soup diapers. I love the smell of newborns when they're fresh from the bath, I love their chubby cheeks and toes and watching them sleep and grabbing my finger with an iron grip.
Soon as they learn to walk and talk, I want to tell them to shut up and sit down.
One thing I wasn't prepared for is the emotional toll it takes when you have several children, especially when they get to the stage where they fight so much and your constantly having to referee them. My older two are like fire and gasoline these days, especially with being cooped up so much during the winter.
Quote:
Originally Posted by EandALpez86
1. For those of you who opted to have kids: Be honest. What are some things that you don't necessarily love about parenthood? Do you have regrets? Would you advise someone who's on the fence to think very carefully before taking the leap?
I would say that the main factor tipping the scale toward not having kids is my introverted nature.
It feels like such a drag whenever I am invited to go to social gatherings, especially kids' birthday parties. I go to most of them so that I don't look like a party pooper, but I find myself miserable at those things.
I don't see things getting any easier with a child. All of the sudden, you have to worry about baptisms, communions, your kid's birthday parties, your kid's friends' birthday parties, events at school, and the list goes on.
When you're a parent, such social events are thrust upon you -- and that doesn't include all the times you'll have people calling you to ask if they can stop by and see the child. Conversations revolve mostly around the child.
As an introvert, I like peace, quiet, and privacy. I like things to be orderly. I like routine and being able to maintain control over what's happening around me. I like and need sleep. I become very stressed when I feel that things are outside my control. I don't see my life being quiet and orderly with an unpredictable child in tow. I also have anxiety problems and worry easily about stuff.
I just finished closing on a condo, and you have no idea how stressful the process was. (It took 15 months, and two deals fell through before we closed on the 3rd property.)
I'm just not someone who always handles stress well. That's why I am so afraid that I may burn out with a kid.
Last edited by Wordsmith12; 01-26-2015 at 09:47 AM..
Child-free or birth children, the compromise would be adopting. Many can't stand the crying, diaper changes, etc. Once they are old enough to mostly take care of themselves might be when they are most appreciated. Best wishes with whatever you decide.
Adopted children, particularly older ones, require stronger parenting skills than diaper changes. Babies are babies. Adopted older children have often been through so much pain, they aren't the ones who need to show appreciation - they need to be ones who are appreciated.
I like things to be orderly. I like routine and being able to maintain control over what's happening around me. I like and need sleep. I become very stressed when I feel that things are outside my control. I don't see my life being quiet and orderly with an unpredictable child in tow.
I just wanted to comment on this part of your post. I am very much like what you describe there. I love order, routine, sleep and organization. My mom wanted to nominate me for one of those "this person is so organized they are crazy" TV shows.
Anyway, what I've learned though my sister is that kids (babies in particular) need routine. They thrive on a regular routine. My sister is definitely an introvert. She uses her son as an excuse to skip things all the time, actually. So, yeah, things can be chaotic, but they also do need routine as well. So, I guess I don't see life as being total chaos with a child.
Of course, don't take this as me trying to convince you to have kids. It's definitely not for everyone. That's just what I observed with my sister, who admittedly, is the only person with a child that I'm very close to.
As for not handling stress well, I think that is one of the things that having a child forces you to learn/adapt to. My BIL has anxiety and I think he's chilled out a little since having a baby.
I know two couples who adopted older children and in both cases they ended up being a complete and total nightmare. Kids who have been in the system can be very sneaky and manipulative, you need to have a really strong constitution to deal with them.
For me, living things, especially in their infant form, just don't engender much empathetic response. I far prefer machines.[/quote]
Heh. I love animals, especially baby animals. Baby humans repulse me and yes, I probably lost one good man over it. It happens.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
