I don't want to goooooooooooo! (marry, schools, friends, mother)
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Perhaps. He went on for a month about it when she first told the class all she had. Its nails on chalk board to me and I feel like I am doing a terrible job as a mother when he does that. I was such a humble kid. All I wanted was clothes without holes and food. When I was in college, my financial goal was to have enough money to pay someone to do my laundry for me (I really hate doing laundry, still do). I thought then I would have it made.
I had this foster daughter who complained often we didn't live in a mcmansion. We live in a perfectly suitable, nice home. That is well with in our means so we aren't house poor. Whats shameful about that?
The whole subject really bothers me, I guess.
Your son being "wowed" by what someone else has, that is vastly different from his own situation is not a reflection on him or you as his parent. It's a human reaction. I'm still focused on whether you are going to treat a child differently based on their economic situation and what lesson THAT instills upon your own child. You mentioned several times the values that are important to you and your family - how does this situation fit in with those values - the situation itself all pared down - which is a child's birthday party.
If your son comes home talking about it (and he most likely will), I'd probably let it go with neutral expressions "hmmm.." "ahhh..." "how nice - that must have been fun" etc. If it continues to the point you think it's unhealthy or excessive, I'd sit down and have a discussion about it.
As for what you do? Stay or not. Just because everyone else is, doesn't mean YOU have to - like Mattie said, make an appointment during that time. You've stated you're moving anyway so who cares? Make your apologies and thank them for including your son then be back in 3 hours.
Perhaps. He went on for a month about it when she first told the class all she had. Its nails on chalk board to me and I feel like I am doing a terrible job as a mother when he does that. I was such a humble kid. All I wanted was clothes without holes and food. When I was in college, my financial goal was to have enough money to pay someone to do my laundry for me (I really hate doing laundry, still do). I thought then I would have it made.
I had this foster daughter who complained often we didn't live in a mcmansion. We live in a perfectly suitable, nice home. That is well with in our means so we aren't house poor. Whats shameful about that?
The whole subject really bothers me, I guess.
You don't want to expand your perceptional boundaries. Listen, I don't care if you go or not. I guess I must be a unique person in awareness of insecurities. Generally, clothes don't have to be laundered a million times to get your moneys worth. I know some clothing have to be professionally laundered.. but for normal every day use? Not really. Perhaps if you find out whats bothering you, it might help.
I think if you just reinforce your family values to your son, he'll be fine. He's a kid. Kids are dazzled by fancy stuff and cool toys. Hell, most adults are as well. Go and have a good time, if the other kids parents are jerks, you can always get drunk with the waitstaff (totally kidding...).
So my kids go to a private school that has a pretty good mix of down to earth people, but also a good number of...ummmmm...not down to earth people. I've made a couple friends of other moms, but I haven't put a lot of effort into it as we are moving at the end of the year out of state.
There is a group of moms in my son's class that is very cliquish ... driven by the queen bee, a seriously mega rich and kind of fake (acting/looking) woman. Honestly, I feel bad for her in a way, I can't imagine keeping up that appearance. Almost all the moms drop everything they are doing and swarm around her when she shows up to school events. And I am not nearly polished enough to be invited into the clique...and I don't want to be. It's very, very jr highschool. I am sure there are some nice people in it, maybe all of them. But they really aren't the type of people I'm comfortable around
So the queen bee's daughter gave everyone in the class an invite to her party. And of course it's at their house (aka mansion), so of course my son wants to go. He plays with the birthday girl sometimes, but not a lot. My son saw their house once while they were driving by on a field trip and is obsessed with seeing the inside of it (he is only 9). Which I admit, bothers me. Growing up poor, and now giving my kids a fairly affluent life style...it actually hurts my feelings in a way he is so obsessed with their wealth.
I've worked at kid's birthday events in multimillionaire mansions before, and lets just say...its disgusting. So the last thing I want to do is take my son (it isn't a drop off party). I foresee me being really uncomfortable and out of place, my son looooooving the house and making many statements that further upset me, me feeling angry about it all.
I mean, if it was a good friend, even the same gender (knowing the boys tend to play in a group all together), I'd lump it and go. But it isn't a close friend, just an average friend...for a girl. Still he really wants to go to see their house. *sigh*
So would you go, or not?
You are going to keep your child from a party because "they really aren't the type of people I'm comfortable around"? I would let him go.
This is a big issue in my mind. They aren't close. I never heard her name until she started bragging to the class about her private jet, mansion and 14 cars (no joke). That is not my value system, and it's not the value system I want to instill in my child.
Having a lot of money has nothing to do with values. Some people with lots of money have the same values you do. Others don't. The money isn't what determines whether they have the same values you do.
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Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird
Those taking pot shots at me about being jealous, ya don't know me. Or what I value, or the morals I am trying to instill in my children. We have a very comfortable life style and I want my kids to be grateful for that. We spend a lot on helping others, do not drive fancy cars or mansions or go into debt. And we don't make money off the misfortune of others. And money does not buy happiness.
Buying a fancy car, having a mansion and taking loans are not moral values. They have NOTHING TO DO with moral values. A person can have fantastic moral values and still drive an expensive car, live in a mansion and take a few loans.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird
I think also, the level of discomfort I feel when a whole bunch of plastic moms are, seemingly, purposefully excluding me...it's valid. I am allowed to have feelings and not want to put myself in 3 hours of feeling uncomfortable and out of place (and yes, that is my issue, but I am human, after all). So I won't take on each attack, but I will say "sorry, I have no desire to have that kind of money, but of course a little more wouldn't hurt "
The mom invited you to the party. She is not excluding you. You are purposely keeping yourself at arms length from these people and blaming it on them and their money.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird
My issue with this party is two fold...the values and morals I am trying to instill in my children and my absolute discomfort with the situation.
What moral values are these people violating? Do you assume they are immoral simply because they have money?
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird
P.P.S. I wasn't a server at parties, I offered a professional service and some people hired me to work at their children's way over the top, money soaked parties. Of course, you don't get wealthy by spending money, so they were the worst clients, wanting more for less.
What was so terrible other than they spent a lot of money?
I think you have a problem with rich people and you are trying to make it their fault that you have a problem with them. Having money and spending money is not immoral.
The thing that I find interesting is the OP describes the other mother as snobbish and cliquey yet she invited all the students from her daughter's class, along with their parents, to the party. Maybe she did it to be a show-off, who knows, but it's not like any kid was left feeling hurt or rejected because they didn't get an invite.
P.P.S. I wasn't a server at parties, I offered a professional service and some people hired me to work at their children's way over the top, money soaked parties. Of course, you don't get wealthy by spending money, so they were the worst clients, wanting more for less.
Got it. You stated you "worked at" events at mansions owned by millionaires so I assumed you were a server of some type at these money-soaked parties. Which is something I did when I was in college to earn extra money.
So I now have happy memories of getting tips from money-soaked party goers who could afford to pass out $5.00 tips to a 20-something serving them a glass of champagne. "My pleasure, Sir. Have you tried the Beluga?"
So we're obviously coming from two very different places. (I've never resented the rich. They helped me get an education.)
Last edited by DewDropInn; 01-25-2015 at 04:07 PM..
Having a lot of money has nothing to do with values. Some people with lots of money have the same values you do. Others don't. The money isn't what determines whether they have the same values you do.
Buying a fancy car, having a mansion and taking loans are not moral values. They have NOTHING TO DO with moral values. A person can have fantastic moral values and still drive an expensive car, live in a mansion and take a few loans.
The mom invited you to the party. She is not excluding you. You are purposely keeping yourself at arms length from these people and blaming it on them and their money.
What moral values are these people violating? Do you assume they are immoral simply because they have money?
What was so terrible other than they spent a lot of money?
I think you have a problem with rich people and you are trying to make it their fault that you have a problem with them. Having money and spending money is not immoral.
I know the way they made their money...first generation money. And I strongly disagree with their methods. It was off the backs of poor people. To their credit, they do a lot of philanthropy. Still...I do have issue with the way they bought that mansion, private jet and 14 cars.
The thing that I find interesting is the OP describes the other mother as snobbish and cliquey yet she invited all the students from her daughter's class, along with their parents, to the party. Maybe she did it to be a show-off, who knows, but it's not like any kid was left feeling hurt or rejected because they didn't get an invite.
She did it because it is the rule at the school they are in
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