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I do think that kids are more capable than we give them credit for. More and more I am noticing parents who would never allow their kids to do anything of the things we used to do as kids, like walk to the park, go to sleepovers, even stand at a bus stop alone. I think that it is possible to take reasonable precautions without smothering the kids to death.
I believe, at 8, my dd is fully capable of staying home alone for short periods of time, or even waiting in the car while I run into the store for a few things. The only thing that stops me is not the slim chance of predators, but the more likely chance of authorities getting involved. Sometimes it is overprotection, but in some cases, parents fear getting cps called on them, even risk losing their kids, because of a a parenting choice. It's like the recent thread about the parents getting the police called on them for letting their 10 and 6year old walk from the park. The world is full of busybodies like that, and that influences a lot of decisions parents have to make in regards to their kids independence.
I would never believe it's a good idea to leave kids to fend for themselves for months but I do think if some parents loosened the reigns just a little, they'd find that their kids would do better than they ever imagined.
Hmmm....on the surface it does seem immature but upon further reflection, is there really a problem if dad doesn't mind doing it? Maybe it was a special night out for the guys?
I don't know. I think our gut reactions mirror our society's expectations. In this country any dependence on mom and dad as an adult is really looked down upon.
That's just it. I don't think it's dad's decision to make. From one considerate adult to another: "...no thanks dad...we'll figure something out." Sometimes there's more to it than taking what you can from someone who doesn't seem to mind.
As sad as this story is, it does raise interesting questions about how we view the abilities of our children. We, myself included, tend to infantilize our children, believing they couldn't possibly take care of themselves. Even the simple act of walking home by themselves is called into question.
I've noticed that the more freedom and responsibility I give my children, the more they live up to the challenge. They become more confident. Their work ethic improves. They care about what they are doing.
Thoughts?
This is a topic I have paid attention to for a long time since I was widowed when my kids were 9 and 11.
I recall a non-fiction book they had to read at school about an account of kids around that age being left in the wilderness of Ohio or some-such for 6 months or so because mom had a bad pregnancy and dad had to take her to the doctor far away and they were left at the homestead. They had *some* modest help but did pretty well.
My own father and many of his generation were driving tractors at age 10.
Now, this isn't for ALL kids but yeah, we coddle the crap out of them in US society.
I've not got crazy with how I raise my kids but they cook, do their own laundry and with some minimal oversight also are responsible for their own class schedules and other such things now that they are older.
I do think that kids are more capable than we give them credit for. More and more I am noticing parents who would never allow their kids to do anything of the things we used to do as kids, like walk to the park, go to sleepovers, even stand at a bus stop alone. I think that it is possible to take reasonable precautions without smothering the kids to death.
I believe, at 8, my dd is fully capable of staying home alone for short periods of time, or even waiting in the car while I run into the store for a few things. The only thing that stops me is not the slim chance of predators, but the more likely chance of authorities getting involved. Sometimes it is overprotection, but in some cases, parents fear getting cps called on them, even risk losing their kids, because of a a parenting choice. It's like the recent thread about the parents getting the police called on them for letting their 10 and 6year old walk from the park. The world is full of busybodies like that, and that influences a lot of decisions parents have to make in regards to their kids independence.
I would never believe it's a good idea to leave kids to fend for themselves for months but I do think if some parents loosened the reigns just a little, they'd find that their kids would do better than they ever imagined.
Great post. As far as leaving the kids in the car, I do it but I do get nervous about someone calling the authorities. Isn't that crazy?
I allow my children to have sleepovers at other people's homes but I also know a ton of parents who think that is major no-no.
That's just it. I don't think it's dad's decision to make. From one considerate adult to another: "...no thanks dad...we'll figure something out." Sometimes there's more to it than taking what you can from someone who doesn't seem to mind.
Why?
What if it was a friend that offered to give them a ride home? What is wrong with offering/accepting help from someone?
If that is what you thought, you need to brush up your critical thinking skills.
I got Magritte's point from the start. Not that abandoning 9 year-olds for three months is a heartwarming and inspiring story of the true grit of 9 year-olds, but that the story was an interesting case study for the adaptability and ability of children that age.
I understood her point as well. No one is saying it's a good idea to leave 9-year-olds on their own for months. We're only saying that the kids rallied and did a remarkable job of taking care of themselves.
I'm pretty sure I was doing some babysitting by the time I was 10. I know that by the time I was 12 I was in big demand.
Kids are capable of doing a lot of things and it's very satisfying for them to know they can take care of themselves. They should be allowed to do as much as possible, short of abandoning them to totally fend for themselves, or putting them in obviously dangerous situations.
What if it was a friend that offered to give them a ride home? What is wrong with offering/accepting help from someone?
Apples & oranges. If you don't see a difference between one 25 year old giving another 25 year old a ride, and the same 25 year old expecting his father to drive an hour plus, round-trip, at 3:00 am...then that's where we'll have to leave it. Listen, I'm 50+ years old. Yesterday my mother called, concerned about the incoming "blizzard", and asked me if I needed "Dad" to drive me to work...at 2:30 am this morning. Even though the offer was completey sincere, I, as a considerate & self-sufficient adult, told her no thanks ma', I'll be fine. Imposing on, or making arrangements with, a friend is completely different. Had a friend called and offered, I would've jumped on it. Take care...
Apples & oranges. If you don't see a difference between one 25 year old giving another 25 year old a ride, and the same 25 year old expecting his father to drive an hour plus, round-trip, at 3:00 am...then that's where we'll have to leave it. Listen, I'm 50+ years old. Yesterday my mother called, concerned about the incoming "blizzard", and asked me if I needed "Dad" to drive me to work...at 2:30 am this morning. Even though the offer was completey sincere, I, as a considerate & self-sufficient adult, told her no thanks ma', I'll be fine. Imposing on, or making arrangements with, a friend is completely different. Had a friend called and offered, I would've jumped on it. Take care...
As sad as this story is, it does raise interesting questions about how we view the abilities of our children. We, myself included, tend to infantilize our children, believing they couldn't possibly take care of themselves. Even the simple act of walking home by themselves is called into question.
I've noticed that the more freedom and responsibility I give my children, the more they live up to the challenge. They become more confident. Their work ethic improves. They care about what they are doing.
Thoughts?
Did they get to and from school ok every day or just most of the time on time and sometimes late?
Did they complete their homework on time?
Did they eat a complete diet?
There is a difference between "surviving" and "doing okay".
Did they eat a complete diet? They got breakfast and lunch at school. There was little food found in the home when authorities arrived.
There is a difference between "surviving" and "doing okay".
Agreed. (Mine in blue)
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