Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
There was a big difference between the three yr old class, and the 4 yr old class. At 3, there wasn't a lot of socializing afterwards, few playdates, and I don't remember any classmate birthday parties. At 4 it all changed, and seemed like a constant calendar of parties and classmate visits. And, it was that way with all three of mine.
It may just be because of the age. A lot of 3 yr olds still nap after school.
Really? I feel like I'm the only one out there who hasn't had a bday party yet for my kids with "friends." Or at least thanks to FB I feel this way lol.
At my current child's Mother's Day out school it's the opposite. The room moms always try to get moms involved in the school or activities outside of school. Maybe it's generational. I'm gen x - an older mom for have toddlers - and so most of the other moms are gen y.
I rarely even see the other parents, I drop my kid off later than most others do and pick up a bit earlier although some do pick up at the same time but we never talk. When I went to the parents evening they all seemed to know each other and talked together but I was the outsider (being the foreigner, and the parents of the one other foreign kid weren't there). So friendly enough with each other but not to me.
My kid doesn't really have any friends there yet as she has trouble with social skills but there is one girl she plays with a bit more and her mum will at least smile and nod at me so that's something.
I ask this because well a group at my DD's school, don't seem to be. She attends a very small church run school. Most of the people who send their kids are not parishoners of the church, or maybe a small handful are, but most are from the area or adjoining areas like we are. I think there's 16-17 kids in her class, but the odd thing is, you really only see 8-9 parents tops at pick up and drop offs, so some kids may stay the whole day or may stay for an extended day. There's some gparents or dads too, who for the most part, drop off/pick up and leave, and then about 7 or so, including myself, who used to let our kids play outside of the school after school when the weather was nice.
And while I'm not a huge extorvert, I can make convo and be friendly and I have learned to put myself out there. I also always return a smile or hello as well, since I was raised it's the polite thing to do. I mean, unless I loathe someone, I would never just stare at someone and turn away if they smiled or said something to me. This group of moms, and no not the whole group is friends, literally have never tried to make convo with me. I have in the past tried to talk with 2 of them. One, who chatted it up with me, the next time I saw her, it was like she didn't know my name. Then there's 2 other moms who I always catch randomly staring at me. So today, I smiled at one and she gave me the death stare back No, I don't smell either lol.
I thought perhaps maybe DD would have some play dates out of this whole school thing or even be invited to birthday parties, but she hasnt. Though I have no clue if there's been any bday parties. I've actually done away with the idea of throwing her a first party with friends this year bc why waste hundreds of dollars for a party with kids she may not be friends with. She only talks about one boy and one girl who she sits with at her table, so not sure if those are the only kids she plays with. I've started to just wait in my car and drop her off right before the time class starts rather then wait in the halls, having to hold my heavy baby on one hip and get stared down by whatever mom. There is actually one who I talk to here and there, we even were seated together at a holiday event, but once her "other" friend is there she pretends I'm not that there and her other friend stares me down when she sees me walk in. Once the warm weather is nice, I'm dreading having to stand there. DD won't even be at this school next year, so I really don't care at all who talks to who, but I guess I just find this bunch to be pretty unfriendly and wanted to know if this type of thing was common at some schools. DD was not in school with these kids last year either in the 2 year old program, while some of them were.
So, how are or were the parents at your kids pre school? Anyone encounter cliquey types like this?
I cannot say I have the same issue at my son's pre-school, but I do notice that the parents who are more familiar with one another do tend to only talk to each other. I think it boils down to whether or not they are neighbors, work together, friend of a friend, relatives etc. I wouldn't say it is cliquish, just a familiarity issue.
I also believe it could be a generational issue as well. I am 33 with a 2 year old (I am on the cusp of Gen X and Y based on by 1981 birthday), and I do find some of the mother's that are younger, keep to themselves. I on the other hand having more influence from Gen X, am a little more outgoing and always try my best to speak to and acknowledge the other parents.
As far as birthday parties are concerned, I made party bags for my son's birthday and took them to the school (this is really fun and inexpensive). That way, I did not have to wonder who would show up for the big party; they could celebrate in the classroom. If we are invited to a party, I make the decision as to whether or not my son should go. If he does not go, the following week, I will put a gift bag in the birthday child's locker.
At his age now, I have no expectation for the other parents or children to become friends with me. I think the best thing to do would be to search for other activities to meet mothers outside of the school. Under the age of 5, I believe the celebrations should be close friends and family. After Kindergarten will be a whole new ball game! I expect he will want to invite all his little friends!
Society has changed a bit, and people are a little more cautious about who they want to get to know. Also, people have bad and good days. So while you perceived it as a death stare, her mind could have been elsewhere and she was just irritated.
I found that at 3-4 my son didn't really care yet about making 'friends' - he would play with whoever was there, but he didn't really care about any specific kids or make any strong connections. This year, at 4-5, it's very different - we moved, and he's made a few friends at his new preschool, especially two boys that he plays with regularly and talks about. We have drive-up drop off and pick up so I almost never see the parents, and the few times that I did, none looked particularly friendly or interested in interaction beyond a polite smile. I'm shy and an introvert myself so I suppose I come off in the same way - really for me it's more of a fear of being seen desperate or needy, so I don't put myself out there. For his birthday this year, we invited the two boys he's mentioned along with his friends outside of school, mainly kids of our friends, so I had the chance to meet the two moms. They were perfectly nice though I wouldn't say excessively friendly but whatever, at least now I feel we can invite one of the boys for a playdate sometime which works for me - I don't particularly care for becoming friends with the moms, just having a friend over to play with DS is good enough for me.
I thought perhaps maybe DD would have some play dates out of this whole school thing or even be invited to birthday parties, but she hasnt. Though I have no clue if there's been any bday parties. I've actually done away with the idea of throwing her a first party with friends this year bc why waste hundreds of dollars for a party with kids she may not be friends with. She only talks about one boy and one girl who she sits with at her table, so not sure if those are the only kids she plays with.
At age three my children really didn't seem to have any special friends at preschool/day care, nor did I meet any of the other mothers. Now when they were four they did start to have special friends. We had a "New Friends Party" (like a birthday party, but no presents) and invited four children. Each of their parties cost under $25, hot dogs, chips, ice cream and cake plus a small treat bag. I'm not sure where you are getting a cost of "hundreds of dollars" for a party for a few children unless you were planning to invite the entire preschool to something at Chuckie Cheese or some place like that.
I'm not sure if they were invited to any birthday parties at age four, and only a few parties and play dates at age five. It wasn't until first grade that more kids started to have parties and regular play dates. Other parents may have different experiences.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Me 82
Oh no, I understand. I'm not getting defensive, I'm just explaining it better I guess. I mean, with the bday party and all, I'm not wasiting a ton of money for 3-4 kids you know.
Perhaps a smaller get-together with a couple of kids that the teacher says that your child plays with most often would be better.
I'd suggest the same about a smaller get-together. It's sometimes less overwhelming for the kids, and also may be a chance to get to know a few parents.
We've been in two preschools with our kids. At both places, there were friendly, shy but nice, and not-at-all friendly parents. But probably more friendly parents than not. I got the sense that the very unfriendly types were either extremely busy with demanding jobs or going through difficult times for one reason or another. I'm sorry you're experiencing this kind of exclusion, and would advise not to take it personally if possible. Hopefully it'll be better next year.
Personally, I don't really understand why people wouldn't be at least somewhat nice. As a parent, I'm friendly and I want to get to know the kids and families at least a little bit. I'm not expecting to be best friends with anyone, but it's a lot easier to set up play dates if you know the parents, etc.
On friendship at this age -- my daughter started to have strong preferences for friends as early as age 2.5. At age 5 she has 3 "best friends" and a favorite boy friend. She's a very social kid. My son is 2.5 now and I think he's more of a "play with who is there" type at this age. So, I think it varies a lot.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
No, I don't smell either lol. 
