Need to throw 18 year old out!

[NDak15]

Holy Zombie thread Batman! The 18 year old in this thread is pushing 30!

[Samiamnh]

Here's how it's done !
I have a son who was 18 at the time....living with mom and stepdad but turned out to be a handful so they sent him to live with my wife and I.
We welcomed him,established a few rules and things went down from there.He partied more than he worked.Rarely got up before 10.Had a hot car that his stepdad gave hime and he'd come home in the wee hours with stereo blasting...even drove across wifey's flowers and shrubs a few times (huge mistake)
I warned him repeatedly and finally gave him two weeks to find another place.Two weeks came and went,then three.
I backed up my utility trailer to his room and cleaned it out and rented a storage locker.
He came home that afternoon to get ready for the evenings partying with a roadie working and the stereo cranking and I simply handed him the key to the locker and told him that was his new home.
Many will disagree with my actions but family or not,I won't have myself and my wife treated with disrespect in our own home.We did him a favor...rent free,meals when he was home and privacy in a nice room with it's own entrance.
Good luck

[grad_student200]

Originally Posted by ksaunmt

My son is 18, we have constantly been in battle with him, since he was 5. He hated school, but he did graduate. He is now a lazy, unmotivated slug. Over the holidays he got kicked out of our home, he came back after a week, promising to change, and for a couple of weeks, things went well. Last night he stayed out all night again. One of our rules is to find a job and come home Sunday through Thursday. He chose not to. I know the right thing is to throw him out and stick with it, but my heart is breaking and I feel like I am dying. I don't want to do it. My husband says if we don't, I am enabling his behavior, I know he is right. How do I be okay with myself after it is done? I know he has nowhere to go, we live in a very cold climate, he has no job, his cars heater doesn't work and people do freeze to death here. How can I do it? I love him, but I am sick of being treated like this by him. Please give me advice, I need strength. I know it needs to be done if I ever want him to be an adult. Although he is consistent in saying "I am 18 Mom, I can do what I want". Help me, I need advice on how to be strong and do the right thing.

Thanks

As bad as it seems, it could be worse. At least he has not gotten a teen girl pregnant nor gotten in a major DUI accident with fatalities.

With that said, an ultimatum seems best with some warning beforehand - kind of like a time limited performance measure with expectations. For example, if a company has serious problems with an employee they sometimes put that person on high warning and start micro-managing with performance metrics. This can go on for a month or so. If no improvement is made, then the layoff can happen.

Perhaps a fair warning with high expectations could be given. I would add the caveat of family counseling.
Suicide is a problem these days for that age group. But some responsibility should be achieved.

I am glad I never got married. I knew people often underestimate how hard parenthood can get - especially with wayward teens. I never underestimated parenthood, so I just decided to avoid it as long as I can despite the exorbitant social expectation to get married and rush into it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9B4gZZYYa-g

Best wishes.

[Jerseyt719]

Originally Posted by Samiamnh

Here's how it's done !
I have a son who was 18 at the time....living with mom and stepdad but turned out to be a handful so they sent him to live with my wife and I.
We welcomed him,established a few rules and things went down from there.He partied more than he worked.Rarely got up before 10.Had a hot car that his stepdad gave hime and he'd come home in the wee hours with stereo blasting...even drove across wifey's flowers and shrubs a few times (huge mistake)
I warned him repeatedly and finally gave him two weeks to find another place.Two weeks came and went,then three.
I backed up my utility trailer to his room and cleaned it out and rented a storage locker.
He came home that afternoon to get ready for the evenings partying with a roadie working and the stereo cranking and I simply handed him the key to the locker and told him that was his new home.
Many will disagree with my actions but family or not,I won't have myself and my wife treated with disrespect in our own home.We did him a favor...rent free,meals when he was home and privacy in a nice room with it's own entrance.
Good luck

God help the one that runs over my flowers and shrubs. It’s a ton of work and a labor of love to do and watch the rewards bloom.

I’m in a power struggle with deer over mine now.

My girls used to help me plant, so they knew what it took. You did him more of a favor by having him leave. At least he needs to figure things out now.