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I think 1) you need to be in closer contact with the parents of your child's friend and 2) need to work on your marriage and co-parenting. After that you can address your child's actions, not that I think there's any big deal about what she did. It's the natural outgrowth of what happens when two parents don't communicate with each other effectively and present a united front.
But as for a 10-year-old going on a mile long bike ride with two other adults? Pfft. It's close enough that she could walk back comfortably if she felt scared while biking, and you haven't said what kind of road it was. I was just driving in Florida, and saw plenty of people biking on the sidewalks or wherever there was a shoulder to the road. She was not necessarily pedaling down a 5-lane highway.
I can't even figure out who you're angry with. Your daughter? Why? Because she played one parent against the other or because she took a bike ride with her friend and the friend's grandparents? I see nothing wrong with that bike ride. Adults were along with the kids.
If you have so many reservations about this other family, why didn't you check out the plans before letting your daughter go?
I'm OK with the biking. We re helicoptering our children too much. I am not OK with playing one parent against the other.
Are you saying you wouldn't let your child visit a home where the child had older teen brothers? That is so sad.
No, that isn't what I'm saying at all...the point was that the child was being allowed to go into a home where her mother apparently has no idea who lives there and what goes on in that house. There are a lot of weird people in the world..maybe there are things going on in that home that her daughter shouldn't be exposed to. What I'm saying is....meet the people and get to know them before you allow your kid to spend time with them outside of your supervision.
I apologize for not reading the whole thread. When you dropped off your daughter, I hope you didn't just let her out with an "Okay, bye." At that age, you have to make sure the other parents know what the plans are. Tweens and little kids can be notoriously bad about planning something without checking with Mom or Dad. That when you pick up the phone or, at the very least, go to the door with your daughter. "Hi there, just checking that you know about the play date that Emma and Susan have been planning." That's when you say things like, "Let me know if you plan to go anywhere, okay?" and "Just checking that you have my cell phone number. I am going to be out shopping for a couple hours."
Years ago the mom of one of my daughter's friends took her along to a taekwondo class without telling me. I went to get her and found an empty house, no idea where they were or when they'd be back, and they were gone for a good hour or two past when I expected to pick her up. I was LIVID. My daughter was also about 10. I know the worry and anxiety you feel. Learn from this ... It's only going to get more complicated.
Learn from this ... It's only going to get more complicated.
That is what I was thinking when I read the original post..
Soon they will be driving, making weekend plans ect..
You need to learn to have the plans, rules and communication expectations
spelled out very clearly...
I apologize for not reading the whole thread. When you dropped off your daughter, I hope you didn't just let her out with an "Okay, bye." At that age, you have to make sure the other parents know what the plans are. Tweens and little kids can be notoriously bad about planning something without checking with Mom or Dad. That when you pick up the phone or, at the very least, go to the door with your daughter. "Hi there, just checking that you know about the play date that Emma and Susan have been planning." That's when you say things like, "Let me know if you plan to go anywhere, okay?" and "Just checking that you have my cell phone number. I am going to be out shopping for a couple hours."
Learn from this ... It's only going to get more complicated.
This is excellent advice...parents need to be detectives !!! Mine knew I would check out the plans ...
I would be more upset about the child playing the parents. She told you the truth when she got back in the car what happened, and who knows what led to it. Maybe they were bored inside and the grandparents, thought up a good idea to keep them busy. They could have been stuck inside playing on a computer, video game, or watching TV instead of being active.
If your concerned about that then simply mention it to the other parents that next time you would like to be informed if there are plans to go elsewhere, no biggy. I used to ride my bike for miles with a friend or two without parents knowing. We didn't have cells phones, we had quarters to make calls or simply did the "Would you like to accept a collect call from? MOM I'M AT JIMMY'S BE HOME BY 6".
Again I'd be more upset that my child already asked one parent and went to another for a different answer. That would definitely call for a small sit down where we discussed why that is not right. It would be coupled with a punishment of no play dates for a week or something to that affect as well.
No, that isn't what I'm saying at all...the point was that the child was being allowed to go into a home where her mother apparently has no idea who lives there and what goes on in that house. There are a lot of weird people in the world..maybe there are things going on in that home that her daughter shouldn't be exposed to. What I'm saying is....meet the people and get to know them before you allow your kid to spend time with them outside of your supervision.
I agree with the statement above but why would having older teen boys in the home be something to worry about? You specifically mentioned it so why do you think it is a problem?
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