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I wasn't familiar with either of my children using or hearing any words worse than hell (which they all freak out over when they hear) and damn (seldom heard at all). Once the oldest reached 10, then she began sneaking "the B-word" ...literally she did not say "bit--" but "B-word".
As noted, you are free to raise your children how you like to a deep extent. Sounds to me like you're trying to be a friend and not a parent. And I suffer from the same, admittedly. My kids are definitely respectful to other adults, they're good friends to their peers, and they make good grades. Most of us do, as a society, if based on nothing more than the number of little boys who wear shorts to school in 30-degree temps.
Children are given chances to make minor choices, and as they show the ability to make proper choices, they get bigger and more choices. Are you having a conversation with them about these clothing choices they want, and whether they're appropriate?
Or are you wondering whether we agree with your parenting style?
ahh, to re-read the original question, go back to my comments on "choice". You're supposed to be the adult. At the end of the day, until they're 18 or seek and achieve Emancipation, you're in charge of everything. You make the rules and the choices. My kids get "Do you want Cheerios or Special-K today?" Not, "do you want something appropriate or inappropriate?"
I do try to be a friend but I am the ruler of the house {their words} and make the end decisions as well as the punishments. Typically I like to dress them in plain shirts {or stripes} with very few graphics, an over shirt {flannel or nice button up} or a vest {complete with pocketwatch because of course I have one they needed one as well} and they wear skinny jeans for pants. They each have a different style/color pea coat and usually wear converse shoes. These are just the things I think they look great in. They both love to dress up at times as well. It's just when we are out looking for clothes they find a Big Hero 6 shirt, or a despicable me shirt and want it and I just think it's really childish and makes them seem very young. They both act like little men to me and I like them looking like that which is hard because they are kids. They like things kids like {as well as liking things i like as well}. Mainly I was just wondering if other parents have a hard time letting their kids chose things like clothes or when that leash of "I'm dressing you" breaks. They typically chose most of their day. They have homework time and have to help pick up their room/the house and the rest of their day is typically theirs. We all take turns choosing a place we want to eat when we go out, so they know that each gets to pick a place every fourth time. They pick places if we are just out and about and they want to go walk around the mall, they can. They each have a new ipod which I put some music on {that they requested} and they download their own games and have their own passwords and stuff. The clothing thing really gets me. I grew up playing sports and have tried not to pressure them into sports {one likes skateboarding, the other doesn't like much} but every spring I'm like "so baseball" and they sign up and halfway through their both sick of it. Same with basketball and soccer and everything. So yeah, long story short, just wondering if parents have as hard of a time as I do with not pushing their kids into directions that I think they should go in.
When my kids were younger, I picked out their clothes. As they got older and started to choose their own clothes, we had an agreement that we would BOTH have to agree. I paid for the clothes so I got a choice and they wore them so they got a choice. But we had to BOTH agree.
Dressing them like "little men" may result in them being picked on in school if they are dressing that differently than their peers.
For what it is worth, I don't agree with allowing them to swear either. My youngest is now 21. She doesn't swear in front of me but I don't doubt that she does swear when around her friends!
Location: River's Edge Inn, Todd NC, and Lorgues France
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I don't understand why you even brought up your young children's use of what most parents consider to be profanity. Or for that matter their size percentiles. Is that related in some way to permitting them to choose their own clothes?
Regardless, unless they want to buy some really tasteless t shirts, I see no harm in giving them some freedom in this regard.
But you know, whatever works. I have a friend who has always let her boys stay up as late as they want with no specified bedtime. Sounds like a recipe for disaster, but now she has two intelligent, well-behaved young men (one is in college, one in high school).
Not my bag, but it worked for her family, so I'm not going to point fingers.
I do try to be a friend but I am the ruler of the house {their words} and make the end decisions as well as the punishments. Typically I like to dress them in plain shirts {or stripes} with very few graphics, an over shirt {flannel or nice button up} or a vest {complete with pocketwatch because of course I have one they needed one as well} and they wear skinny jeans for pants. They each have a different style/color pea coat and usually wear converse shoes. These are just the things I think they look great in. They both love to dress up at times as well. It's just when we are out looking for clothes they find a Big Hero 6 shirt, or a despicable me shirt and want it and I just think it's really childish and makes them seem very young. They both act like little men to me and I like them looking like that which is hard because they are kids. They like things kids like {as well as liking things i like as well}. Mainly I was just wondering if other parents have a hard time letting their kids chose things like clothes or when that leash of "I'm dressing you" breaks.
What? No pentagram t-shirts? j/k
I get where you are coming from with the clothes. My older son is between the ages of your boys and for the longest time, I refused to buy him character t-shirts. When he was younger, he didn't care, but as he's gotten older he's started asking for them more and more. He sees his friends with them, and he wants to have what they have. I gave in this year and bought him a Pokeman t-shirt. He can't wear anything with a graphic on it to school so its just for afterschool/weekends, and I swear he would wear that shirt every day if I let him. While I don't love the shirt, it makes him happy, and its something that fits his tastes right now, and it cost me less than $10, so I file it under the "lets pick our battles" category.
FWIW, I like the style of clothing you are choosing for your kids. But if you are choosing it because you like them to look like "little men" then your really just playing dress up with your kiddos. Nothing wrong with you setting the guidelines, but I'd allow them a little flexibility in there too.
But you know, whatever works. I have a friend who has always let her boys stay up as late as they want with no specified bedtime. Sounds like a recipe for disaster, but now she has two intelligent, well-behaved young men (one is in college, one in high school).
Not my bag, but it worked for her family, so I'm not going to point fingers.
I agree...but to a point. I wouldn't think twice about my kids being friends/hanging out with children who had no bedtime. I can't say the same for the cussing. At all. High school age is one thing. Elementary school age is a whole different story. I find it thoroughly uncool. Call me lame.
My mom had lunch with our 7.5YO a few weeks ago. During lunch, he turned and asked her what the "F" word meant. Turns out, a little boy down the table had been saying it - apparently he cusses a lot at the lunch table. Absolutely, unequivocally, not my cup of proverbial tea. My kids think stupid, idiot, moron are bad/ugly words. I'm so wholeheartedly okay with that.
For us, we figure our children have a lifetime ahead of making their way in an often inexplicably jaded world. They are children for such a finite blink of an eye - and I'm fine with preserving this small window to the best of our ability, even if it's not forever.
As a program director for a variety of childcare/enrichment programs......nothing makes my job more difficult than parents who say "well at my house, my child is allowed to do such and such" when my staff or I are discussing that child's disrupting and unacceptable behavior while in our program.
The most common I've heard is "if my kid gets hit, I definitely want them to hit back"... My dad said the same thing when I was growing up. What you need to understand is when you have 250 other kids to worry about; that's not an option. Zero tolerance is a necessity in all school and childcare settings and it always will be. You have to have standards.
If you want to let your kids use foul language (whether you consider it inappropriate or not) or whatever else at home that is your decision. But you cannot act surprised/offended when your child is disciplined for behaving that way when they are around their peers.
Last edited by TarHeelNick; 02-26-2015 at 06:32 PM..
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j/k
