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So I have two boys, Reiley is almost 9 and Dublen is 7 1/2. They are identical in size {one is in the 50th percentile and the other is kind of off the charts} but serperated by a huge ocean as far as personality wise. One is a fighter, the other is a lover, one loves ketchup, the other mustard...I try to find them things to do seperately that they are into as well as group things that we are also into. They share a love of video games and movies {superheroes all the way} which is great. I've stated in a few posts about being liberal and whatnot. In our household nothing is off topic and we urge them to ask questions about things they dont know or things they have questions about. We stress the importance of being themselves and the fact they need to be respectful. They behave great out in public and always say please and thank you, at home we are much more casual about such things but still make sure they are respectful. Over the last year I have started to let them say things like "damn" and "hell" and whatnot. We had one incident at school where one got hurt in the class room and said "goddamn" which is a favorite of mine. They simply just told him that he wasn't allowed to say that in class and that was the end of it. They have not really picked up on the other curse words they hear, however they are quick to point out if someone uses a bad word and actually look at us if they want to say something worse than "damn" {usually it's a tv/movie quote that they are using for fun when talking/playing with each other. We haven't had any issues with talking about people being gay, lesbian, transgender, religious or anything else that might be hard for parents to talk about. I'm really quite thankful for this because I know I was brought up in a household where gay/racist slurs were used without an after thought.
The main problem I am facing now with them getting older is how to distance myself from ruling over small things in their lives. The biggest one is picking out clothes for them when we are buying things. I have a strong like for them to look good {in my opinion anyways} and usually always settle for buying them clothes that I like. I tend to go really overboard on buying them clothes {I spent probably 800 a year per kid}. Now with them getting older they want shirts that I find are just ugly/stupid/childish and I've started to buy them more of these in knowing that they are kids and it's a shirt that they want, or a pair of shoes or whatever it might be. I was just wondering if other parents have had similar issues with letting go of the reins and letting their kids be themselves as much as it might drive you insane.
We stress the importance of being themselves and the fact they need to be respectful.
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Originally Posted by reisenhoffer
They behave great out in public and always say please and thank you, at home we are much more casual about such things but still make sure they are respectful.
Quote:
Originally Posted by reisenhoffer
Over the last year I have started to let them say things like "damn" and "hell" and whatnot. We had one incident at school where one got hurt in the class room and said "goddamn" which is a favorite of mine. They simply just told him that he wasn't allowed to say that in class and that was the end of it.
Just a FYI I stopped reading after I read the last one posted above. You stress you taught your boys respect for others but yet have failed to teach them respect for their self.
And this is only my opinion but any parent who condones profanity from their child is doing a huge disservice to the child and shows a complete lack of respect for other families.
I dont believe using the words "hell" or "damn" are profanities, thus why we let them use them. They rarely is ever use any other bad words and when they do they look to myself or my wife {their mother} to make sure it's appropriate and in those circumstances it's usually quoting something they saw on tv or in a movie. I believe both boys have respect for themselves, and that really had nothing to do with the post. It was more about having the respect to let them be individuals and how I have a hard time letting go of some things which allows them to be kids.
I am sorry, not really familiar with the site and didn't realize there was an open board. All I've seen are boards by state/city. Carolinadawg2 do you consider "hell" and "damn" profanity?
I grew up in a house where swearing wasn't ever something that was forbidden for me or my brother {he was 10 years older so he naturally had more words at his disposal than I did} and something I learned when I got to 10-11 and up was that for my friends who's parents had rules against swearing when they were with me and other friends that they swore literally just to get the words out. These were some of the smartest people I knew at the time {and to this day} and they would just swear up a storm for the fact that they could, meanwhile they would always ask me why I didn't swear. I simply had no use for it, the words didn't hold as much meaning to me because I was free to say them when I wanted to and just simply chose not to. I was raised by my grandmother and never once said more than the S word in front of her, meanwhile I had friends who in middle school would use the F word and others in front of their parents seemingly for shock value. From my experiences the more rules children have the more rebellious they act/become. My two boys know that anything worse than "damn" and "hell" are against the rules for them and they don't ever try to push it further beyond that, meanwhile they come to me with stories at school where their peers are using adult language when they can get away with it and I think it's exactly like what it was when I was a kid/teenager.
I am sorry, not really familiar with the site and didn't realize there was an open board. All I've seen are boards by state/city. Carolinadawg2 do you consider "hell" and "damn" profanity?
I grew up in a house where swearing wasn't ever something that was forbidden for me or my brother {he was 10 years older so he naturally had more words at his disposal than I did} and something I learned when I got to 10-11 and up was that for my friends who's parents had rules against swearing when they were with me and other friends that they swore literally just to get the words out. These were some of the smartest people I knew at the time {and to this day} and they would just swear up a storm for the fact that they could, meanwhile they would always ask me why I didn't swear. I simply had no use for it, the words didn't hold as much meaning to me because I was free to say them when I wanted to and just simply chose not to. I was raised by my grandmother and never once said more than the S word in front of her, meanwhile I had friends who in middle school would use the F word and others in front of their parents seemingly for shock value. From my experiences the more rules children have the more rebellious they act/become. My two boys know that anything worse than "damn" and "hell" are against the rules for them and they don't ever try to push it further beyond that, meanwhile they come to me with stories at school where their peers are using adult language when they can get away with it and I think it's exactly like what it was when I was a kid/teenager.
Thanks, like I stated I was under the assumption it was all just state/city forums. As for your definition of words, obviously we differ on that. I went to sunday school until I was about 9 and I can tell you I had the words "damned" and "hell" more than either boys of mine. I thank you for your opinion and feedback.
They rarely is ever use any other bad words and when they do they look to myself or my wife {their mother} to make sure it's appropriate and in those circumstances it's usually quoting something they saw on tv or in a movie.
Except the incident when one of them got hurt in the classroom and said "G-D".
Yeah, that's swearing. And, again, just my opinion, but the fact you didn't provide further discipline after the child was "advised not to do it again" shows a lack of respect by you for other children.
Quote:
Originally Posted by reisenhoffer
I was raised by my grandmother and never once said more than the S word in front of her, meanwhile I had friends who in middle school would use the F word and others in front of their parents seemingly for shock value.
Again, lack of respect for one's elders.
So back to your original question: If you allow your children to express their self freely by swearing in front of other children in a classroom why would it bother you if they want to wear a shirt that you think is ugly?
I think most people consider "Hell" and "Damn" to be profanities, or "mild profanities". Obviously they're not as offensive as some words which would get starred out on this site.
Personally, they're your kids, so raise 'em as you want. They're not insulting, they're not ethnic slurs, and I think there are much worse things parents can do than let their kids use a little mild profanity (I used worse by the time I was 9, but not in school). But that said, it definitely falls under "profanity" for just about everyone.
The child who got hurt in the classroom ended up spending time in the nurses office for what happened and it was the first and only incident in which anything like that has happened and he happens to be an excellent student and what his teacher described as "a role model student in every single way" so I chose to not punish him for saying the exact same thing I would've said had I been in that situation so I felt that no further discipline was needed since the school took care of it. In a world where I can turn on the tv at any given moment and hear someone talking about "god damning" a homosexual, a democrat, whoever might be in the line of fire I hardly think it's something that shouldn't be able to be used. Although, I won't get into that since that is a whole different religious topic and completely off what I was trying to even ask in what I wrote. And again about the lack of respect for elders, being raised by my grandmother and in taking care of her for many years as well as the senior home in which she lived for the last 12 years of her life, I had zero {count them, zero} issues with anyone saying I was anything less that the most respectful person. My boys know not to use the words "damn" and hell" in front of company or even my wifes parents or my aunt and uncle. They use it around the house, and to applaud them they use them in the right context. I'm sad this has developed into a question of whether "damn" and "hell" are profanities {as we see, everyone has a different view} and not about the original question which I posed.
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