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We have a kindergartener and a 2nd grader. My husband finally got his offer in hand for an incredible opportunity in Raleigh, so we'll be moving there from Tampa. He'll get up there fairly soon to start working, I'll stay back to finish out our school year (I'm a professor and they're in a private school we've already paid for). We love their school here but I'm not in love with my job, have a serious illness, and this opportunity came up and its too good to pass up at this point in our lives...so we want to go for it. We'll be much closer to our families as he has relatives in Durham and all my family are in VA and the Carolinas. So it's sort of like coming home.
But...how do I break it to my kids? They are happy at school, have lots of friends and love our neighborhood. I know they'll have great schools up there and an even nicer neighborhood plus I'll be with them even more and without the stress we have now with 2 jobs, etc. Should I bribe them with a hamster or something? (j/k...sorta)....
I could just use some advice from those who've been there. Then I have to find a kid-FILLED neighborhood that they will love.
We simply said - we are moving and then told them all of the benefits of the place that we were going. We always talked with the kids in a mood of excitement. as the date approached, we talked about it more and more and discussed the advantages again and again. (I.e. I cannot wait until we will be able to go fishing right in our front yard!). I think that it is good to give them as much notice as possible so they can adjust to the concept with their existing friends. They are young enough that they will instantly adjust and make new friends. Some of our kids were starting high school and they ahd a harder time than the younger ones.
It's not going to be easy, but it won't be as bad as you think. My kids are 3 and 7 ... it's was a no brainer with the 3 year old but the 7 year old was hard.
First, don't stall ... I did and this prolonged his sense of dread. I toyed with the idea ... saying things like, "how would you feel if we moved ... wouldn't it be great to live somewhere with snow ... Mom and Dad are thinking of moving..." All of these questions and comments fell flat, he always said NO ... I don't want, too ... negative reactions to everything.
Well, when we finally decided to move we just sat him down and told him point blank. We said it kindly and very matter of fact. We told him we knew he didn't want to but he could write to his friends and he would make new ones. We talked about all of the wonderful things his new neighborhood would have.
He Cried for about 15 minutes ... a gut wrenching cry. But, then he got on board. He was excited about it. It's very important to let them help in planning, packing, labeling ... etc. They feel a part of the process this way.
Go to century21.com/smoothmoves/
They have some great advice on moving with children.
My kids were 3,7 and 10 when we moved last summer.It went very well.It was hardest on the 10 year old,of course.But we did talk about it alot! From the minute we decided to move we discussed it and included them and explained why we needed to move and how it would be better for everyone.It sounds like you will have alot going for you when you move,being closer to family.We moved to where we knew no one.But I did what you plan to do.We found a neighborhood with lots of kids,close to a great school.When the first neighbor kids came and knocked on the door,all was good.We realy tried to make it all like a big adventure for everyone,and it was.I also signed them up for activities once we got there so that was fun for them too.I bet your kids will adjust very quickly.
I have four children (1,2.4.6) and we moved twice last year and are planning on moving again in June. The first move was difficult for us, me included. We moved about four hours from family. We made it out to be a grand adventure as some of the other posters mentioned. We even promised them a trampoline in the new house (we changed our mind but it got us through the moving process). We also talked up all the positives - going to a new house - so exciting- starting new activities (all the same but better places--we told the girls that the gymnastics place was really good, etc., compared to where they currently went). Our second move was cross country and this was wasn't too bad. We've already started preparing the girls for the move in June and although it's always scary - it's an adventure and we'll all be together -- which is really all that matters.
This will be hard for your children. You need to explain it to them, be ready for them to be upset, and be ready to field questions. Make it like an "adventure" where they can come and help you guys find a new house, talk about all the fun things in the new city, make a list of things you'd like to do together in Raleigh, talk about writing letters to their friends (and maybe arranging a visit every once in awhile), and about having a big party before you leave. If there is something they would like to do but haven't done yet (like take dance lessons, karate, etc) have them pick something and enroll them when you get there. Help alleviate fears about never seeing their friends again, making new friends, etc. After you find a home, go and have visits at their new school to make them feel comfortable, try to find a kid filled neighborhood...
I thought this was a good site NNCC Moving to a New Home
There are child friendly books you might want to get that help them prepare themselves and discuss the process.
We moved two years ago. Our kids were 14, 14, 12, 11, and 5.
They all did pretty well. It was a big move (2800 miles). We pushed the older ones a little bit to get involved in things so that would meet people (in fact we told them that they had to get involved in something or we would pick something for them). It also helped that we lived about a block from the high school and right across the street from the local bakery. It helped make our house a cool place to hang out or drop in. (We also have an open door policy, friends are always welcome).
We timed the move so that they had a few weeks before school started to get acclimated, but not so long that they get bored or felt friendless. Of course our older ones had the added advantage of a built in friend (twin).
We also stayed really really busy exploring our new area, visiting relatives, and doing things that we could not do where we lived before.
It seemed to work ok They made friends quickly and one of the twins eventually forgave us for moving.
We will be moving in March with an 8 and 10 year old. They are aware that we've been "For Sale", which when we listed back in August was a bit traumatic for them, but will be told tomorrow we have buyers. I think they were hoping this wouldn't happen until the summer so I'm sure this will be difficult for them. My husband and I are going to throw them a birthday/good-bye party together in March, buy them each an autograph book for all their friends, and take lots of pictures. It is going to be very difficult for all of us. Then, I am going to call the new schools in NC before we move, let them know they are coming and ask if maybe something can be done by the other kids in their classes to give them a warm welcome on their arrival...the new kids on the block. Jeannie
We haven't moved yet but are trying to get out of MA and down to NC--probably the Raleigh area. I have a job that can pick up and move with me (as of tomorrow, that is!), but we'd like to wait it out a bit to see if hubby can make something happen on his end that might help with relo. Also, it will enable me to get up and running with the new company so that working long distance will go smoothly.
We have a 17 year old (11th grade) 13 yr old (8th grade) and 8 yr old (2nd grade). The 13 year old is raring to go but I think if he started high school here next year, we'd encounter way more resistance. This would be a good time to make a break for him and though he has friends, he's anxious for adventure and to see new places. Both the older kids have lived in 3 cities already, but the first move happened when they were 3 and 3 months, the second when they were 6 and 3. This is almost 11 years later and my youngest has never lived anywhere else. So this is without a doubt the most difficult move we've faced.
We're leaning toward having my oldest stay and finish out senior year here. If my husband finds a job with/without relo, he'll go down first with the other two--before the 2008/09 school year. I'll stay behind with the oldest until college apps are in (Jan 09?) and then have him finish out living with trusted friends of ours.
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We just moved
