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So a quick backstory, my daughters mom and were together for 6 years before we called it quits last Jan. We lived together to satisfy the lease we had until the end of September. I moved from Upstate NY to LI with her, found out we were pregnant, then moved out of her parents downstairs apartment to Queens.
Now, I live in Queens, she moved back in with her parents on LI. It's an hour train commute which I make each week to see her. She lets me stay over upstairs in her parents area because she needs me to watch my daughter while she is at work all day about 1 to 2 times a week.
As you know, NYC is expensive. This was only supposed to be a couple years thing because we wanted to visit and work in different areas since we were young. Now I am contemplating moving away from the area. I pay 700 a month for a tiny room in a 3 bedroom apartment. I spend at least 20 dollars a week just to use the train to my daughter plus another 112 a month for trains to get to work and back. My work recently cut our commissions (I'm at a gym doing sales) so I lost about 500 per month in income.
My question is, would I be a horrible father if I moved away? I have friends that moved to Houston including my old manager. They make lots more than me, live in a cheaper and nicer place, and generally seem happy. I don't want to leave her. She is almost 4 and I have spent 19 months directly playing stay at home dad in the past. Also, her mom would look at it like abandoning her. My problem is I can't make enough working here to really get ahead. I'm sick of struggling here. I did way better back home where I spent 275 on a shared 2 bedroom with a balcony and a cheap car.
Lastly, I have a girlfriend of around 3 months as well. I think my daughters mom will get angry and saying I'm running off with her (if things work out that way, I have no expectations) if I decide to leave. I just know I can find a better job, pay less, and leave the snow and cold behind. I plan on talking to her in a couple months (to make sure I flesh out everything in my mind and ensure this is what I want to do) to see her reaction but I have no clue how to bring it up to her. HELP!
I think you should bring it up with her sooner rather than later. Tell her you're thinking of moving for financial reasons. You could ask if she's ever considered moving for the same reason...I really doubt she'd want to leave her parents, especially since she's living with them, but at least it would sound like you were trying to include her.
Your relationship with your daughter will definitely suffer if you move far away. You'll probably spend as much to visit her or have her visit you one time each year as you spend on the train to see her all year. But if you can't afford to live where you are now, you may just have to make the move and try to visit her when you can.
So a quick backstory, my daughters mom and were together for 6 years before we called it quits last Jan. We lived together to satisfy the lease we had until the end of September. I moved from Upstate NY to LI with her, found out we were pregnant, then moved out of her parents downstairs apartment to Queens.
Now, I live in Queens, she moved back in with her parents on LI. It's an hour train commute which I make each week to see her. She lets me stay over upstairs in her parents area because she needs me to watch my daughter while she is at work all day about 1 to 2 times a week.
As you know, NYC is expensive. This was only supposed to be a couple years thing because we wanted to visit and work in different areas since we were young. Now I am contemplating moving away from the area. I pay 700 a month for a tiny room in a 3 bedroom apartment. I spend at least 20 dollars a week just to use the train to my daughter plus another 112 a month for trains to get to work and back. My work recently cut our commissions (I'm at a gym doing sales) so I lost about 500 per month in income.
My question is, would I be a horrible father if I moved away? I have friends that moved to Houston including my old manager. They make lots more than me, live in a cheaper and nicer place, and generally seem happy. I don't want to leave her. She is almost 4 and I have spent 19 months directly playing stay at home dad in the past. Also, her mom would look at it like abandoning her. My problem is I can't make enough working here to really get ahead. I'm sick of struggling here. I did way better back home where I spent 275 on a shared 2 bedroom with a balcony and a cheap car.
Lastly, I have a girlfriend of around 3 months as well. I think my daughters mom will get angry and saying I'm running off with her (if things work out that way, I have no expectations) if I decide to leave. I just know I can find a better job, pay less, and leave the snow and cold behind. I plan on talking to her in a couple months (to make sure I flesh out everything in my mind and ensure this is what I want to do) to see her reaction but I have no clue how to bring it up to her. HELP!
Well, your OP talks all about your needs, what you want, how you are affected, what's going on in your life. How about think of your daughter, and what she really needs?
I'm sorry, but it is abandoning your daughter if you move cross country. She is young, she needs you there. We stayed in a city we didn't like for 15 years so my husband could raise his children from his first marriage.
Houston isn't a Mecca like people are making it out to be. I'd find a way to be happy there.
If you were still together and raising your daughter, would you still be thinking of moving? Happens all the time. I've known several families that were married with children, yet mom or dad worked on the other side of the country. Sometimes ya gots to do what ya gots to do.
Sorry, but if I were her mom I'd be so sad for her. You'll break your daughter's heart. Maybe you could try to figure something else out before moving all the way to Houston. There are other places in NY besides NYC.
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