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I wonder how your relationship with your daughter would be affected if somehow, someone showed her this thread... a thread you think she'll never see, she never could have fathomed even existed. Eerie just thinking about it.
Could be very sad for you... for you both, you know, if she doesn't already know that you're racist.
You ARE racist...you never mentioned him being a bad influence, a problem child, or gave us ANY indication why you felt he is not worthy of dating your daughter EXCEPT his skin color.
Having 6 children by 6 different men (5 are foreign born adopted, one is home made) and all those kids now adults having married every color of the rainbow, we ALWAYS told our kids, as long as you bring someone home that RESPECTS YOU, treats you correctly and has good morals and respect for others, we are THRILLED you are making great choices. Our little UN of grandchildren are black/Asian/Mexican/white/Heinz 57 and we love each of them (and our son in laws) with everything in us!
Look at the QUALITY of the young men your daughter wants to date mom, not the COLOR. Color is not a choice, ethics, quality and respect for others is CHARACTER QUALITIES!!!!!!
Even the son in law we lost to divorce recently is a wonderful human we still love, just very OCD and unable to deal with his only child's handicaps as he has this NEED to make everything "right" and sometime things just are not able to be fixed. He will ALWAYS be the father to our precious grandson!!!!!
Arab Muslims will discriminate against Arab Christians. It's not "race" so much as a difference in culture or religion. Would you rather your daughter date a black man with a similar cultural background and values or a white guy that has little in common with her?
Having a lot of 1st-generation American friends, I've realized that blacks and whites are very similar culturally. As much as we divide ourselves, we tend to do the same things for holidays, eat similar food etc. Any differences between black and white arise when you're comparing different economic classes (i.e., a well-to-do black with a redneck or black dude from the hood and a white girl from a fancy suburb).
In the final analysis, she is YOUR Daughter, not the Daughter of anyone on here, so it is absolutely your right to want certain things for her, and for you to to not want her to do certain things. Any Parent who says they would not think the same way is lying.
I don't think it makes you any worse of a Parent than if she came home with a white guy who you felt was not of the right character for her, or who you felt might harm her.
Over the years, my Sons dated girls that my Wife and I felt were somehow not right for them, and I don't feel bad for having those feelings.........we were generally right in the end. You are simply a loving Dad who has your own sense of values and you just want the best for her. If my own Sons came home with a black girl, I can't say I would be exactly thrilled either. It is no different than an Italian family wanting their Daughter to marry another Italian, or a Jewish family wanting another Jew to be dating their child. It is just the way the world is.
Stone me if you wish, but we all do things that others could judge, but they are not living our lives.
You ARE racist...you never mentioned him being a bad influence, a problem child, or gave us ANY indication why you felt he is not worthy of dating your daughter EXCEPT his skin color.
Having 6 children by 6 different men (5 are foreign born adopted, one is home made) and all those kids now adults having married every color of the rainbow, we ALWAYS told our kids, as long as you bring someone home that RESPECTS YOU, treats you correctly and has good morals and respect for others, we are THRILLED you are making great choices. Our little UN of grandchildren are black/Asian/Mexican/white/Heinz 57 and we love each of them (and our son in laws) with everything in us!
Look at the QUALITY of the young men your daughter wants to date mom, not the COLOR. Color is not a choice, ethics, quality and respect for others is CHARACTER QUALITIES!!!!!!
Even the son in law we lost to divorce recently is a wonderful human we still love, just very OCD and unable to deal with his only child's handicaps as he has this NEED to make everything "right" and sometime things just are not able to be fixed. He will ALWAYS be the father to our precious grandson!!!!!
Sounds like you have a lovely family. Genuinely. I wish you people well. But I do not see how this affects me and my daughter.
I think being someone deserves the racist label when the person believes people of another race are inferior or evil solely because of that race. Someone who prefers that their child not form romantic relationships with those of other races because they believe that their child should cleave to those of his/her own kind, rather than a belief in the inferiority or evil of the child's prospective romantic partners of other races, may, in my opinion, be cautious or clannish or even discriminatory or prejudiced, but I don't think they are racist. It's a very human instinct to want to keep one's children within one's own ethnic/racial group.
I would think that the mother has the right to demand her daughter not see the young man as long as the daughter is under 18, and after that, still has the right to dictate who can and cannot come into their home. When the daughter is of age, she will have the legal and moral right to make her own decisions regarding who she will date.
If I had a 17-year-old daughter, and she wanted to go out with a boy of another race, or a muslim (which I am not), I would hope that I would judge the situation according to the maturity of the girl and the boy, and the character of the boy (and what I know of his family); as well as how others in the school and community might react and treat the youngsters. But I might be inclined to forbid it until my daughter went to college or something, which would probably prod the daughter to deliberately seek out a young man of a different race or whatever - which is not desirable either; if my hypothetical collegiate daughter took up with a muslim or black or whatever student, it should be because the young man is interesting, she likes him, etc. not to rebel against Mommy.
In any case, I'm probably not qualified to comment, being childless, but I did so anyway...
Haha, it's easy to type all these politically correct, flowery things about how this person is a racist for feeling the way they said they feel, but I would bet good money that if most of these "Liberal Thinkers" children came home with a black boyfriend or girlfriend tomorrow it would be a replay of "Guess who's coming to dinner !" Easy to say when it isn't your own Son or Daughter.
My daughter is 17 and she's dating a young black man who is also 17.I'm just not comfortable with the idea of her being with the guys she's with. Call me old school if you like.
Quote:
Originally Posted by don1945
If my own Sons came home with a black girl, I can't say I would be exactly thrilled either. It is no different than an Italian family wanting their Daughter to marry another Italian...
Kachere, meet don1945. don1945 meet Kachere. Hey, would you two guys like to meet up with me this weekend at the local KKK meeting? We'd love to have you guys as members. And don't worry, we aren't racist. We're just "old school" and love other white people.
We don't like them gays, Jews or Mexicans either. But don't worry, we aren't racist.
I think being someone deserves the racist label when the person believes people of another race are inferior or evil solely because of that race. Someone who prefers that their child not form romantic relationships with those of other races because they believe that their child should cleave to those of his/her own kind, rather than a belief in the inferiority or evil of the child's prospective romantic partners of other races, may, in my opinion, be cautious or clannish or even discriminatory or prejudiced, but I don't think they are racist. It's a very human instinct to want to keep one's children within one's own ethnic/racial group.
I would think that the mother has the right to demand her daughter not see the young man as long as the daughter is under 18, and after that, still has the right to dictate who can and cannot come into their home. When the daughter is of age, she will have the legal and moral right to make her own decisions regarding who she will date.
If I had a 17-year-old daughter, and she wanted to go out with a boy of another race, or a muslim (which I am not), I would hope that I would judge the situation according to the maturity of the girl and the boy, and the character of the boy (and what I know of his family); as well as how others in the school and community might react and treat the youngsters. But I might be inclined to forbid it until my daughter went to college or something, which would probably prod the daughter to deliberately seek out a young man of a different race or whatever - which is not desirable either; if my hypothetical collegiate daughter took up with a muslim or black or whatever student, it should be because the young man is interesting, she likes him, etc. not to rebel against Mommy.
In any case, I'm probably not qualified to comment, being childless, but I did so anyway...
That's what I used to think the meaning of "racist" meant. Thinking one race is superior to the other. It's crazy how its meaning has been devalued today.
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