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I just didn't want my child to even start with the sugar and candy, not that I think its so bad to give a taste of sucker to a two week old. But even if mom hadn't done it no way would I have been able to prevent this without an ongoing fight with everyone my kid came in contact with.
Just the way things evolve. The younger generation concedes to the older.
Most people have enough common sense to know what is actually dangerous.
What is funny is that IME it is usually the grandparent that have the common sense and complain about the parents feeding bad foods or letting kids stay up too late, watch too much TV, etc.
How about the grandparents concede to the actual parents?! My parents might disagree with some things I do and question it but no way would they outright go against it. They know that would be wrong. Its not their kid.
Thank you. This is exactly what I think. The parents have to bow down before the grandparents who have "earned" the right to do any idiotic thing they want to do, and who have zero respect for their now adult children.
I STILL think the OP's requests were perfectly reasonable for a 9-month-old infant. I can't believe how many people have said, "Parents, back off, let Grandma do whatever she wants. As long as the child isn't actually dead or visibly maimed, you have no right to interfere!"
Quote:
Originally Posted by saibot
Oooohh, okay. Everyone in your culture forces candy on babies and there is just no way to combat that. Well, then.
You mentioned this was 30 years ago. I'm not all that young. I was babysitting 30 years ago, and you'd better believe I never, not for a second, thought it was okay to feed candy to tiny babies.
+1.
And candy or anything other than breast milk or formula for my baby... F that. No, no, no. I'd be livid.
Oooohh, okay. Everyone in your culture forces candy on babies and there is just no way to combat that. Well, then.
You mentioned this was 30 years ago. I'm not all that young. I was babysitting 30 years ago, and you'd better believe I never, not for a second, thought it was okay to feed candy to tiny babies.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natsku
I can't believe someone would actually give a lollipop to a two week old!
Are you always this militant. We aren't talking handing a lollipop to an infant, try giving them a taste by briefly putting a sucker to their mouth. Geesh.
Quote:
Originally Posted by saibot
Thank you. This is exactly what I think. The parents have to bow down before the grandparents who have "earned" the right to do any idiotic thing they want to do, and who have zero respect for their now adult children.
I STILL think the OP's requests were perfectly reasonable for a 9-month-old infant. I can't believe how many people have said, "Parents, back off, let Grandma do whatever she wants. As long as the child isn't actually dead or visibly maimed, you have no right to interfere!"
I don't think were talking idiotic things here. Letting a 9 month old play with a toy at feeding time or having the TV on and only approved foods (don't know what those are for the OP). But if those things are what is most important to a parent then by all means make that call and good luck with it when it comes to the child staying at friends or going to school or any other time they are out of your site.
As long as someone carries the label, "grandparent," anything goes?
I've asked a few times and people keep ignoring the question. Would this behavior be acceptable if it was done by a friend, an aunt, etc?
Dangling a toy in front of a 9 month old while they are eating or having your TV on when the child is in the room or giving them a taste of a treat? No different than a friend or relative IMO. I have had my aunt and other relatives give my kids sweets. As an aunt I have done as I pleased (within reason) when their kids were in my care.
If your going to be so strict in these regards to your children then don't leave them with other people.
I think those of us with grown kids see the forest for the trees. We see the positives for our kids when grandparents were not following our rules. The parents still in the power struggle with grandparents only see the trees.
But, I have the benefit of hindsight!
Last edited by texan2yankee; 04-10-2015 at 03:48 PM..
I think those of us with grown kids see the forest for the trees. We see the positives for our kids when grandparents were not following our rules. The parents still in the power struggle with grandparents only see the trees.
But, I have the benefit of hindsight!
Hmmm....Maybe grandparents are having the power struggle.
I say let the new young Mothers have their turn of Mothering the way they want to. Grandparents need to take the backseat. For most it is an exciting time being a new Mother. Don't get in the way of their excitement. Every generation is different in how they want to raise their children. We all pretty much come out okay.
I remember when I was a new Mother, I used to write myself notes to how to be a good Grandmother when the time came, what I felt I needed as a new Mother. I will follow my own advice if and when the time comes.
I think those of us with grown kids see the forest for the trees. We see the positives for our kids when grandparents were not following our rules. The parents still in the power struggle with grandparents only see the trees.
But, I have the benefit of hindsight!
Absolutely. I personally won't get into a power struggle with my son and DIL. If I did, it would be over food. I would not feed our gs the regular diet he appears to exist on, which is french fries, Sunchips, and ice cream. His parents tell me he eats a balanced diet at school, and he is perfectly healthy, but it drives me nuts anyway. I am an expert at biting my tongue! I had my chance, but I guess all those vegetables and lean meats didn't sink in.
Hmmm....Maybe grandparents are having the power struggle.
I say let the new young Mothers have their turn of Mothering the way they want to. Grandparents need to take the backseat. For most it is an exciting time being a new Mother. Don't get in the way of their excitement. Every generation is different in how they want to raise their children. We all pretty much come out okay.
I remember when I was a new Mother, I used to write myself notes to how to be a good Grandmother when the time came, what I felt I needed as a new Mother. I will follow my own advice if and when the time comes.
I see what you're saying. The correction I would make is that it's a two way street.
I mean, we're not talking about idiots and wise men here, generally speaking. In normal situations, we're not talking about ANYONE who is determined to destroy the health or wellbeing of a beloved child. All we're talking about is usually things that don't make all that much difference one way or another in the total scope of things.
I gave the example earlier of whether to lay a baby on it's back stomach, or side. When I was raising kids, the prevailing "wisdom" was "lay a baby on it's stomach." Every pediatrician and manual I ever read recommended that. The idea was that a baby could turn it's head if it was smothering but if it was laying on it's back and spit up it might choke.
So I was adamant about laying my babies on their stomach. I mean, I might be looser about whether or not she played with a toy while she was in the high chair, or whether or not her grandpa had the evening news on while she was sitting in his lap, but doggone it, you better put that baby on her stomach when you laid her down!
Lo and behold, now the prevailing attitude seems to be to lay the baby on her side, with a receiving blanket rolled up under one side of her, or even on her back. You can imagine how this struck me when my daughters came home with their new babies - my adorable, precious gifts from God, my perfect grandchildren that I would lay across a railroad for if necessary. I was very surprised, and initially concerned, when they laid those beautiful, vulnerable tiny babies down, smack on their backs, and then tucked a little blanket under them on one side and left the room. OMG!
However, I remembered how adamant I was about what I believed was correct, and I also thought, "If I roll that baby over, and something happens to her, I can't imagine how horrible that would be, and the damage to my relationship with my daughter. I am just going to have to trust her judgment on this." I mean, I asked them each if they felt this was safe, and they both gave me good reasons for it - and I just had to let it go. And I did.
And guess what - all my kids survived just fine - and so far so good on all my grandkids. Neither sleeping on their sides nor sleeping on their stomachs seems to make all that much difference, even though I felt very strongly about it at the time, and so do my daughters. So be it.
Bur I balance this perspective with the image of my own beloved grandmother, and my own mother, her daughter in law, who graciously looked past her mother in law's "bending of the rules" and spoiling the grandkids - and I think of how sweet those little moments were, what sweet memories I have of my mischievous grandmother winking at me and slipping me some mints out of her purse, or letting me stay up late at her house and watch (gasp) Police Woman or some other show my parents wouldn't let me watch - and I realize that my parents KNEW she was "sneaking" and were wise enough to look the other way. And I also realize that nothing - absolutely NOTHING - my grandmother did that was "against their wishes" had any negative effect on me at all. In fact, it's the opposite - I remember her as "the soft touch," the person who could see no wrong in me, the safe place I could turn to when I needed a little extra petting or spoiling, the doting, spoiling, soft and fragrant, gentle woman who always and forever saw the best in me - even when I was being a little punk.
My dad used to stand back in amazement and say, "The aliens have abducted my mother and left a fake woman in her place - a woman who is never irritable, who never raises her voice, who lets kids eat cake for dinner and who doesn't even notice when little ones track mud into the house."
And now, guess what - apparently the aliens abducted my parents and left sweet and precious old people to fill in whenever the grandkids and great grandkids are around. And when my grandkids burst into my door, I take off with the aliens and some gentle pushover of a softie takes my place. Kool Aid? I never once served it to my kids. Now my fridge is full of Capri Suns. Bedtime? Bedtime for my kids was always 8 or 9 PM depending on their age, and I'd often pop in a movie so I could get some work done while they were preoccupied. Now I'll sit down with the grandkids and watch To Kill A Mockingbird and it may be 10 pm before we go to bed, after we've baked a batch of brownies while the movie was playing.
If my kids broke a window, I'd make them do chores around the house to pay for the pane of glass. If my grandchild breaks a window, I fly to their defense - "Oh, don't even worry about it - it was an ACCIDENT. You know what - come give me some sugar and we'll call it even!"
Not that they shouldn't be responsible -but I know their parents will hold them responsible. I don't have to anymore. My drill sergeant days are OVER and so be it.
I think that's the point I want to make - that we've done our turn as disciplinarian and drill sergeant. Now, with grandkids, we know that, generally speaking, we're not responsible for their day to day discipline - we can sit back and relax a bit.
And it's all good.
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