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I agree entirely with your post and would never drop off my 10 year old at the mall period. I didn't let them go till they are 13 and I stayed at the mall with them. If you read rest of the posts you would have seen that.
In any case it's long over and definitely an eye opener of a thread.
Age has little to do with it. Until my children are out on their own, paying their own bills, and legally and financially responsible for their own decisions, it is my job as a parent to make sure that the people they hang around with are good for them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletG
I guess it's a good thing that no one suggested not meeting the kids....it's how the mother went about it that was very odd and disrespectful to the teens.
Then again I see that quite a few in this thread don't think very highly of teenagers in general....so if you view them all as lying drama queens then I can see where the problem is.
The mother said she needed to meet the kids before her daughter could hang out with them. Would you rather that she was a stalker and surreptitiously followed them around the mall?
As for teenagers, I was one a number of years ago. I was an idiot at times, just like every other teenager that has ever lived. While I expect my children to make bad decisions as teenagers, I will do everything in my power to make sure that those bad decisions are their own, and not due to the influence of their fellow hormonally overcharged adolescents.
If it's any consolation you have one person on your side.
Thank you. I've several dm and rep comments too. I truly get that they have experiences and that's what influencing their posts/advice. It's just really an eye opener at how many experiences are similar and unlike mine.
I guess it's a good thing that no one suggested not meeting the kids....it's how the mother went about it that was very odd and disrespectful to the teens.
Then again I see that quite a few in this thread don't think very highly of teenagers in general....so if you view them all as lying drama queens then I can see where the problem is.
I don't believe most posters mean to imply that the girls are lying (or that they have poor opinions of teens - many of us have had teens). I do think there is a good possibility they are taking what was actually said and processing it via a fifteen year old brain, then passing it along via a fifteen year old mouth. Teenagers are very egocentric. This is not a slam at all, it just is. They are very self-conscious and they think (even subconsciously) that other people's actions are a reflection of THEM. Why do you think they try so hard to fit in? Or when they don't, they feel like "everyone" is noticing them? I don't think it's beyond belief that the mothers actual words and ideas got blown way out of proportion, not because the girls lied but because they processed it from an egocentric perspective.
I also don't find it hard to believe at all that a girl might be embarrassed by her mother, when she's meeting new people, then vented to the person she did know (Leah) so to make it very clear that she (Penelope) knew the whole thing was "lame" but couldn't do anything about it. She didn't want the new friends to think she thought it was normal of her mom to do that because she might be afraid that would reflect poorly on her. Sounds very fifteen to me, no lying involved.
Edit - also want to chime in to say that being an honor student does not always equate to "not likely to get into any trouble" (not saying that applies to the OPs group, just saying that as a general observation)
Last edited by maciesmom; 04-12-2015 at 07:35 PM..
Thank you. I've several dm and rep comments too. I truly get that they have experiences and that's what influencing their posts/advice. It's just really an eye opener at how many experiences are similar and unlike mine.
No one likes all that nonsense.
I'd know within a few visits of hanging out with someone how things were at their house.
If you're trying to have fun and the house you go over to is stifling, its pointless.
I'm cutting through all the other replies and adding mine (c'mon, it's 11 pages)
Kids lie. Then they lie about lying. Sorry. If you think your kids don't lie to you then God bless you but when you realize they do, remember I told you so.
I seriously wouldn't allow my young teenage girl to hang out at the mall for 4 hours. (in some areas that's not allowed) I'd go with them, sit with a book (if I wasn't into shopping around) and expect them to check in with me every half hour. I can guarantee they'll stop asking to go to the mall.
If all they wanted to do is hang out, why don't they go hang out at your house? Hmmmm?
I can't believe parents DON'T want to meet their kids' friends!
Lying liars lie, eh? How many teenage girls do you have? IMO, 15 isn't a "young" teen. What do you want them to do, if not go to the mall? Hanging out in a shopping area is a time-honored activity for kids. I actually did that 50 years ago, when I was 15.
NO ONE has expressed any objection to Penelope's mom wanting to meet the girls.
Moderator cut: orphaned quote and answer
Last edited by Miss Blue; 04-13-2015 at 02:06 PM..
Reason: deleted the deleted quote and your answer
I don't get it but all I had was a boy. He is mid twenties
What is the problem with the Mother needing to meet to ensure the kids are alright for her daughter to hang with? Sounds like a great Mom to me. Whether the parents are good, well the kid isn't hanging out with them so it seems less important
I feel the same way. I'm very close with my girls and I know all their friends. When my eldest girl started dating, I said fine. But if he pulls up and honks the horn, you're not leaving the house. He needs to come in and spend 3 minutes or so just meeting me and your dad. If he can't do that - then, out he goes. (And we expected her home on time).
I don't think it's much to ask.
One boy my girl dated, I didn't like him very much but... I didn't dislike him either.
He was much taller than me. He came over to "make up" after they had a "break-up".
I asked him; "Hey Mike, can you help me change out the batteries in our smoke detectors upstairs because I'm not quite tall enough even on the highest wrung of the the ladder?" You never saw a boy move so fast. He was happy to help! Good kid! My daughter SIL and "Mike" are still friends to this day!
I feel the same way. I'm very close with my girls and I know all their friends. When my eldest girl started dating, I said fine. But if he pulls up and honks the horn, you're not leaving the house. He needs to come in and spend 3 minutes or so just meeting me and your dad. If he can't do that - then, out he goes. (And we expected her home on time).
I don't think it's much to ask.
One boy my girl dated, I didn't like him very much but... I didn't dislike him either.
He was much taller than me. He came over to "make up" after they had a "break-up".
I asked him; "Hey Mike, can you help me change out the batteries in our smoke detectors upstairs because I'm not quite tall enough even on the highest wrung of the the ladder?" You never saw a boy move so fast. He was happy to help! Good kid! My daughter SIL and "Mike" are still friends to this day!
This is not a dating issue. Penelope is not getting into a car with some guy to speed off into the night. They were going to a very public place.
And again, NO ONE has said Penelope's mom shouldn't meet the girls. NO ONE!
Last edited by Miss Blue; 04-13-2015 at 02:08 PM..
Reason: red text is reserved for moderator notes
This is not a dating issue. Penelope is not getting into a car with some guy to speed off into the night. They were going to a very public place.
And again, NO ONE has said Penelope's mom shouldn't meet the girls. NO ONE!
Don't get all "red hot - all caps" about it! They are teen age girls... this is a parenting thread... we share experiences. What do you think is next after the mall shopping with the girls happens? They get a little older and want to go on a date. You set the ground rules as a parent when your child is young and then as they get a little older, the rules have to change a little bit just to be fair to the kids.
I guess my point was, I want to know who my kid is hanging out with regardless of their sex or any other factor. I don't care what they look like, how much money their parents make etc. None of that means anything to me. If I get to meet the parents, that's a bonus!
I just want a couple minutes to size them up for decent social skills and respect. I've met some kids who wanted to hang out at our house just to get away from their parents because things were "bad". (Some of them talked to me very confidentially asking for advise about "stuff" because they couldn't talk to their own parents).
One girl ran away from home for a couple days and her mom called me to ask if she was at my house. I told her "no", but invited her to come over for a glass of wine or coffee or something. She did. She cried at my table.
If you can manage to establish respectable relationships, then everyone wins.
BTW, that whole family came to my daughters wedding yrs. later and the "run-away" was one of the bride's maids! A wonderful family that went through a tough time...
I feel the same way. I'm very close with my girls and I know all their friends. When my eldest girl started dating, I said fine. But if he pulls up and honks the horn, you're not leaving the house. He needs to come in and spend 3 minutes or so just meeting me and your dad. If he can't do that - then, out he goes. (And we expected her home on time).
I don't think it's much to ask.
One boy my girl dated, I didn't like him very much but... I didn't dislike him either.
He was much taller than me. He came over to "make up" after they had a "break-up".
I asked him; "Hey Mike, can you help me change out the batteries in our smoke detectors upstairs because I'm not quite tall enough even on the highest wrung of the the ladder?" You never saw a boy move so fast. He was happy to help! Good kid! My daughter SIL and "Mike" are still friends to this day!
That makes sense, he should get out of the car
I am glad they remained friends and he's a good kid. They're both lucky
The girl my son dated at 17, he is still in contact too. Her parents were very protective but very kind to my son. He was very sheltered so he didn't pick up on anything being off when Dad decided to join them on a date. Not that it necessarily was but I could see some Teens going what in the world?? He came home excited he was invited for dinner the following evening. We asked, do you think the girl likes you? Umm....I *think* so, he replied. It was kinda funny.
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