Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
OP you son needs a routine. If he knows what to expect, it will lessen his anxiety. A hardy dinner and the same bedtime each night. No computer before bed.
-Earlier bedtime. 9:30 is way too late for a 9 year old.
-No electronics after a certain time. This would be great for parents too. No kid wants to see a parent still on the web looking at youtube while he is forbidden to do it. Ditto for phones.
-If he is hungry at bedtime, establish a default go-to food that is filling and easy, like a peanut butter sandwich or a granola bar. If he doesn't want that choice, he's not really hungry. If he is constantly hungry before bed, he needs to eat more at dinner. Of course, the earlier bedtime will come into play here also.
- be the parent and take charge. Kids can't make all the choices for themselves at 9.
- 30 minutes of quiet activity in bed before lights out is a good practice. They don't have to turn off the lights, but they must lie quietly and read a real book. Make it clear that at the designated bedtime, lights go out.
- counseling?.. Nah. Parental guidance and clear expectations.
Elementary schools in our district start at 8:00 am, middle schools start at 8:45 am and the high schools start at 7:15 am. It's really hard for the high school kids as research shows they actually need more sleep.
I don't understand why everyone is zeroing in on the food and tablet issues specifically
The way I understood it, this specific scenario was just an example the OP used to describe his son's reaction/ behaviour, which is what he is really worried about - not the fact that he was hungry after dinner or playing on the tablet, but the fact that he had a meltdown over it, refused to eat after the OP offered, etc. As I understood it, the OP and his wife have been concerned about this type of behaviour in general for a while, and this was just one recent example. To me it doesn't sound like addressing the food issue alone is the solution because the OP's son could very well react similarly to some other completely unrelated issue. Yes he could be tired or need an earlier bedtime, but for a nine year old that still seems a bit extreme of a reaction to a common situation, it's something I'd expect to see in a tired toddler, maybe 4 or under, but a nine year old should be able to regulate his emotions better. The OP didn't say whether this kind of behaviour also happens at other times of day or other situations, but if it does, it's likely not related to bedtime/hunger/tablet use, but is rather an emotional issue. The question to address would be WHY he shows this anxiety and rigidity (refusing to eat because it's late). This is something I've observed in my son from time to time too, and yes it does get worse when he's tired/hungry etc, but that's not the sole cause, it's the underlying perfectionist/ anxious personality.
-Earlier bedtime. 9:30 is way too late for a 9 year old.
-No electronics after a certain time. This would be great for parents too. No kid wants to see a parent still on the web looking at youtube while he is forbidden to do it. Ditto for phones.
-If he is hungry at bedtime, establish a default go-to food that is filling and easy, like a peanut butter sandwich or a granola bar. If he doesn't want that choice, he's not really hungry. If he is constantly hungry before bed, he needs to eat more at dinner. Of course, the earlier bedtime will come into play here also.
- be the parent and take charge. Kids can't make all the choices for themselves at 9.
- 30 minutes of quiet activity in bed before lights out is a good practice. They don't have to turn off the lights, but they must lie quietly and read a real book. Make it clear that at the designated bedtime, lights go out.
- counseling?.. Nah. Parental guidance and clear expectations.
All of the above but mainly the three below, then the others.
- Be the parent and take charge. Kids can't make all the choices for themselves at 9.
- You need to set some rules.
- counseling?.. Nah. Parental guidance and clear expectations.
I don't understand why everyone is zeroing in on the food and tablet issues specifically
The way I understood it, this specific scenario was just an example the OP used to describe his son's reaction/ behaviour, which is what he is really worried about - not the fact that he was hungry after dinner or playing on the tablet, but the fact that he had a meltdown over it, refused to eat after the OP offered, etc. As I understood it, the OP and his wife have been concerned about this type of behaviour in general for a while, and this was just one recent example. To me it doesn't sound like addressing the food issue alone is the solution because the OP's son could very well react similarly to some other completely unrelated issue. Yes he could be tired or need an earlier bedtime, but for a nine year old that still seems a bit extreme of a reaction to a common situation, it's something I'd expect to see in a tired toddler, maybe 4 or under, but a nine year old should be able to regulate his emotions better. The OP didn't say whether this kind of behaviour also happens at other times of day or other situations, but if it does, it's likely not related to bedtime/hunger/tablet use, but is rather an emotional issue. The question to address would be WHY he shows this anxiety and rigidity (refusing to eat because it's late). This is something I've observed in my son from time to time too, and yes it does get worse when he's tired/hungry etc, but that's not the sole cause, it's the underlying perfectionist/ anxious personality.
I think all of the examples show how the 9 year old is reacting to a lack of consistent routine. Children can develop anxiety from not knowing what to expect. The OP needs to create a routine plan for his son, and not deviate from it, for example, the child would know dinner is at 6PM, bedtime is at 8PM. Routine will bring about less confusion for the child.
A firm bedtime schedule is a must, starting about 7:30, including the very last thing, bathtime, book time (non-electronic) and lights out.
Over stimulation from electronics is a big issue, imo. Cut off can be 7:30. Spend family time ALL TOGETHER, not with each of you on your own tablets.
Let him help plan meals including evening snack. Period. He can fix eggs on Saturday morning if he wants.
The most important thing, imo: Absolutely get all the artificial colors and flavors out of his system. It's driving him mad. I have first hand experience of how this can change your life. Once you start him down this road - and it takes three days to get the chemicals out of his system - he will be so glad to feel "normal" (like everyone else). He will police himself. You owe it to him to feed him right for a week. It's not that difficult. Read your labels. (vanillin is artificial, btw) The modern day Feingold diet people have imposed dumb things like no tomatoes. Stick to eliminating the chemicals. Period. Any yellow cheese any smoke flavoring... usually listed at the end. Medicine is tricky, but doable.
Elementary schools in our district start at 8:00 am, middle schools start at 8:45 am and the high schools start at 7:15 am. It's really hard for the high school kids as research shows they actually need more sleep.
We have buses on our street at 6:30am. I feel bad for those kids! Usually it's still dark.
I don't understand why everyone is zeroing in on the food and tablet issues specifically
The way I understood it, this specific scenario was just an example the OP used to describe his son's reaction/ behaviour, which is what he is really worried about - not the fact that he was hungry after dinner or playing on the tablet, but the fact that he had a meltdown over it, refused to eat after the OP offered, etc. As I understood it, the OP and his wife have been concerned about this type of behaviour in general for a while, and this was just one recent example. To me it doesn't sound like addressing the food issue alone is the solution because the OP's son could very well react similarly to some other completely unrelated issue. Yes he could be tired or need an earlier bedtime, but for a nine year old that still seems a bit extreme of a reaction to a common situation, it's something I'd expect to see in a tired toddler, maybe 4 or under, but a nine year old should be able to regulate his emotions better. The OP didn't say whether this kind of behaviour also happens at other times of day or other situations, but if it does, it's likely not related to bedtime/hunger/tablet use, but is rather an emotional issue. The question to address would be WHY he shows this anxiety and rigidity (refusing to eat because it's late). This is something I've observed in my son from time to time too, and yes it does get worse when he's tired/hungry etc, but that's not the sole cause, it's the underlying perfectionist/ anxious personality.
This ^^^ is a case of letting the trees obscure your view of the forest.
With kids, it's best to start with the most essential, obvious concerns: Are their basic needs being met?
In this case, the overarching needs (food, rest) are most likely being pushed aside by WANTS (tablet time). The way the OP worded the post, this problem happens regularly. This is his routine. His routine needs to be changed.
Start there and see if the behavior regulates. If not, pursue other options.
This ^^^ is a case of letting the trees obscure your view of the forest.
With kids, it's best to start with the most essential, obvious concerns: Are their basic needs being met?
In this case, the overarching needs (food, rest) are most likely being pushed aside by WANTS (tablet time). The way the OP worded the post, this problem happens regularly. This is his routine. His routine needs to be changed.
Start there and see if the behavior regulates. If not, pursue other options.
I took it to mean that similar things happen at other times too, not just with food at bedtime. I could be wrong - the OP needs to clarify. If that's the case though, there are likely other issues at play not related to the food. Again, it seems like a bit of an extreme reaction to what happened - most nine year olds should be able to handle a situation like this by just saying they're hungry and eating if it's offered - even if they're tired. Here the reaction seems like that of an over-tired toddler's that hasn't yet learned emotional regulation.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My 9 year old can't make simple decisions
