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Oh come on people, seriously? Yelling at a kid once in three years when you're in a panic about their safety is grounds for therapy?? Very very few people have NEVER raised their voice at their kids, every parent has had times where they lost it, and imo if it's not done on a regular basis where you're shouting insults at them or something, it's not the end of the world. I'd even say having the child see you upset and worried and yes, even angry, in a situation that warrants it can even be beneficial in the sense of letting them know that this is really serious and they need to stop messing around now. Parents have emotions too, we're not robots, and it's not that terrible for children to know it, as long as it's within reasonable limits. And it's also good for them to see how you handle it - if you feel you went overboard, apologize afterwards, give her a hug and say you're sorry and didn't mean to upset her but that you were scared she could get sick. Then move on. I doubt it's going to scar her for life.
The screaming was so severe that the child shut down and was crying. She's 3!!! The screaming was followed by punch a door and a broken hand which was lied about to a doctor. Yeah, there's a MAJOR problem with this person. You do NOT know that she isn't scarred for life. Things like this escalate very quickly often times. Ever watch the evening news and hear about the domestic violence reports and child abuse reports. It's not a joking matter. People with this kind of rage kill people.
The screaming was so severe that the child shut down and was crying. She's 3!!! The screaming was followed by punch a door and a broken hand which was lied about to a doctor. Yeah, there's a MAJOR problem with this person. You do NOT know that she isn't scarred for life. Things like this escalate very quickly often times. Ever watch the evening news and hear about the domestic violence reports and child abuse reports. It's not a joking matter. People with this kind of rage kill people.
If this is true....the entire site seems to have a problem with one hit wonders with outrageous stories lately....but if this is true....if a parent is hitting a door so hard it breaks their hand over a common frustration with a 3 year old (not even taking into account the fact that a 'bar fight' seem a logical lie) is a huge warning sign.
It's not a joking manner....they need help. The kid might not be scared for life....but this is not good....in anyway shape or form.
The voice of reason. Amazed how quick people like to recommend therapy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by angiesu
It occurred to me. Have you ever felt this before? This deep anger? Is this new? Is there anything else lately you've noticed about yourself? Anxiety? Mood swings? Tired? The reason I ask is this could be a symptom of something medically going on with you.
So you got a problem with people saying check your mental health (therapy) but then follow up with a rec to check for physical health? (I'm not discounting your rec as it could be a probability as well.)
I'm completely scratching my head at some of the anti-therapy people here because it just seems off. You have one of them saying perhaps not yelling at child for three years has contributed to the rage, while the others either totally glosses over or minimize the effects of seeing the parent raging, then smashing their hand. Well, anti-therapy people, it seems you too could use some talking time as well.
Gum is not all that problematic even if swallowed. Most of it is made of dextrose - a near undigestable sugar that passes through you essentially undigested. The rest of it is just made up of sugars and flavours and colours. And none of those are toxic or worrisome unless you are making it in your country markedly different from ours.
Anger issues do seem to be more your problem however than screaming at a child. If you address the former then the latter will deal with itself. The idea you can not speak to your doctor about this is also a poor one. That is what they are there for and if you feel you can not communicate well with your doctor then find another one with whom you can.
Anger issues and anger management are areas where we have many approaches - everything from meditation to dietry changes and even medication. And everything in between. I give a guided meditation "class" where I live to students and people for free - and in fact there are a number of people who came to me with anger issues and addiction issues - which I had never expected - and have reported that it has helped them greatly.
Consult with some books and professionals on the issue - and there are likely on line forums with a wealth of advice and ideas for you to consider.
I second every poster on here who has said to get help.
I am not being sanctimommy, but I will tell you that not only have I never yelled at my 3 year old kid, but I haven't ever gotten angry with him.
Have I been frustrated by a situation? Sure. Am I firm and sometimes unrelenting despite his upset/tears? Yup.
How? How is this possible? Here is how I approach this guy.
First of all, I see people dying all the time. Kids, too. That changes a lot about how you see the world, what kind of things are important and what isn't, etc. It gives you a bigger perspective on how all of our time on this earth is limited and allowing small, insignificant things bother you is just a waste of time.
Second of all, he's a little kid. He is barely out of being a baby. He has no freakin' clue what he's doing. He has zero experience. He is totally helpless and totally dependent on me. I could no more yell at him or hit him than I could kick a puppy. It makes no sense. Keep this in mind when dealing with your kid.
Third, try to find the amusing thing in all the craziness. Try to find the silliness and the absurd. Sometimes I know I could be angry, but I am laughing instead.
Also remember that sometimes when you get mad at the kid, you're actually angry at yourself (in this case for leaving gum where she could get it) and you're displacing the anger in your moment of panic/fear.
But seriously. If you're hitting things, you need help. Please get some. From what I have seen, kids only get into more trouble as they get older.
Let me start by saying I'd never physically hurt my child.
But I am certain that my outbursts will emotionally hurt her if I cannot control them.
I yelled at my kid for the first time last week. Three years in and I've never yelled at my daughter. I've certainly left the room and screamed into pillows, but never in front of my kid.
That changed last week. I thought my kid had eaten some gum, and was trying to get her to tell me where the two missing packs were so I could determine if she had ingested any from a SAM's club pack. Asking turned to yelling as I fell into panic about how harmful the chemicals could be if she ate like 30 pieces of the stuff. This of course caused her to completely clam up and she started to cry, and I punched a door, breaking my hand in the process. So now I'm taking care of a kid one handed, a giant fiberglass reminder of my over reaction in prominent display for all to see.
I really cant talk to anyone about this. Even the doctor was told that it happened in a bar fight.
I do not want to yell at my kid again. I felt awful while doing it but couldn't stop, it was horrible and just built on itself. But I want to ensure that this never happens again, so do you all have any resources, or pointers on controlling anger, or even just handling a proportionate response?
If all you're focusing is on is the fact you yelled at your kid, and not that you then broke your hand while punching a door, you have more issues than I care to comment on, other than, your child needs to be away from you until you get help for your anger issues. You will escalate to hitting your kid if you don't.
Let me start by saying I'd never physically hurt my child.
But I am certain that my outbursts will emotionally hurt her if I cannot control them.
I yelled at my kid for the first time last week. Three years in and I've never yelled at my daughter. I've certainly left the room and screamed into pillows, but never in front of my kid.
That changed last week. I thought my kid had eaten some gum, and was trying to get her to tell me where the two missing packs were so I could determine if she had ingested any from a SAM's club pack. Asking turned to yelling as I fell into panic about how harmful the chemicals could be if she ate like 30 pieces of the stuff. This of course caused her to completely clam up and she started to cry, and I punched a door, breaking my hand in the process. So now I'm taking care of a kid one handed, a giant fiberglass reminder of my over reaction in prominent display for all to see.
I really cant talk to anyone about this. Even the doctor was told that it happened in a bar fight.
I do not want to yell at my kid again. I felt awful while doing it but couldn't stop, it was horrible and just built on itself. But I want to ensure that this never happens again, so do you all have any resources, or pointers on controlling anger, or even just handling a proportionate response?
I do think a counselor would be good to see.
Also, I have seen parents who were so determined to be neutral and cool that they held back way too long in letting a child's behavior escalate. They THOUGHT they were handling it, but they were just stopping up (natural) feelings until the situation would suddenly explode. An ex did that, acting very blase indeed until KAPOW, he would punch a wall over some crap behavior from our child that had gone on way too long. He refused to discipline in a real way, until overwhelmed. So watch out for that.
You went into a rage screaming and broke your hand slamming it through a door! I would have been afraid of you, so imagine
Imagine the fear of your child.
Either learn to control yourself or get help with anger management.
Children either remember things that frightened them or they repress it and it often affects them later on.
I hate to just jump on the bandwagon here but I do think talking to a professional could help you. Your expectations are unrealistic if you think you are going to make it through parenthood without ever getting mad or yelling at your kid. It's not great but it's reality. So you could use a reality check about that, and about way to deal with that normal, natural parental anger. Because really, raising kids is hard and hearing a neutral third party tell you that you are doing ok can help a lot.
But there is a huge difference between getting mad and yelling and getting enraged enough to hit a wall and break your hand. And that is where the continuing risk is for both you and your child. You need to learn appropriate reactions and boundaries- when it's ok to get mad and then how to handle that anger so you don't explode. Please get some help, for your own sake and your child's. You will both be better off long term.
You went into a rage screaming and broke your hand slamming it through a door! I would have been afraid of you, so imagine
Imagine the fear of your child.
Either learn to control yourself or get help with anger management.
Children either remember things that frightened them or they repress it and it often affects them later on.
That's a good point. I probably would have been afraid, too. Of course a 3-year-old -- who sees us all as a giant -- would be scared.
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