My 8th grader son asked me to buy him condoms... (child support, daycare)
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You told him to come talk to you if he was thinking of having sex, and that you would help him with getting condoms. He believed you. He's on the verge of becoming sexually active. He told you, and asked for your help in getting condoms. It's too late to now say, "No, I lied. I'm gonna keep you from it." It's too late to lock him up. He's going to have sex, unless you supervise him 24/7. Counsel him, get him the condoms and spermicidal foam, and keep the lines of communication open.
Can you imagine the will power that it took on his part to NOT have sex that first time he had the opportunity? You are human. You know how strong the sex drive is. Don't be stupid. Get him what he needs. And talk to your wife, too, but not to rat him out. Talk with her about it because you are parenting this kid together.
I had a friend of a friend that got pregnant when she was 15. She sat around with her friends debating which of the THREE boys she should pin it on. She would just tell him that he was the only one.
Nowadays of course, you could get a DNA test. But imagine, even if your son uses protection, he could get mixed up in something like this. Also imagine your wife finding out this way.
If you were to choose the constant supervision route, you would hire an adult babysitter to pick him up from school every day, and be with him until you or your wife were home. You would not let him go be with his friends on the weekends, because he might go have sex. You would supervise him the way you did when he was four years old.
How well do you think that's gonna go over? How long do you keep it up? Until he leaves for college?
You told him to come to you. He believed you. Now get him the condoms, cause I bet you that he's gonna have sex the next opportunity - which could be in about 2 hours, if you're on the East Coast.
OMG OP you are going to give me a heart attack. Your son is a CHILD. It could be worse? Hell, this is worse. Having sex too young is psychologically damaging to a child. Of course they *want to*. Doesn't mean they are ready to or should.
You are letting your bro-ship and you memories of your own libido cloud your judgement.
I swear to god, if my husband did this and kept it from me, I might divorce him. You will be found out and I hope your relationship is on really solid ground. This is a co-parent situation! This is a PROBLEM.
If you were to choose the constant supervision route, you would hire an adult babysitter to pick him up from school every day, and be with him until you or your wife were home. You would not let him go be with his friends on the weekends, because he might go have sex. You would supervise him the way you did when he was four years old.
How well do you think that's gonna go over? How long do you keep it up? Until he leaves for college?
You told him to come to you. He believed you. Now get him the condoms, cause I bet you that he's gonna have sex the next opportunity - which could be in about 2 hours, if you're on the East Coast.
"I told you that you could come to me. I never said id tell you what you wanted to hear".
Then I'd supply him with some.... if my boy was old enough to know how to use a condom, and KNOW that he SHOULD use one, then I'd buy them for him. Smart boy. Don't complicate things.
If you were to choose the constant supervision route, you would hire an adult babysitter to pick him up from school every day, and be with him until you or your wife were home. You would not let him go be with his friends on the weekends, because he might go have sex. You would supervise him the way you did when he was four years old.
How well do you think that's gonna go over? How long do you keep it up? Until he leaves for college?
You told him to come to you. He believed you. Now get him the condoms, cause I bet you that he's gonna have sex the next opportunity - which could be in about 2 hours, if you're on the East Coast.
I don't think constant supervision is realistic, but just throwing your hands up and assuming there is no other way to stop them is irresponsible.
I had several long talks with my sons (one is 14, so these are ongoing with him). We talk about under what circumstances he feels like he would be ready. We talk about the psychological effect sex has on boys and girls. We talk about what happens if he gets a girl pregnant and the impact that will have ON THE REST OF HIS LIFE. We talk about how difficult temptation is to overcome and how not to put yourself in that situation in the first place.
My older son told me that he always remembered that I told him it can be painful for a girl the first time. He said that was an eye-opener for him and it made him realize how much he didn't know. He actually waited until he was nineteen. Not because he was afraid of punishment, but that was the conscious decision he made.
They are not mindless beasts and won't behave that way unless you indicate it's okay. They are capable of self-control. This is what makes us humans.
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