My 8th grader son asked me to buy him condoms... (support, parents)
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Great. So your kid is able to talk to you. But it sounds like you are incapable of talking back and grabbing his attention, explaining common decency.
Any girl he is interested in is likely 10 - 13 yrs old. Babies really. It's not acceptable. Even with protection. You basically gave him your permission to go sleep with some little girls.
Think for just a second or two (if you have the time) the ramifications sex can have on both kids. I'm not going to spell it out for you. I would expect you to already know it.
And if you keep this secret from your wife, you are making the biggest mistake ever. Hopefully she can fix what you broke.
Buying your kids birth control isn't condoning or encouraging sex. As I mentioned earlier, my moms friend was very uptight and her daughter had sex at 12. Buying it is ensuring, well reducing the odds, of your kid becoming a teen parent or getting a disease. In Colorado they started handing out free birth control to teens and teen pregnancy dropped significantly. Texas is an abstinence only state and has the highest rate of teen parents with at 2 or more kids. Point is, they are going to do it whether you tell them to or not and the best thing you can do is protect them. Right now, this father's job is to try and delay his son as long as possible and find out who this girl is.
I also think you can do this without **** shaming the girl. She is making the exact same decision as your son. How is she the only one that is "not a keeper?" On the flip side, I could tell my daughter that a boy who wants to have sex at that age is not a keeper because he is not respecting her body. Think about that.
OP, hate to break it to you but kids are having sex that young.
Up until this point he's probably been getting BJ's for the last year or so. (speaking bluntly)
There were kids in my 8th grade class having sex and that was over 30 years ago.....
Yes, the extreme minority of 14 year olds are having sex. The majority of them are only having sex with themselves however. Most young teens are both too immature and too awkward to navigate something that serious. When I was in middle school the boys would get condoms from the bathroom dispenser and all claim they were having sex, when in reality none of them were. Which is likely what is happening with the OPs son as well. Aint nothing new under the sun.
What? Boys and girls are different. I remember being his age and the reason things like this didn't happen is NOT because boys his age aren't completely willing it's because most girls that age didn't do things like that and were virgins. If this girl is willing to do something like that so young (and maybe has done it before) she is probably not a very nice girl. It's a double standard but it's true. That's not really the issue here..I am still waiting for him to walk in the door he is usually home around 10pm on school nights so I wont know anything until I talk to him.
I think perhaps you need a time machine back to the 1920's . If you think that girls aren't equally filled with hormones then you don't have much a clue about the female gender.Most girls that age are just not mature enough to navigate that type of relationship, and neither are most boys. Believe me plenty of girls who are ready for sex have boyfriends that aren't. That fantasy of the chaste young girl being pushed into sex by her horny rabbit boyfriend all the time is just that, a fantasy.
It speaks well to you as a parent that your son is able to approach you in this way.
I was the mom that had a basket of condoms sitting on the counter in the bathroom, and my sons knew they had access, as well as their friends. They were rather embarrassed, which is fine with me. Eventually one of the boys said "Mom can we put the basket away? Like in a drawer or something?" So it went into a cupboard. Honestly they were so tired of hearing mom talking cheerfully about sex that they just did not want to go there. Which is fine with me, I just regularly chatted up that the reality of sex is that with it can come pregnancy; venereal disease (yes one look at a photo of a lesion on a penis is a great deterrent, because you can't un-see it); and
That it is very expensive. For boys in middle school that was probably the most effective deterrent I presented to my sons, that if you have a kid, even if you don't marry the girl, you are financially responsible for the kid for the next 20 years or more, and the money will be taken out of your paycheck that's the law.
Bottom line is I wanted my sons to be responsible for the consequences of their actions, and to realistically know what those consequences are. And then remind them that it is their choice. Which it is.
I applaud the opening post person for having that level of trust bestowed upon him by his son.
Buying your kids birth control isn't condoning or encouraging sex. As I mentioned earlier, my moms friend was very uptight and her daughter had sex at 12. Buying it is ensuring, well reducing the odds, of your kid becoming a teen parent or getting a disease. In Colorado they started handing out free birth control to teens and teen pregnancy dropped significantly. Texas is an abstinence only state and has the highest rate of teen parents with at 2 or more kids. Point is, they are going to do it whether you tell them to or not and the best thing you can do is protect them. Right now, this father's job is to try and delay his son as long as possible and find out who this girl is.
I also think you can do this without **** shaming the girl. She is making the exact same decision as your son. How is she the only one that is "not a keeper?" On the flip side, I could tell my daughter that a boy who wants to have sex at that age is not a keeper because he is not respecting her body. Think about that.
isnt encouraging sex? If you handed your kid a remote would he go watch tv or go do his homework?
Buying your kids birth control isn't condoning or encouraging sex. As I mentioned earlier, my moms friend was very uptight and her daughter had sex at 12. Buying it is ensuring, well reducing the odds, of your kid becoming a teen parent or getting a disease. In Colorado they started handing out free birth control to teens and teen pregnancy dropped significantly. Texas is an abstinence only state and has the highest rate of teen parents with at 2 or more kids. Point is, they are going to do it whether you tell them to or not and the best thing you can do is protect them. Right now, this father's job is to try and delay his son as long as possible and find out who this girl is.
I also think you can do this without **** shaming the girl. She is making the exact same decision as your son. How is she the only one that is "not a keeper?" On the flip side, I could tell my daughter that a boy who wants to have sex at that age is not a keeper because he is not respecting her body. Think about that.
This post is right on the money, IMO.
How long has it been since some of you other posters were 14? 70 years?
The reality is, in 2015, sex is becoming a very real possibility at the age of 14. I was 16 when I first had sex and that was over 20 years ago. Even then, I had classmates who got pregnant at 13 and 14. I grew up in a small rural/suburban community, not the "ghetto," and kids were still becoming sexually active at 14.
OP, I think it is is great that your son was willing to reach out to you about it, and that says a lot of about the parenting job you have done and your relationship with your son. He trusts you, and I think we would all love to say that about our relationships with our children. I think the worst thing a parent can do when it comes to sex is berate or shame their kids. That will only make the child shut out the parent. It isn't going to stop the sex from happening.
There is a wide gap between realizing that an 8th grader may be sexually active, and condoning it by remaining quiet when that child comes to us for condoms. I honestly can't believe some of these responses. Parents are not supposed to turn a blind eye to this type of activity between children. We are supposed to have an open discussion on why it's not a good idea, and why it's worth waiting. And then tell them to keep it in their pants, no ifs, ands, or buts.
I have a feeling this OP is in the "atta boy" club, to his son's detriment.
I think the worst thing a parent can do when it comes to sex is berate or shame their kids. That will only make the child shut out the parent. It isn't going to stop the sex from happening.
The only person who brought up shame was the OP, when he started making judgments about a 13-year-old girl's worthiness as a person.
Fact is that no matter how cool you try to be as a parent, the kid isn't going on any double dates with him any time soon. His son trusts him TO A POINT.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie
There is a wide gap between realizing that an 8th grader may be sexually active, and condoning it by remaining quiet when that child comes to us for condoms. I honestly can't believe some of these responses. Parents are not supposed to turn a blind eye to this type of activity between children. We are supposed to have an open discussion on why it's not a good idea, and why it's worth waiting. And then tell them to keep it in their pants, no ifs, ands, or buts.
I have a feeling this OP is in the "atta boy" club, to his son's detriment.
There is a wide gap between realizing that an 8th grader may be sexually active, and condoning it by remaining quiet when that child comes to us for condoms. I honestly can't believe some of these responses. Parents are not supposed to turn a blind eye to this type of activity between children. We are supposed to have an open discussion on why it's not a good idea, and why it's worth waiting. And then tell them to keep it in their pants, no ifs, ands, or buts.
I have a feeling this OP is in the "atta boy" club, to his son's detriment.
It needs to be talked about most certainly....it needs to be an ongoing conversation. ....but hand out the condoms in the mean time for pity's sake. Do you really want possible STDs and pregnancy to go from a theory discussion to what you have to actually deal with?
I swear some parents really think their kids will never find out about six and just play ostrich....which is not good for anyone. Young teenagers have been having see for centuries...it's nothing new.....it was not invented last year....last decade or even last century.
Get condoms and contraceptive foam or gel, and keep them in the house where he has access to them. The combination of the two is 99% effective. Tell him that it's best that the girl also get on the pill. Have a talk with him about responsibility and the consequences of unintended pregnancy, and the emotional ramifications for both of them of breaking up after having been sexually involved. But if he is 14, and he has a girl who is willing to have sex with him, and a place to do it, he's gonna do it! No amount of talking to him about why he shouldn't is going to stop him from doing it.
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. If you think that girls aren't equally filled with hormones then you don't have much a clue about the female gender.Most girls that age are just not mature enough to navigate that type of relationship, and neither are most boys. Believe me plenty of girls who are ready for sex have boyfriends that aren't. That fantasy of the chaste young girl being pushed into sex by her horny rabbit boyfriend all the time is just that, a fantasy.
