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I would leave it alone, maybe things will turn around. Me, my siblings, and my parents didn't like my brother's girlfriend, now wife at first either. She has done some shady things to him, but he married her so I decided to go ahead and befriend and we get along pretty well actually. She also has never worked a job before either so my mom thought she was trying to get over because my brother makes a lot of money. My belief is my brother made his choice. If things go wrong, he'll have to deal with the choice he made. It was hard for my mom to take this approach but she is learning to let go.
It sounds very strange to me that she was raised here, at least for a while (half her life?), has been living here and wants to come back to South America to be close to family? Isn't her immediate family here?
I don't know about all the countries in South America, but the ones I know people from, women are not longer longing to be housewives or being raised to be one. That was in the 50's and earlier. Actually in many of them the percentage of college educated women is higher than the men. Most places both parents work in the family because you need to to make ends meets. COL is higher there than in the States if you take into account the salaries that people make. It works for US people to retire there because they get their money in dollars but for the locals the life is not easy, even being a professional.
So, I do think she's lazy and unmotivated. Does her mother work? In the South American people I've meet here the women work 9 out of 10.
But about your question, other than to make him think (the 20 years question is great), there's nothing you can do. Sorry...
It sounds very strange to me that she was raised here, at least for a while (half her life?), has been living here and wants to come back to South America to be close to family? Isn't her immediate family here?
So, I do think she's lazy and unmotivated. Does her mother work? In the South American people I've meet here the women work 9 out of 10.
she grew up in South America and went to USA for high school and college, living with aunt, then moved back in with mom, going back and forth between New York and South America. Yes her mother works in USA, but my understanding is that in South America the mom does not work. I wonder if the girl not working is cultural, or because daddy's always paid the bills, or her own desire to be pampered, probably all of the above.
Several people (my son's brothers and their friends) are trying to help her find a job, and she turns up her nose at the job leads they provide and states why she could never work there. She particularly says she could never work at any government job, and is vocal about what is wrong with the USA. (my little voice inside saying "so then....leave")
also she is in debt with college loans. I think that is the kicker for me....drop out of college, don't get a job, and expect your boyfriend to pay off your debt. she wants a sugar daddy it sounds like to me. she is an only child and very pampered by her parents.
My mom never liked any of my girlfriends or my wife, and she always meddled. Guess what happened? My wife can't stand her and doesn't want to visit her, I have to force the gathering.
It sucks, just keep your pie hole shut.
P.s. 12 years later my mom admits she was wrong about my wife.
After almost a decade? Seriously do you have anything that backs up your belief? Just because your son is "depressed" does not mean it has to do with his girlfriend.
My mom did not like all of my girlfriends. As I look back on it she told me flat out when she did not like one and why. And I am glad she did. Did this make me cut off relationships, no but it did influence me much as my friends opinions did.
she grew up in South America and went to USA for high school and college, living with aunt, then moved back in with mom, going back and forth between New York and South America. Yes her mother works in USA, but my understanding is that in South America the mom does not work. I wonder if the girl not working is cultural, or because daddy's always paid the bills, or her own desire to be pampered, probably all of the above.
Several people (my son's brothers and their friends) are trying to help her find a job, and she turns up her nose at the job leads they provide and states why she could never work there. She particularly says she could never work at any government job, and is vocal about what is wrong with the USA. (my little voice inside saying "so then....leave")
also she is in debt with college loans. I think that is the kicker for me....drop out of college, don't get a job, and expect your boyfriend to pay off your debt. she wants a sugar daddy it sounds like to me. she is an only child and very pampered by her parents.
I wonder if your son is realizing that she probably just thinks of him as a "meal ticket" or "money tree" and that is why he is dragging his feet on getting married to her. After 10 years you think he would have either decided to get married or break it off.
Is your son paying for her student loans or other bills now? Who is paying her expenses right now, since she doesn't have a job? Who is paying for those plane tickets back and forth to South America?
Kill her with kindness. Invite her over--a lot, so that those two lovebirds spend absolutely as much time together as possible. When/if she treats you badly in his presence, give him "that look" discreetly.
Maybe you need to buy her a plane ticket to visit her family--one-way, of course. Or, send them both. Once he gets a taste of what it would be like to live "down there" with her family, coupled with the fact that her behavior towards him will get WORSE when she's in her element, he'll come to his senses.
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