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It seems your and her issues are intercultural maybe interracial with Hispanic and Gringo cultures clashing. Sometimes it just doesn't work out. Is it weird that she lives with her parents here but prefers to live with relatives in her native South America?
yes culture is a big part of it, race not so much. All the friends and girlfriends are mixed race, that's not a problem. But the not working being pampered is. Her mom and dad move around between Spain and New York and South America, all the aunts and uncles and extended family are in South America, and living in USA is "only temporary because as soon as we can we will move back to live in South America."
She tried to get him (my son) to move to New York, he declined. She tried to get him to move to South America. So far he has declined. She's only in the states because of him, from what I can tell.
I wonder if your son is realizing that she just thinks of him as a "meal ticket" or "money tree" and that is why he is dragging his feet on getting married to her. After 10 years you think he would have either decided to get married or break it off.
That's a concern for me too but I can't state that to him, because it would be like also saying she doesn't love you she's just using you which thought it may be true, is to hurtful and mean to say. Let someone else tell him that, not his mom.
She is a very pampered (read: spoiled) only child and expects to be taken care of. Yes, my son is smart and well-off. He and his brothers live in a gorgeous home just purchased, with their own earnings. Now that you mention it just occurs to me that maybe that's why she's leaving the country too, to default on her loans. I do know that it is a really BAD idea to marry someone with debt because then her debt can ruin his credit.
The plane tickets to New York and South America probably get paid for by mom and dad
That's a concern for me too but I can't state that to him, because it would be like also saying she doesn't love you she's just using you which thought it may be true, is to hurtful and mean to say. Let someone else tell him that, not his mom.
She is a very pampered (read: spoiled) only child and expects to be taken care of. Yes, my son is smart and well-off. He and his brothers live in a gorgeous home just purchased, with their own earnings. Now that you mention it just occurs to me that maybe that's why she's leaving the country too, to default on her loans. I do know that it is a really BAD idea to marry someone with debt because then her debt can ruin his credit.
The plane tickets to New York and South America probably get paid for by mom and dad
At this point why don't you just put a gun to the girls head and threaten her away from your son...because you will never see anything positive about the relationship. Your son is a grown man....unless you raised a co-dependant wimp he will either come to the conclusion she's not worth it or he sees things in her that you never will.
Actually you of seem jealous more than anything. It's not about her....this is really about and i dont buy the silent mother bit. It's quite possible to say volumes without saying a word.
You need to either get over yourself and learn to like her...or just be honest with your son and say that you are going to continue being given passive aggressive and hateful to the girl. At least he'll know of where he stands.
She is a very pampered (read: spoiled) only child and expects to be taken care of. Yes, my son is smart and well-off. He and his brothers live in a gorgeous home just purchased, with their own earnings. Now that you mention it just occurs to me that maybe that's why she's leaving the country too, to default on her loans. I do know that it is a really BAD idea to marry someone with debt because then her debt can ruin his credit.
The plane tickets to New York and South America probably get paid for by mom and dad
I'll share a story with you. I had an aunt, by marriage, that was an only child. From things that she and others said it was pretty clear that she was spoiled rotten by her parents. From what my parents told me it was clear from the very beginning that she continued to expect to spoiled once she was married.
She never worked outside the home, which was not that unusual for her generation. What was unusual was that even after having children she still expected to be spoiled and pampered. It was really, really sad to see my cousins wearing threadbare old clothes while my aunt, who was a SAHM, was wearing brand new expensive clothes. I remember once when my cousin was wearing an old winter coat that was too small and nowhere near warm enough to high school and her parents could not afford to buy her a new coat because the dad "had to" buy his wife (my aunt, by marriage) a new warm, wool winter coat with a HUGE real fur collar because her coat was a year old. Sheesh!
My aunt acted like a spoiled only child until the day that she died at age 85. Heck, she was still the spoiled only child as she told her children that she expected that they buy her the most expensive casket that they could find (she buried her husband, a few years earlier, in the cheapest casket in the shop).
Sometimes, spoiled only children continue to want to be spoiled, even when they are adults with children & grandchildren.
Stop it with the only child bashing....this is not the cause of either this poor girlfriend's issues or the evil aunt's. Sure there are spoiled only kids...but there are plentry of spoiled favorite kids with siblings.
good news! homeowner (older brother) is giving her a date to move out, she won't be on the streets because her parents in South America are willing to pay for her apartment, and she is now working 1 hour a day at a paid job. best of all the younger brother is in agreement with the eviction.
thank you everyone for your very helpful input and support, i appreciate it
good news! homeowner (older brother) is giving her a date to move out, she won't be on the streets because her parents in South America are willing to pay for her apartment, and she is now working 1 hour a day at a paid job. best of all the younger brother is in agreement with the eviction.
thank you everyone for your very helpful input and support, i appreciate it
What I find interesting is you have this couple, nearly 30, who have been dating for 9 years. They just spent two months living together...and even that wasn't enough to motivate them to start building a life together. You'd think after two months under the same roof your son and his girlfriend would want to move out and get their own place together, start really building a shared life. Maybe get engaged, maybe she would get a job and contribute to a shared "moving to South America" fund, that sort of thing.
Since it doesn't look like that's the case, I wouldn't worry about whatever the dynamic is between them. They don't appear to be heading to the altar or maternity ward any time soon. Just be as understanding and kind as you can to her. She might be a bit of a spoiled brat, but keep in mind everyone is doing the best they can given who they are, how they were raised, etc. Your kindness will pay off in time.
What I find interesting is you have this couple, nearly 30, who have been dating for 9 years. They just spent two months living together...and even that wasn't enough to motivate them to start building a life together. You'd think after two months under the same roof your son and his girlfriend would want to move out and get their own place together, start really building a shared life.
Since it doesn't look like that's the case, I wouldn't worry about whatever the dynamic is between them. They don't appear to be heading to the altar or maternity ward any time soon.
yup, spot on
they are still just "dating" after 9 years without marrying or moving in together
so if it hasn't happened yet, maybe it ain't gonna happen
thanks for this
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