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I had people send me messages supporting my decision to keep the baby and claim adoption is bad.
Adoption isn't "bad". It's the foster care that causes stress for a child. Your situation would be different since (I am not 110% on this, but) your child would not meed to go through foster care if you give your child to adoption. The stress on your child would be minimal because your child is mostly likely too young to remember as an infant.
Also, if you are unable ot care for your child but still keep the child, you are risk having the CPS investigate, and possibly place the child into foster care anyways.
As for adoptive families, yes, there ARE those out there that do things just to make themselves look good, just for appearances. This includes adopting kids. It is unlikely that they will do any thing to harm the child.
You don't know the hard work involved raising a child. Nor do you know what your mental state will be after giving birth. For example, when I had my daughter, who was wanted and planned for, I had horrible post partum depression. That was something I didn't expect because I figured that if you wanted and planned for your baby, there would be no reason to get depressed. However, hormonal changes wreak havoc. For 3 weeks, I was in a fog and in a funk. I would cry at the drop of a hat. On top of that, since newborns don't sleep the night, I was sleep deprived.
Yet, I had something going for me that you won't have should you keep this baby---a husband. He made it possible for me to step away from the work force for almost 3 and half years so that I could take care of our child. When I was depressed, he was a big help with the baby.
Let me tell you---after my daughter was born, I couldn't imagine being a single mother and going through this.
You just don't know how you will feel after giving birth. Try taking care of a newborn alone while you have post partum depression and in your case, no support system.
Your baby will always come first. Money is tight?---the baby's needs always take priority. I'm sure that you don't really get that.
You say that you can't bring yourself to consider abortion. Then you must consider adoption. It would be the greatest, most loving, unselfish gift that you could give to your baby. These days, open adoptions are available. With an open adoption, the adoptive parents will keep you posted on how your child is doing. For example, a photo and an update on the child's b'day. Years ago, the way adoptions worked was like this --- a woman gave birth and just about immediately her baby was taken from her. She never knew who adopted her baby and never knew if her baby was doing well. It doesn't have to be that way these days.
You ask if you're going to be a good mother. My answer---not now, not in this situation. Give your child up for adoption, finish your education and get yourself better situated. Eventually, you may well meet a man whom you will want to marry---a man who wants a family. That will be when you can properly care for a baby and meet that baby's many needs.
I just want to say, there has already been good advice given which is being ignored, regarding the same situation in the previous topic. For those who have not read that, maybe you should.
Honestly, if this is for real, someone such as this should be focused upon self-improvement, gaining skills, moving away from a negative environment, getting emotional support, counseling, becoming an adult and getting ahead, which takes a lot in itself. One should at least begin developing as an adult, prior to giving birth (by a guy who didn't give a damn) and trying to raise a child for the wrong reasons. (All this, though would not be "strong enough physically to have an abortion"). Too many babies are born into inappropriate situations and look at what happens down the road.
I do not mean to be harsh, but so many have already shared such heartfelt advice or concern and it is going nowhere, since it appears "she" has made her decision and is not, at least, going to adopt it out. It makes me think of overhearing a child demanding "but I WANT it!"
Is it possible that your situation can improve in a few years? Sure, but it's highly unlikely, given the amount of resources you will need just to keep your head above water. Keeping you baby under these circumstances is an incredibly selfish choice, and in all likelihood you will simply be perpetuating the cycle of poverty and selfishness with another generation.
I'm almost 25. Very happily married to a hubby who's extremely baby crazy. We're college educated, healthy, and both have stable six figure jobs in STEM, zero debt, a nicely growing nest egg, and a strong support network (on his side of the family).
And you know what? I STILL don't feel like we're ready for a baby yet. We haven't bought our own house yet, or even figured out where we want to live long term, we still have exciting fun things to do and places to explore overseas in life (extremely difficult with kids), I still have personality flaws (we are both kind of messy, and I'm not the most patient person ever), and I'd prefer if we had at least $200K saved even after buying our house in full before having kids (in case one/both of us ever find ourselves between jobs, unexpected medical expenses, childcare, future tuition, etc).
So if I'm not comfortable having kids with my situation, I can't in good faith recommend it to you in your current situation.
I'm almost 25. Very happily married to a hubby who's extremely baby crazy. We're college educated, healthy, and both have stable six figure jobs in STEM, zero debt, a nicely growing nest egg, and a strong support network (on his side of the family).
And you know what? I STILL don't feel like we're ready for a baby yet. We haven't bought our own house yet, or even figured out where we want to live long term, we still have exciting fun things to do and places to explore overseas in life (extremely difficult with kids), I still have personality flaws (we are both kind of messy, and I'm not the most patient person ever), and I'd prefer if we had at least $200K saved even after buying our house in full before having kids (in case one/both of us ever find ourselves between jobs, unexpected medical expenses, childcare, future tuition, etc).
So if I'm not comfortable having kids with my situation, I can't in good faith recommend it to you in your current situation.
You appear to be very rational and you guys have it together, unlike many.. good for you. If more could only function like yourselves, there would exist fewer problems stemming from unexpected births leading to single parenting, forced relationships, divorce, child support, more kids in orphanages, kids in trouble, runaways, mental illness, struggles, overcrowded prisons, overpopulation. It's all too much, because many are still not careful or are otherwise pushed into sex, then are those insisting upon bringing another into the world.
Unfortunately, it seems the OP is not listening to reason, sadly, so it is just another instance...
I'm almost 25. Very happily married to a hubby who's extremely baby crazy. We're college educated, healthy, and both have stable six figure jobs in STEM, zero debt, a nicely growing nest egg, and a strong support network (on his side of the family).
And you know what? I STILL don't feel like we're ready for a baby yet. We haven't bought our own house yet, or even figured out where we want to live long term, we still have exciting fun things to do and places to explore overseas in life (extremely difficult with kids), I still have personality flaws (we are both kind of messy, and I'm not the most patient person ever), and I'd prefer if we had at least $200K saved even after buying our house in full before having kids (in case one/both of us ever find ourselves between jobs, unexpected medical expenses, childcare, future tuition, etc).
So if I'm not comfortable having kids with my situation, I can't in good faith recommend it to you in your current situation.
Seriously! I felt the same as you at 25 and my husband and I were in pretty much the same position, except that we didn't get married until I was 27 and he was 29. We're just now ready.
OP, you are insane to keep this child. I think it is incredibly selfish and you are setting this poor child up for a dysfunctional life. I know that isn't what you want to hear.
I'm almost 25. Very happily married to a hubby who's extremely baby crazy. We're college educated, healthy, and both have stable six figure jobs in STEM, zero debt, a nicely growing nest egg, and a strong support network (on his side of the family).
And you know what? I STILL don't feel like we're ready for a baby yet. We haven't bought our own house yet, or even figured out where we want to live long term, we still have exciting fun things to do and places to explore overseas in life (extremely difficult with kids), I still have personality flaws (we are both kind of messy, and I'm not the most patient person ever), and I'd prefer if we had at least $200K saved even after buying our house in full before having kids (in case one/both of us ever find ourselves between jobs, unexpected medical expenses, childcare, future tuition, etc).
So if I'm not comfortable having kids with my situation, I can't in good faith recommend it to you in your current situation.
In your case, you shouldn't have a baby because you are not ready. It has little to do with all the "obstacles" you are conjuring up. And what do you imagine would change in the bolded part in the future? That just sounds like your personality. As for the OP, she isn't ready because of all the financial and relationship hurdles in her life.
Charlygal, are you saying that people shouldn't put a child's needs first? Many of us have grown up in less than ideal homes, but so what? Why deliberately go into a situation in which child-rearing is more difficult? Children deserve the best start in life they can get, and the OP's situation certainly doesn't qualify as such.
What are the child's needs?
1. A parent? The OP is the parent.
2. A home. The OP didn't say she was living on the street.
3. Food & clothes. The OP is working and can buy food. She can get WIC if she needed a supplement for food. Baby/children clothes are cheap and can even be purchased at thrift stores.
4. Love. We can't assume that the OP won't love her child.
So what would the baby be lacking in the first few years of life?
1. A parent? The OP is the parent.
2. A home. The OP didn't say she was living on the street.
3. Food & clothes. The OP is working and can buy food. She can get WIC if she needed a supplement for food. Baby/children clothes are cheap and can even be purchased at thrift stores.
4. Love. We can't assume that the OP won't love her child.
So what would the baby be lacking in the first few years of life?
How about beyond the first few years? With no education, she'll be stuck at minimum wage. How will she pay for child care? How will she afford to move out of her parent's house and still be able to afford food and clothing?
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