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I hate to say this, but maybe it has come to the time for your friends to accept that they may be childless the rest of their lives. Maybe they should try other adoption agencies. Maybe it is time to "step back" and realize that if adopting a child happens it happens.
my sister is adopted and my parents had tried for about 5 years to adopt. I was 9 years old and my brother was 14 at the time. My parents were going to stop trying. One night we were packing up the motor home to go camping and the phone rang and I answered. It was the adoption agency and she said "Hey, are you ready to pick up your baby sister tomorrow?". Me, being a kid said "No, I'm going camping" lol. I gave the phone to my mom and instead of packing up the motor home, we went baby supply shopping and picked up my new 11 day old sister the next morning. She is now 25 years old and I can't imagine my life with out her So tell your friends to not give up. Sometimes it can take even longer than 6 years. It will happen if it's meant to be.
I hate to say this, but maybe it has come to the time for your friends to accept that they may be childless the rest of their lives. Maybe they should try other adoption agencies. Maybe it is time to "step back" and realize that if adopting a child happens it happens.
Thats pretty cold...the desire to have a child is epic and when facing infertility and scams, it is heart breaking. Its an indescribable feeling to want children and not be able to have them. Something you can't know unless you went through it.
Thanks for all your posts. So many questions. Let's see if I can answer some of the questions, while keeping my friend's privacy intact.
Yes they are eligible, they have six years of approved home-studies, background checks, etc. Can you adopt without home-studies, background checks?
They have experienced numerous failed adoptions where a woman pretends to be pregnant or uses them to pay for her pregnancy.
I know they have tried foster care, international, and domestic adoption. It does not surprise me that foster care adoption does not work. We have numerous news stories on TV detailing the problems of our local foster care agency. There is also this news story that parllels their experience with international adoption in so many ways. Foreign Adoptions by Americans Drop to Lowest Level Since 1982 - WSJ I'm not sure what to think about domestic adoption. It would seem to me that their agencies should assist them more in weeding out difficult adoptions. I know they retained an attorney to inqurie why their agency has not been successful in finding them a successful adoption situation.
For those with successful adoptions out of foster care, how did that happen? I've attended meeting with our friends at our local foster care agency. They were very clear they were only interested in reunification. They have had zero non-relative adoptions in our area.
My SIL and BIL signed up...got approved. They were wiling yo do short term placements at first....they had one or two older girls for a time...but social services knew they wanted a baby to eventually adopt. My nephew was born to a very young mother who was in a group maternity home sort of thing but ran away at least twice. He came to the family at 4 months of age...it took about a year to make it all final. He is biracial....but they wanted a child to raise...not a skin color.
The other two friends just got their toddlers initially thinking that they would be reunited with their birth families... when that doesn't work out they were offered to adopt and they jumped at the chance.
It really does sound like your friends want a perfect n ew born placed in their hands....and it's seldom that easy.
My close friend (a single woman I might add) adopted through foster care. When meeting the foster agency, she explained that her ultimate goal was adoption and she wanted to foster a child whose parents had already had parental rights terminated so she would not be broken-hearted by a parent reneging on the adoption. She met a couple of times with the little 5 year-old girl whom she and the agency felt would be a good fit. After two meetings she agreed to foster with full intent to adopt if all went well. It did and 16 years later she is the happy parent of a college student who coincidentally looks almost like her much younger "twin".
Have they looked at agencies in other states? Arizona has a horrible problem with homeless/unwanted children. I have an acquaintance that adopted two babies in less than a year here!
I know Utah has some fairly a-parent friendly rules. And they tend to place late in pregnancy through the agencies. African American new born infants are actually in need of families.
Thanks for all your posts. So many questions. Let's see if I can answer some of the questions, while keeping my friend's privacy intact.
Yes they are eligible, they have six years of approved home-studies, background checks, etc. Can you adopt without home-studies, background checks?
They have experienced numerous failed adoptions where a woman pretends to be pregnant or uses them to pay for her pregnancy.
I know they have tried foster care, international, and domestic adoption. It does not surprise me that foster care adoption does not work. We have numerous news stories on TV detailing the problems of our local foster care agency. There is also this news story that parllels their experience with international adoption in so many ways. Foreign Adoptions by Americans Drop to Lowest Level Since 1982 - WSJ I'm not sure what to think about domestic adoption. It would seem to me that their agencies should assist them more in weeding out difficult adoptions. I know they retained an attorney to inqurie why their agency has not been successful in finding them a successful adoption situation.
For those with successful adoptions out of foster care, how did that happen? I've attended meeting with our friends at our local foster care agency. They were very clear they were only interested in reunification. They have had zero non-relative adoptions in our area.
This makes me suspect that they were going it alone instead of going through a reputable agency. Why on earth would they fall for that multiple times?
I have not adopted myself, but I have friends who have. It seems like there are always Chinese girls in need of adoption, and there are always kids in need of foster care. Foster care may not always lead to a permanent placement, but it could. I don't know where your friends are, but maybe they need to look at foster care with a different county, if there are issues with yours. From what I've seen on news stories here, it takes very little to become a foster parent, especially if they are willing to take a non-infant.
This makes me suspect that they were going it alone instead of going through a reputable agency. Why on earth would they fall for that multiple times?
I have not adopted myself, but I have friends who have. It seems like there are always Chinese girls in need of adoption, and there are always kids in need of foster care. Foster care may not always lead to a permanent placement, but it could. I don't know where your friends are, but maybe they need to look at foster care with a different county, if there are issues with yours. From what I've seen on news stories here, it takes very little to become a foster parent, especially if they are willing to take a non-infant.
Or using a budget lawyer. Sounds like a good agency would increase their odds. And maybe open up what they are willing to accept.
Our friends has learned that their five years of IF treatments and six years of adoption attempts have failed to provide any children.
Other than more IF treatments and starting over with yet another adoption agency is there any more options for a childless couple to bring children into their lives? They looked at surrogacy, but the costs were astronomical.
Are there any options?
I am so sorry for your friends.
We were able to have one child biologically - on a month that I was not using infertility drugs. We adopted our second child and the adoption was easy and seamless.
What went wrong with the adoptions?
With foster parenting, the goal is always "reunification with the parents". Something that more often than not seems to be in the best interest of no one - except the birth mother. I would not recommend
fostering after what your friends have been through.
There are a number of somewhat inexpensive roads to adoption that your friends may not have explored. If you would like more information, feel free to send me a direct message.
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So tell your friends to not give up. Sometimes it can take even longer than 6 years. It will happen if it's meant to be.
