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I'm sorry that your son had such a terrible experience. Honestly, I think the schools "solution" to bullying are typical and worthless. They tend to blame the victim and not place the responsibility where it belongs - on this girl, a known bully who is "popular". Um...sure she is popular - everyone is afraid of her!
Bullies are sadists. Your son has the right to attend school without living in fear. He should not have to figure out strategies to deflect this girls bullying.
I don't think that "ignoring" works. When bullies are ignored, they simply step up the behavior until they get a rise. That could be dangerous.
I am a fan of removing the bully from the class room and having her learn, and eat lunch by herself.
When she can control her sadist impulses, she could re-enter the class room, however if she begins that behavior again, she should be removed.
This sends the message that 1. Bullies are the odd people - it is they who are removed and punished for their behavior. 2. Bullying is not cool, it is not a means to popularity, it is unacceptable behavior.
I'd speak to the school. Your son sounds like an awesome young man with courage in his convictions.
If the school will not help you, I would seek legal advice.
Best of luck,
True. Unfortunately society protects the bully, not a victim
I disagree that bullying would not be "cool or popular" today , it is also accepted. In USA bullying is a public "fun".
Just look at usa news how they are laughing for people in these short clips in the end
Also many news seem to add bullying also when they are discussing of some subject.
Just look at the sports and people are shooted by cameras and bullied in public
Just look at youtube-rally with bullying material, people are chasing others to bully them in youtube
Forums, full of bullying, public commenting, facebook etc. All the places are full of this crap
Just look at the usa court system which added this bully system in. It is not acceptable from court!!!
Just look around, this is one smelly bully world
Was there just police officers which bullied a band "made a joke" of a band?
Everything seems to basic on bullying and if someone is able to change it gets my full admiration.
Shaming and bullying is not way to go and build a good world!
What is societys exaple to our kids here? It is: Keep bullying!
I don't agree with physical retaliation when it comes to bullies (unless it's a case of immediate self defense). I don't really know what to do. I would say if it gets really out of hand, change schools or home school. Generally I would think bullying is an epidemic in certain schools, not an isolated thing.
Yes, yes. The typical educrat government response: Please don't ask me to do anything. I don't get paid for customer service.
In this case, that mentality shows through in the "wisdom" that your son needs to learn to "ignore bullies".
That way the school doesn't have to do anything but ignore the problem. Otherwise, they have to deal with the bully. They have to deal with the bully's recalcitrant parents. No good. Especially when race or ethnicity might become an issue. Your son just needs to suffer in silence while the school wrings it's hands over the huge PR problem they're facing about dealing with school violence. Of course, they only get concerned about violence when the VICTIM decides he's had enough.
The problem here is that the SCHOOL IS IGNORING BULLIES. Not that your son needs to ignore bullies. It's not your son's job to help the school sweep this under the rug because they don't want to deal with it. If they can suspend a straight A student for accidentally bringing a tylenol to class, then they can deal with violent kids too.
Ignoring a bully is the way to teach the bully that they need to keep trying to get attention and that there are no consequences.
Kicked him in the stomach? I admire you for not calling the police.
I've had it with people laying hands on other people and just getting away with it. It's why they keep doing it.
NO, DO NOT IGNORE THE BULLY! TAKE ACTION! Ignoring doesn't work because the behavior will continue. Your son's self-esteem and mental health is in jeopardy.
I graduated from high school in 2012 and I'd like to share my personal opinion on bullying in schools: Teachers, administrators, and guidance counselors are incapable of doing anything to protect your child from a bully. I've had students say things out loud and a teacher never even flinched. I've had things thrown at me. I experienced a lot of sexual harassment. When I did the right thing and told my teacher and guidance counselor I was told to stand up for myself and "Boys will be boys".
The result of not handling the bullies: Battled depression and anxiety (2 suicide attempts included) from age 15 to 20 yrs. old.
If anyone here is reading this and is a parent of a bullying victim, I suggest the following:
1. Create a paper trail where you document all conversations with the school staff/faculty.
2. Send an e-mail to the guidance counselor, administrator, and teacher stating something to the effect of, "If my child harms himself/herself, I will hold the family of [insert bully name here] and [insert school name here] liable for any damages (counseling, hospital expenses, funeral, etc.)."
3. Send your child to school with an audio recording device. Many states have a one-party wiretapping law; therefore, you're allowed to record someone without their permission. See information about wiretapping laws
4. File a lawsuit against the bully, the bully's parents, the school district, and the principal
I think you need to be commended for you informed first hand experience. I'm so sorry that you had to endure such abuse at the hands of those bullying you and also the lack of supposedly professional people in our school systems that should be vigilant in protecting the victims.
Not everyone is genetically born to overcome abuse by ignoring the bullies. When the parents of the bully fail to recognize or admit their precious kid is wrong and the teachers and those in authority also choose to ignore the victim, they're not only adding to the emotional damage to the victim, but they're giving permission to those bullies to continue their disgusting behavior and some of them end up in the workplace bullying adults.
The teen years are rough enough without having to deal with any type of abuse.
Your suggestions are great and I did tape a recorder into my son's lunch bag when he was in grade school.
Parents of the victims might also want to look into the rights of children regarding a safe environment for education. The kid may be able to contact an attorney at no charge.
It's a shame, but when it comes to money, that's what'll get the adults to wake up.
Your post is great and hopefully someone will take your words to heart. My heart aches for you for what you were put through. No one deserves to be bullied.
I wish you much healing and even though this is only my reply, I thank you for educating any parents of kids that are bullied for the steps they need to take to wake people up about this disgusting problem that seems to be getting worse in life.
Your son absolutely did the right thing by standing up for himself and stating the obvious. I taught for 32 years and have to say that standing up to bullies is the right way to deal with them. If you ignore a bully he/she just escalates. I'm sorry your son had to endure this, but you raised a great kid with lots of self-control. Most people would hit back if someone kicked them in the stomach, so your son's reaction is admirable. I'm also sorry the teacher and school didn't help your son, that's horrible.
It makes me angry and I'm sorry you went through it. I don't know how your son didn't keep from clobbering her. Might have been worth it. Someone will eventually.
What's behind this is politics I'm afraid. There's something that makes the bureaucrats nervous or worried or non-caring about dealing with this bullying problem. I wonder what it is. Because I sure don't see this sort of attitude mirrored everywhere else in society. Look at cops for instance. The government certainly doesn't tell them to just ignore stuff. They can shoot you in the back if you're running away with no weapon after shoplifting a sweater. And 6 cops can show up to hogtie Freddie Gray and kill him at a moments notice.... but then when rioters destroy private property and threaten bystanders and throw burning garbage cans at cop cars, a whole army of Baltimore cops just.... stands there passively.
It's almost as if they're creating a new reality where the lives and property of citizens are of no concern to them - even though that's what their whole purpose is. The only time they care is when citizens don't obey THEM. Then all bets are off and violence is totally cool. But it would never be cool for you to do the same thing to protect your kid.
These people want to regulate every aspect of your life. Yet they can't do one thing to stop a 12 year old from kicking your kid in the stomach. They're helpless. Their hands are tied. And they advise you to just "take it".
Sorry the teacher and the school are wrong! The girl should be suspended for touching another child unprovoked, several times. Kicking him in the stomach? I personally would have gone nuts. Think of it was a boy doing the same thing.
It's very hard these days with all the crazy 'rules' they put around what is allowed and isn't. We tried to work with the school when my son was bullied at that age. One day he came home and collapsed in my arms and asked what was wrong with him.
My husband and I went down to the school, talked to the principal and teacher and told them it would stop now. They had been talking to the boys, nothing more. It took my husband becoming very stern with the principal for her to really take action.
I could go on and on as this subject is too close to home. So glad your son stands up for himself and does it well!
My child was bullied by another child. It was more of a social bullying, where she to,d other girls they were forbidden to be my daughters friends. It was often and systematic.
So I had a HUGE slumber party with every other girl invited. They all came and had a fabulous time. I hyped it up big time and spent a fortune on it. I also started volunteering at the school more, and I met with both teachers. I never used the word bullying. That can put some educators on edge. (I'm a teacher too, and you wouldn't believe how overused the word is. Some parents think cutting in line one time is bullying.)
After that, the girl backed off a bit. Then I asked that they not be put in the same class for the next year.
I would make sure they aren't in the same class next year.
That's ridiculous that your child got into trouble. This girl sounds like a real piece of work. Sorry it's happening. I know how powerless you feel to stop it. It just breaks your heart.
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