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The sad fact is....predators are wolves in sheeps clothing. They are in every aspect of our society and culture.
The people we are taught to trust as children, often times take advantage of the adult authority figure position...using it and its access to molest children. Don't even ask me how I know this.
So, I'd like some feedback on my situation. I don't even know how to begin so I'll just jump right into the facts.
Of course I had spoken with the boy's mother and she seemed fine. However, lately the boy's 20-something year old cousin (who seems to be always visiting) has been helping out by standing outside while the kids play across the street.
The first time I talked with this guy I had some warning bells. We engaged in a lengthy conversation during which he asked my girls' ages and then brought up the subject of puberty, remarking that my eldest daughter would soon enter it, etc, etc. This is exactly a conversation many moms have initiated with me lately, especially ones with girls the same age as my eldest daughter, but for this young guy with no children of his own to speak to me on this subject seemed highly inappropriate to me. There was just something about his demeanor, something slight that I thought maybe I was reading into too much, but it was like he seemed to enjoy the topic, like he relished it. It gave me a bad feeling, but I didn't want to overreact since he is so young (he could be even as young as 19, I'm not sure), he is obviously uneducated, and I thought perhaps extremely socially awkward. He made these comments in front of the other adults in his family and no one seemed alarmed or uncomfortable. In the end I told myself that he was just an uncouth country bumpkin that meant no harm/ didn't know how to relate to me and so said something stupid.
A few days passed and then my youngest came home for dinner all excited to talk about how this cousin was so nice and played barbies with her. This was also alarming because I thought he was only supervising, not engaging in games. I asked what game they played with the barbies and she said "hospital". I questioned her about the details of the game and it seemed harmless enough, but again the topic seemed inappropriate.
Then a couple of days ago, my husband was walking my youngest daughter across the street so that she could join my eldest daughter who was already playing in the neighbor's side yard. But when he got over there he found my eldest daughter sitting on this cousin's leg with the little boy no where in sight. My husband told her she had to come home and they all left and came back. When I asked my daughter how she came to be sitting on this guy's leg she told my that the little boy had gone inside to use the bathroom and when he had left the cousin told her, "why don't you come over here and sit on my lap while your friend is gone." A 20 year old asked an 11 year old to do this once they were alone. I asked for further details about what else went on and it seems that nothing else happened, no other touching except that prior she had been running around and she said he kept grabbing her and tickling her as she ran by.
Of course, my kids cannot go over to play anymore and I've had a talk with them about inappropriate behavior/ touching and explained what they are to do in various situations.
But I still feel awful. I feel like my suspicions have been confirmed enough to satisfy me completely, but nothing illegal happened, nothing sexual, so there is nothing to report to the police. At the same time I'm afraid that this person is probably a bad person and I feel like we may have narrowly escaped something awful by my husband showing up just in time... but then again, all this is really just a hunch supported by some questionable behavior. Asking my daughter to sit on his lap crossed a line, but I don't know what to do now. I don't know how to interact with this family. I feel like there might be lurking danger across the street but I don't know for sure or how dangerous the situation really is. I don't think he'd come over here into my yard or anything, but what can I do to protect my kids? Should I do something more?
I am going to remind the OP, and everyone else within the view of my keystrokes, to FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCTS. They exist for a reason: to protect yourself and those that you love. The bad "gut feeling" you had about this neighbor may not be something you can logically explain, however, it is rooted in your knowledge of human behavior. Everyone is an amateur psychologist. At your initial meeting, you listened to what he said. You watched his body language, and his behavior toward you, and you concluded that the guy is no good, because he isn't. Please read The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker. It's all about survival instincts that protect us from danger, and it's an important book for everyone to read, especially women. Women have been conditioned to ignore their instincts because they are afraid of being rude. Screw ettiquette. Protect your kids and yourself.
I am going to remind the OP, and everyone else within the view of my keystrokes, to FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCTS. They exist for a reason: to protect yourself and those that you love. The bad "gut feeling" you had about this neighbor may not be something you can logically explain, however, it is rooted in your knowledge of human behavior. Everyone is an amateur psychologist. At your initial meeting, you listened to what he said. You watched his body language, and his behavior toward you, and you concluded that the guy is no good, because he isn't. Please read The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker. It's all about survival instincts that protect us from danger, and it's an important book for everyone to read, especially women. Women have been conditioned to ignore their instincts because they are afraid of being rude. Screw ettiquette. Protect your kids and yourself.
A Pedophile near me a few blocks over knew every law in the book so no man would touch him as he would call cops as tons of laws on the books. One day he approached a child of the neighbor whose husband was like only five foot ten inch around 50 years old. He is for lack of a better word likes "big boned" women, his wife around 45 years old and I would say six foot one inch around around 250 pounds with a Irish temper ran over and gave the 55 year old Pedophile a beat down right on his front lawn.
When he says I will call the cops. She was like go ahead, I will say you tried to rape me you spend a few days in jail and when the other inmates find out you are a convicted pedophile who just got beat up by a women in on rape charges I doubt you will survive the weekend.
I would definitely talk to the parents in that house before you let your daughters play with the little boy again. The 20 year old seems super predatory, and could be abusing/grooming the little boy. The little boy could potentially continue the abuse unnkowingly with your girls. Thank God your husband found them.
If the little boy asks your daughters to play, you can simply say that they can't go over to his house, but he's welcome at your house. Kids don't really question that kind of thing. Make sure your daughters know they can't go over there any more. They don't need more of an explanation than "Dad and I just like it better when you play here.".
I disagree with this advice. The 11 -year old is, unfortunately, old enough to speak to about this. Maybe not in detail, but she needs to be told how she should expect to be treated, and what the boundaries are.
My point was that as much as I wanted to be in that pool being an adult among many children made me worry that someone would call "creep."
Got it. Kind of sad you would feel that way. Remember one key item-you were in full view in public. ot much chance of you doing something "off" in that environoment.
Got it. Kind of sad you would feel that way. Remember one key item-you were in full view in public. ot much chance of you doing something "off" in that environoment.
I'm going back in a few minutes. But I kind of felt the way I would if I hung out on the swings in a playground. Even if I did not go near anyone I still feel, in the current atmosphere that it's a bit off.
Updated: Not nearly as creepy a feeling today. More children were with their parents.
1) Do not let your daughters play over at neighbors house (from your description of events it sounds like potential predator like grooming)
2) Do tell your daughters about physical boundaries (types of touch) and what is inappropriate as well as 'games' they may be enticed to play.
3) Only let the boy come over to your house
4) You may want to also see what the 11yo boy may disclose about the 20 year old cousin and 'his visiting' as it may not be as filtered. Things like, "I notice your cousin Johnny over often, he must live close by - does he?"
5) Watch the neighbor boy for any untoward behaviors. As a few others mentioned, if the 20 yr old cousin is a predator there's a chance he could be doing or 'showing' things to his 11 year old cousin that are not age appropriate.
6) If you see 20 year old cousin you may want to have a reason with which to go over like dropping off some thing (a dessert treat / borrowed garden tool: I'm sure you can think up a myriad of reasons) and engage in direct conversation and ask a few questions: if he's going to school, interests, if he likes internet / gaming ask him what type of things he 'likes' etc...
7) Indirect: Once you have his full name, run it in any database / search engine for sexual predators - or even one of the many internet search type apps
8) When possible keep attentive to when he's over the neighbor's house to look for any other patterns.
It is so important parents help children in formative years delineate as best as possible things they may not fully understand (types of touch/private areas off limit) or things that are not appropriate (for your parental standards). I recall my parents in my formative years stressing, if any adult or other child asks you to do something you don't feel comfortable with, you do not have to do it and we (as parents) will always support you. When kids know that, it gives them a freedom to not have to be part of a crowd nor feel they are always obligated to listen to adults asking them things they shouldn't or just people inserting themselves into situations with children they shouldn't.
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