Childs sleeping arrangements at his Moms. (custody, divorced, parents, wife)
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I have shared custody of my 9 year old son. I have him half the time. I have had an ongoing issue with his Mom and his sleeping arrangements.
Apparently his 4 year old half sister is scared to sleep alone so for the last two years she slept with my son. I had it understood he had his own room, but was only made aware of this recently. I have brought it up to his his Mom and stated I felt it was inappropriate and could stunt his natural growth and independence.
More recently I found out that my son was sleeping on an airbed (with his sister) because her fiance's parents were in town for what appears to be a period of 2 months. So he was removed from his room and was asked to sleep on the floor of his moms room. Since i voiced my concern, he and his sister are now sleeping with their Mom and the fiancee sleeps on the floor.
I expressed my concern with both items above and stated that if they temporarily had no room, he has his room at my house and he actually prefers to stay with me. Her response is where he sleeps at her house is none of my business.
I disagree but wanted to get some outside opinions.
Once he hits puberty he would have kicked her out of his bed anyways. At 8 and 9 my kids (boy/girl) choose to share a room and sometimes sleep together in the same bed. Nothing is stunted. Neither have started puberty yet so its all very innocent and comfy.
I agree with your wife...as long as it isn't abusive, the sleeping arrangements are her business. Ideally you would be on the same page co-parenting. But...sounds like not.
I'd just say that puberty starts earlier and earlier these days...and why is it your son's "job" to keep his sister from being scared. If it's that big of an issue every night then I'd wonder what the deal is. Is Mom using this as an excuse because there's not enough space for them to have separate rooms? - because it won't be but a couple more years (if not sooner) before they'll HAVE to have separate rooms.
I'm seeing nothing wrong here. People in general do better when they sleep next to another person. It fosters security and acceptance and bonding. If the daughter is THAT scared, then your son is doing a wonderful thing by sleeping next to her. I am not seeing a problem with the air mattress either. It was just for a couple months (just a month if you take away the time he is with you) and it's not like he was on the floor. A good quality air mattress can be as comfy as a regular mattress. I think everything is fine. No need to worry .
I think it's fine. My 10-year old girl sometimes sleeps in my 4-year old boy's room. He thinks he's having a "slumber party" like she goes to, with her school friends. It's cute, it fosters a closer sibling bond. No big deal, IMO. If your son was unwilling to do it, that would be one thing, but it seems like he was okay with it. Maybe he enjoys the protector role, as I suspect my daughter does. Maybe he likes the company, a lot of kids enjoy sharing a room.
I don't see a problem with an air mattress either. My own kids have no issue with sleeping on the floor on a regular basis (in sleeping bags, for their slumber parties).
I don't have a problem with pre-pubesent boys and girls sharing a room. At some point that needs to stop unless there is financially an issue and the family can't afford better accommodations. Even then, two twin beds would be the best choice.
I've slept on a couple of air mattresses. I found them uncomfortable even in camping. No way would I want to be stuck in that arrangement for two months. I think it is ok if the fiance is sleeping on it and the kids get the bed. Two months of sharing a room with the kids would be pushing it for me. Maybe the mom and fiance need to sleep in the living room on the air mattress and let the grandparents have their bed so the kids can go back to some normalcy. Two months is a major interruption particularly during a school year. The housing accommodations obviously aren't set up for that many people.
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