Your 14yr old child is touching their younger sibling inappropriately... (attorney, teenage)
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It was news to me but I heard about the whole Duggar family crisis over the weekend and has got me thinking a lot about parenting and what the 'right thing to do' is. Apparently, the Duggar parents are getting absolutely crucified by the media/public for their handling of the transgressions of their 14 yr old son when he was caught touching younger girls (including his sisters) inappropriately.
I don't want to get into what the parents did (or didn't do) but how would you guys handle it if you caught your 14 yr old touching child their younger sibling in an inappropriate/sexual way? This is of course hypothetical and I don't think the sexes of the kids would matter.
Do you contact the authorities immediately? Handle it privately at home and make sure it doesn't happen again? Send them (both victim and perp) off for counseling? Do you move one child out of the house so they live separately?
Attorney
CPS (obligated to report it to the authorities)
Therapy
And I must lol at touch "inappropriately." The word you're looking for is molest, because that's what it was. Now, in Duggar culture, it would be a mere "oops" if he were to fondle, make out, etc., with a peer, so long as the fondling is consensual. That's a "teenage mistake." Molesting your younger sisters and another young girl, the youngest of which was 4 at the time, and while they were sleeping, was a deliberate, willful, act, an act he did over a period of time.
Inappropriate... no, let's save that term for getting caught kissing your mate behind the football bleachers or your parents catching you making out in your room.
ETA: I would remove my child, suspected perpetrator, from my home. See here:
Don't forget, he did it when he was 14-15, that we know of. And to 5 children as young as 4.
So under these circumstances:
I would first consult a therapist (knowing they are a mandatory reporter) and a lawyer for my son. Not to get him off the hook but to get him help, hopefully. I'd research treatment facilities and ask that my son was sent there. Id have him immediately sent to a relatives home with no children until he could be transfered into care.
I would get my children who were touched into therapy for children who were sexually abused.
If it was a 14 year old and his 13 year old sister (I'd die inside still) but I would also consult a therapist to see if this is predatory behavior, or what else is going on.
No matter what I would fight hard for mental health care for all children involved...and myself. Cause I would die a little inside.
I know a family that had a problem like that, but one that went further than the Duggars situation and with a greater difference of age between the rapist and victim (he was 18 and she was 10, I think) They never reported the boy or got his victim any help. The last I heard, she was running away from home every few months and now she's pregnant at 15. Her younger sister was molested by a cousin and they reported the cousin to the police, which caused a huge uproar in their family because they hadn't reported their own son.
I quit socializing with them...didn't want my kids around any of them and it was always so shocking to hear what was happening in their lives.
I know a family that had a problem like that, but one that went further than the Duggars situation and with a greater difference of age between the rapist and victim (he was 18 and she was 10, I think) They never reported the boy or got his victim any help. The last I heard, she was running away from home every few months and now she's pregnant at 15. Her younger sister was molested by a cousin and they reported the cousin to the police, which caused a huge uproar in their family because they hadn't reported their own son.
I quit socializing with them...didn't want my kids around any of them and it was always so shocking to hear what was happening in their lives.
I know many people whose family it seemed to permeate. It almost because expected generation after generation. Not that the people don't get upset, but they dont *do anything* about it except tell them to stop it.
Interesting responses so far. Just curious... Why do you guys feel like a lawyer is one of the first people your need to speak to about this? These are your children, not anybody else's.
I don't have kids, but I feel like you have to protect the victim in the situation. If you came across your older child trying to stab the younger child, you would protect the younger child, right? But then what would you do?
I think the only option is to turn to professionals. Therapists for both and a lawyer who can guide you all through the process. You've got to address it aggressively - could you live with yourself if your older child assaulted the younger one again or assaulted another child? Your kid is responsible for his actions, but you are responsible for the developing person whom you have raised.
Interesting responses so far. Just curious... Why do you guys feel like a lawyer is one of the first people your need to speak to about this? These are your children, not anybody else's.
I think a lawyer is important because *my first priority is caring for the victim, and I would want my older child to have someone looking out for them too. Juvy won't fix it. I would want my children to both heal. So I would want the first step a REPUTABLE treatment center. But knowing we would have to go through the courts, they would need a good lawyer to make that happen.
I hope I wouldn't be opposed totally to some form of non-treatment punishment. Like some time in Juvy. But overall, I would hope treatment would be the best step.
At 15, if I had young kids at home, I am not sure I would ever let the older child home. It depends on the circumstances. I think bringing them home sends a message loud and clear to the victim. So that would be another consideration.
Let's all really hope we don't face these decisions.
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