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I am confused with people saying a lawyer. I would definitely seek out counseling for both. What is going to the Authorities going to do to fix the problem? I get you rocknyc
The whole subject makes me sick. Besides the entire sickness of it all...who wants to see their sibling naked?
I had a conversation with a woman once that confided in me that her brother, when he was 14 molested her. She was 12. Who does that? What is twisted in their minds? Who wants to touch their sister? What happened to them to make them do that?
Is it even possible to fix a twisted mind like that? I am not sure all the counseling in the world can rewire such a twisted mind.
I would be screaming for help for a mental health expert.
The therapists would have to report it to the police and cps.
Do you guys who have replied so far have children of your own? Only reason I ask is some of you sound oddly detached from your kids. Your replies almost sound like you are a daycare provider and not a parent. Hope none of you take offense to my observation. I'm a parent to 3 young children (all under 10 yrs old) and i honestly don't know what I'd do in that situation. To be honest, I'd probably try to deal with it privately and at most go see a counselor. I don't think I'd be able to go to the authorities.
First decent answer I read up to this point.
So may people sound like degenerated, robotized, zealous "child rearing" agents with a mandate - not like parents with a grain of humanity in them.
If only I could be bothered a bit less by this type of "New Parent" - all would be good.
First decent answer I read up to this point.
So may people sound like degenerated, robotized, zealous "child rearing" agents with a mandate - not like parents with a grain of humanity in them.
If only I could be bothered a bit less by this type of "New Parent" - all would be good.
So you'd just cover for your kid no matter who got hurt, even if it was your other children?
It was news to me but I heard about the whole Duggar family crisis over the weekend and has got me thinking a lot about parenting and what the 'right thing to do' is. Apparently, the Duggar parents are getting absolutely crucified by the media/public for their handling of the transgressions of their 14 yr old son when he was caught touching younger girls (including his sisters) inappropriately.
I don't want to get into what the parents did (or didn't do) but how would you guys handle it if you caught your 14 yr old touching child their younger sibling in an inappropriate/sexual way? This is of course hypothetical and I don't think the sexes of the kids would matter.
Do you contact the authorities immediately? Handle it privately at home and make sure it doesn't happen again? Send them (both victim and perp) off for counseling? Do you move one child out of the house so they live separately?
I would get counseling for the children involved immediately, but separately. The 14yo needs to know it is inappropriate and won't be tolerated (they should already know this, so more intensive therapy for them to see if there is a mental illness issue), and therapy for the victim(s) as well.
I would absolutely separate the kids, possibly send the victims to a grandparent to live during their therapy, or if that wouldn't be possible, I'd have to make sure all the kids are monitored very closely. If the behavior continues, then out the 14yo goes, to inpatient therapy or whatever the therapist suggests.
These responses are cruel. I'm surprised how many adults/parents? would just take their 14 year old and immediately write them off, boot them off to therapy or a psychiatric ward, or even report them to the police!!!
I guess I have the unpopular opinion, but I think these types of things can and should be handled by the parent's guidance and support, for both the victim and the "offender". I also don't think these types of incidents are as heinous or predatory as people are making them out to be. (They could be, see next paragraph, but let me finish this thought first) Kids at that age (10-15) are going through puberty and experiencing crazy emotions and feelings. Both boys and girls are crazy curious about the opposite sex and exploring their own sexuality. They will do dumb things, they will do stupid things, they will do inappropriate things. Heck, even young kids (10 and under) are curious about the opposite sex and will hear lots of stories from parents about little kids showing or touching their private parts to one another, including siblings! And this whole, "it's your sister/brother thing, how can you do such a disgusting thing". To kids it's just another girl or boy, and in the case of siblings, someone they are surrounded by and usually on good terms with. A boob is a boob! Genitals are genitals! Sometimes it can even just be siblings fooling around and be a mutual curiosity. Like I said, kids are pretty dumb, I don't think most kids get a good head on their shoulders till 16-18, and unfortunately some take till their mid 20s to grow up. (Think of all the terrible and stupid **** college kids do....) The important thing here as a parent is correcting these actions as they occur, supporting the parties involved, and ensuring that it does not occur again. That is your job as a parents. Kids just don't know better, and they aren't infallible. It's the parent's jobs to teach right from wrong, and parents aren't perfect either. Your kids might screw up, so when they do it's your job as a parents to correct the wrongs and make sure they don't happen again.
Now, don't get me wrong, there are some barriers to set and some red flags with these types of incidents. Is this a repeat thing that has occurred multiple times after you already spoke to them about it or caught them before. Yes, seek therapy. Is there a huge age difference? (I would say more than 5 or 6 years at that age). Seek therapy. Was the contact FORCED physically and/or obviously against the victim's will. Seek therapy. Is the offender older, let's say past 16 years old which is when most children begin to become more mature and should definitely know by know this is not appropriate? Seek therapy. But a kid that is 10,12,14? I don't think it's as unnatural and heinous as people say. Kids are curious, (the curiosity is instinctual), but most of all kids are dumb and will make mistakes. Support them, reprimand them, and let them know it's not right. If the behavior stops, you've done your job as a parent well! If it doesn't, then other options like therapy or more severe action is necessary.
Last edited by the_grimace; 05-27-2015 at 09:44 AM..
Reason: Grammar
Do you guys who have replied so far have children of your own? Only reason I ask is some of you sound oddly detached from your kids. Your replies almost sound like you are a daycare provider and not a parent. Hope none of you take offense to my observation. I'm a parent to 3 young children (all under 10 yrs old) and i honestly don't know what I'd do in that situation. To be honest, I'd probably try to deal with it privately and at most go see a counselor. I don't think I'd be able to go to the authorities.
I am a parent and a grandparent. Of course it would be difficult to see your children do bad things, but just because their your kids, it shouldn't change the consequences for their actions. I was a terrible kid and stole stuff, my parents turned me in to the police. I never did it again; it worked.
Also, I was molested at age 13 by my uncle, and my parents knew about it and didn't do anything. All they did is call him up and he said he didn't remember doing it because he was drunk. My dad didn't want to make waves for the family. So maybe my response would be over the top because of my background. But no matter what, the victims must be safe, even if that means the perp has to go. It might sound terrible, but my child or not, it won't be tolerated. Just like if one of my children were to murder someone; they would be dead to me.
Do you guys who have replied so far have children of your own? Only reason I ask is some of you sound oddly detached from your kids. Your replies almost sound like you are a daycare provider and not a parent. Hope none of you take offense to my observation. I'm a parent to 3 young children (all under 10 yrs old) and i honestly don't know what I'd do in that situation. To be honest, I'd probably try to deal with it privately and at most go see a counselor. I don't think I'd be able to go to the authorities.
I agree with your assessment. I said it in my own post above too, but the majority of replies here sound like people that are most definitely (and oddly) detached from their children. Still surprised at how so many would be so quick to write them off, disown them, remove them from the house, boot them off some psychiatric ward or what not. Certain cases require that, but a first time occurrence?? That's harsh.
I agree with your assessment. I said it in my own post above too, but the majority of replies here sound like people that are most definitely (and oddly) detached from their children. Still surprised at how so many would be so quick to write them off, disown them, remove them from the house, boot them off some psychiatric ward or what not. Certain cases require that, but a first time occurrence?? That's harsh.
Well you said an uncle, whom I assume was an adult? The thread is talking about kids touching kids... Quite different than an adult touching a kid.
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