Your 14yr old child is touching their younger sibling inappropriately... (single mom, wife)
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Well Im sure when it comes to my child (even if i think its awful) I might cover him for most crimes even to sending him way to the Caribbean. BUT, when it comes to molestation and rapist he would have to go to jail. Im sorry you can't fix that. Those people are very sick individuals. I would never want him around other people. Of course no one want to do that to their child but you cant out council the urges to sexual assault a child. People like that are disgusting and should never see the light of day.
I don't think I would "call the police" on my child, exactly. I mean, maybe if it was something really awful (rape, etc...not that molestation isn't awful, but you know...). But I would expect CPS and likely the police would get involved by involving the proper mental health professionals... and that is why I would hire a lawyer to represent my offending child. Again, not to get them off the hook, but to hopefully get them the help they need.
What an awful thought...the whole thing.
What I would NOT do is sweep it under the carpet, keep it secret, blame the victim, etc.
I clearly wasn't responding to the OP. I quoted the post I was commenting on. You weren't even the person I was commenting on!
You don't want to call the police on your own children, that's fine, but keep them far away from my. I would in fact call the police on my own children. My mother always had a rule: the police pick you up, you are safer there than at home. Even to this day I wouldn't call my mother if I was ever arrested. If I was arrested, it meant I did something illegal and should suffer the consequences of my actions and my age has nothing to do with it.
And yes, those who abuse children stop when you tell them to.
This right here is what I keep thinking (I know you are being sarcastic) but I can't get past this. I am leaning towards I would find both of them help but you would need to put the victim first and get the offender treated and if that meant "turning them in" then perhaps that's what's best. No amount of my telling the offender who happens to be my child not to do it is going to make it stop. It doesn't mean I don't love them if I turn them in. I'm turning them in because I love them and want to get them help and receive the proper help instead of hiding it and sweeping it under the rug.
Not contacting the authorities does not equate to accepting the behavior. If you catch your child with drugs, are you going to turn them into the police? If not, does that mean you are accepting of their choice to do drugs?
No, but using drugs hurts only the one doing it. Your child would not be forcing someone else to use. There is a victim in a sexual abuse case that must see that his/her abuser is being held accountable. And yes, some posters did mention the possibility that the 14 year old had been abused. That would be something for the therapist to determine, and then that abuse would need to be dealt with as well.
It was news to me but I heard about the whole Duggar family crisis over the weekend and has got me thinking a lot about parenting and what the 'right thing to do' is. Apparently, the Duggar parents are getting absolutely crucified by the media/public for their handling of the transgressions of their 14 yr old son when he was caught touching younger girls (including his sisters) inappropriately.
I don't want to get into what the parents did (or didn't do) but how would you guys handle it if you caught your 14 yr old touching child their younger sibling in an inappropriate/sexual way? This is of course hypothetical and I don't think the sexes of the kids would matter.
Do you contact the authorities immediately? Handle it privately at home and make sure it doesn't happen again? Send them (both victim and perp) off for counseling? Do you move one child out of the house so they live separately?
This wouldn't happen because I wouldn't molest my own children.
The kid learned it from somewhere and it was almost certainly the parents. Of course you're going to have no idea how to handle something like this, because most normal people don't molest their damn kids.
People like this simply can't be rehabilitated, because it's a "normal" thing in their lives. Counseling will never be enough, and when he has his own children in the future, he will pass this on to them (the girls will too, for that matter), and so on. It's incredibly depressing to think about.
If you want to talk purely hypothetically? I'd call the authorities and have the kid shipped away, not that it would benefit the other kids. The damage is done.
This thread is scary. I can't believe so many people think a 14 year old molestng a 4 year old could possibly fall into the realm of normal "sexual curiosity" and can be solved with a stern talking to. What???!!!!
Hell yes I love my kids. Yes I'd want to protect both the victim and the offender. But you know what? I CAN'T FIX THAT. Way above my pay grade. The only way to protect my older child would be to get him/her to a proper counselor, pronto. Go stay with someone else and see a counselor, and yes talk to a lawyer because I know the authorities will be called and I want to see what I can do to help my oldest through that process. I want that kid healed and healthy if possible and I have no training on how to do that. And you know what? I'm NOT going to chance creating someone who goes on to molest 30 more kids because I was too selfish or to egotistical to get him or her proper help. If nothing else you have to see where the behavior came from because they were probably molested themselves. It goes without saying the younger child would see a therapist as well.
Now catching teen siblings making out is a whole other thing and can possibly be chalked up to some kind of sexual curiosity and hormones, as is kids playing a mutual game of doctor or that kind of thing. Those situations I can see being handled in house (though I would still be trying to figure out if anyone had been molested). But a scenario like what the OP posted? To me there is no grey area there. Nope. No way you can decide that kind of thing on your own.
This thread is scary. I can't believe so many people think a 14 year old molestng a 4 year old could possibly fall into the realm of normal "sexual curiosity" and can be solved with a stern talking to. What???!!!!
Hell yes I love my kids. Yes I'd want to protect both the victim and the offender. But you know what? I CAN'T FIX THAT. Way above my pay grade. The only way to protect my older child would be to get him/her to a proper counselor, pronto. Go stay with someone else and see a counselor, and yes talk to a lawyer because I know the authorities will be called and I want to see what I can do to help my oldest through that process. I want that kid healed and healthy if possible and I have no training on how to do that. And you know what? I'm NOT going to chance creating someone who goes on to molest 30 more kids because I was too selfish or to egotistical to get him or her proper help. If nothing else you have to see where the behavior came from because they were probably molested themselves. It goes without saying the younger child would see a therapist as well.
Now catching teen siblings making out is a whole other thing and can possibly be chalked up to some kind of sexual curiosity and hormones, as is kids playing a mutual game of doctor or that kind of thing. Those situations I can see being handled in house (though I would still be trying to figure out if anyone had been molested). But a scenario like what the OP posted? To me there is no grey area there. Nope. No way you can decide that kind of thing on your own.
OP never specifically said a 14 year old molesting a 4 year old. Too many people have the Duggars situation apparently filling up most of their brain. This discussion is NOT about the Duggars. Also, as far as I have seen, NO ONE is defending a 14 year old molesting or touching a 4 year old.
OP never specifically said a 14 year old molesting a 4 year old. Too many people have the Duggars situation apparently filling up most of their brain. This discussion is NOT about the Duggars. Also, as far as I have seen, NO ONE is defending a 14 year old molesting or touching a 4 year old.
The OP said 14 year old touching a younger sibling, used the Duggars as the template situation. Said he didn't want to talk about them specifically but asked what would you do if you were in thier situation. Thier situation was a 14 year old groping and penetrating with fingers preteen siblings. It was not consensual play. 4 victims were asleep and one was cornered in a laundry (?) room and tried to fight him off. No matter what this is not the kind of thing where you can just "decide" the 14 year old is not a molester and talk to them sternly. That's crazy talk. It just is. This is not a normal curious 14 year old's thing to do. That kid needs to be seen by a professional so they can figure out what is going on and get them the right type of help. Someone needs to evaluate the child and determine if they are a danger to other children. End story.
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