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I think it could be fixed by not going the CS route and handling things "in-house." I know this is asking a lot but agree on expenses for the non-custodial parent. Perhaps school clothes, field trips and half of the child's spending money or something along those lines.
You can't just decide to do that, at least not in my state. I told my lawyer I didn't want to bother with child support because I knew my husband wouldn't pay anyway. He said, "It's not up to you. It's state law, it's about the child, not about you or your husband."
Basically, unless you have more wealth and special things that people want their children to have, it's really quite simple:
The state has a number that they've determined is the basic cost of raising a child. The parents each have their incomes. When you combined those incomes, each parent has a percentage of income. That percentage then gets applied to the child support amount.
Therefore, in easy numbers, if the state number is $1000 a month for the cost of child care, and the custodial parent makes $60K a year and the non-custodial parent makes $40K a year, the non-custodial parent will pay $400 a month and the custodial parent is responsible for the other $600.
Some people don't get along as married spouses but do better as divorced co-parents. I think more divorced couples could do better for their children if they put their kids' well being first ahead of their own egos (something I freely admit I'd struggle with in that situation).
That was my ex and me. Once the divorce was past and he did what he had to do as far as an alcohol program so he could get overnight visitation, we settled into the routine of being co-parents. I'll never forget one of the first times he came to our daughter's softball game. He had a new job and he was telling me a funny story about something that happened at work, and I was laughing so hard, and a woman I knew nudged me and said, "Your daughter just got a single and is on first base." (She wasn't a great athlete so this was a good thing.) We felt bad that we'd missed it, and she was looking at us, so we yelled her name and cheered, but she knew we hadn't seen her get her hit.
So later in the car on the way home, I said, "Wow, that was great that you got that hit, blah blah blah" and she said, "I know you didn't see it. I saw you and Daddy laughing and not paying attention. But that's OK, Mommy. You and Daddy made a bad couple but you make good friends, and I'm glad you're not like Samantha's parents. When her dad comes to pick her up, her mother can't be in the same room." It's almost 15 years later and I'm still gratified by that conversation.
When she got older we would sit together at her chorus and band concerts, and we'd do what we could to embarrass her by loudly yelling "Hey, look, there's <NAME>!" when they came in. Her friends would laugh and say to her, "But I thought your parents were divorced?"
In some states you can have 50/50 but one parent has to be the primary. Even if both parents work and make the same amount of money, the primary gets child support (based on a standard formula). The odds of getting to be the primary as a father when both spouses work is nil.
In California, couples can agree to no child support if they work arrangements out between them and there's no dispute.
That was my ex and me. Once the divorce was past and he did what he had to do as far as an alcohol program so he could get overnight visitation, we settled into the routine of being co-parents. I'll never forget one of the first times he came to our daughter's softball game. He had a new job and he was telling me a funny story about something that happened at work, and I was laughing so hard, and a woman I knew nudged me and said, "Your daughter just got a single and is on first base." (She wasn't a great athlete so this was a good thing.) We felt bad that we'd missed it, and she was looking at us, so we yelled her name and cheered, but she knew we hadn't seen her get her hit.
So later in the car on the way home, I said, "Wow, that was great that you got that hit, blah blah blah" and she said, "I know you didn't see it. I saw you and Daddy laughing and not paying attention. But that's OK, Mommy. You and Daddy made a bad couple but you make good friends, and I'm glad you're not like Samantha's parents. When her dad comes to pick her up, her mother can't be in the same room." It's almost 15 years later and I'm still gratified by that conversation.
When she got older we would sit together at her chorus and band concerts, and we'd do what we could to embarrass her by loudly yelling "Hey, look, there's <NAME>!" when they came in. Her friends would laugh and say to her, "But I thought your parents were divorced?"
What an amazing story! Your daughter is a lucky girl.
Of the people I know who split custody 50/50, no one pays anyone.
The ones who do pay child support are the ones who only have limited visitation, say every other weekend, etc. In that situation, they aren't paying for two households, they are paying the primary custodial parent to help with the costs of raising the child, such as helping with day care, food, and yes, increased housing since kids require an extra bedroom, etc.
In all situations I know of where one parent is non-custodial, it was of his or her choice. The non-custodial parent didn't seek a 50/50 split because they didn't want the burden of having to get a kid to school every day, or they didn't want to have to live close enough to the ex to make that work.
Also, in all situations I know of, both parents work. So to say that child support is "maintaining two households" isn't really the situation. The custodial parent is working and paying his/her own bills. Child support payments largely help cover day care.
That is, when they pay it.
This didn't really answer her question.
Take yourself out of the people that you know for a moment and answer the question.
No matter how you dress it up, the non-custodial parent is still on the hook financially for two households. The custodial parent working doesn't matter - they are responsible for only that one household. The non-custodial parent is responsible for both their own household and a portion of the custodial parent's.
Take yourself out of the people that you know for a moment and answer the question.
No matter how you dress it up, the non-custodial parent is still on the hook financially for two households. The custodial parent working doesn't matter - they are responsible for only that one household. The non-custodial parent is responsible for both their own household and a portion of the custodial parent's.
Take yourself out of the people that you know for a moment and answer the question.
No matter how you dress it up, the non-custodial parent is still on the hook financially for two households. The custodial parent working doesn't matter - they are responsible for only that one household. The non-custodial parent is responsible for both their own household and a portion of the custodial parent's.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BostonMike7
Which can financially strain an NCP.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mochamajesty
Exactly.
Which is why I support vouchers or cards to be used only for certain items like the WIC program uses.
The custodial parent's household is larger, though. Higher rent, higher utilities, more food. Having a kid live with you is not free.
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What an amazing story! Your daughter is a lucky girl.
