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No, but as I said the original poster who made the statement, I'm saying how do you know what she is spending on what? Do you live there? Do you check her bank statements? Are you having the kids spy on her and report back her activities?
I'm just saying, appearances are not always what they seem.
It matters because it is happening to my husband's children.
Men have a story, too. They deserve to be heard just as much as women in your situation.
I never stated that they didn't. But I am addressing the larger issue, which is men not doing their part. Your situation is the exception, not the rule.
How about the number of men who are never held accountable at all? The Ones who never do a thing besides knock the little tramps up.. Is that Harsh? Not IMHO.. and Tramp is nicer than what I am thinking.. Young girl gets knocked up by some guy / low life street dog with no job or a minimum wage job and she just heads off for the welfare office because she has no shame about what she's done .. Tramp is being nice..
Quote:
Originally Posted by ncole1
What is going on here? Is it that they can't afford it (in which case the system needs to be changed), or do this many people really not want to take responsibility? If the latter, I am shocked by the moral decline in our society.
What is going on here? Is it that they can't afford it (in which case the system needs to be changed), or do this many people really not want to take responsibility? If the latter, I am shocked by the moral decline in our society.
I've hesitated in posting on this topic, as I don't want to get arguments going, but personally I think it should be done away with altogether. I think it's something the money-grubbing government dreamed up, with no concern for the consequences. And consequences are getting worse by the day.
One example: while it's nothing new, one person has finally spoken out- urging the governor of her state to "terminate the parental rights of rapists." Please excuse the vocabulary, but anyone who 'contributes swimmers' regardless of circumstances can be forced to pay "support" and can claim "rights"- rapists, child abusers/molesters, wife-beaters, etc. And that in my opinion is one definition of "moral decline." There is absolutely no standard of fitness- all it comes down to is biology and money.
Second example: individuals claiming parental rights even if they're incarcerated for serious offenses can have children made to visit them in prison.
Third, an increase in Parental Alienation- "non-custodial parents" figuring if they're made to pay support, they should have custody, even if it means destroying a child's relationship with the other parent.
Fourth, another backlash that's getting louder and louder: guys who do not want to be stuck paying support for 18 years trying to push for the legal right to force girls/women to have abortions.
And children who are divvied-up between parents as if they're nothing more than material possessions.
While all of this is worse, it wasn't so good in the past, either. Many years ago, I had a friend who worked at a welfare department- known as Social Services- and both mothers and fathers were being played for fools.
First, mothers were told if they had "good cause" for keeping "absent fathers" out of the picture, they could state this, provide proof, etc. They had false security of believing the fathers wouldn't be contacted- not knowing the welfare department went behind their backs and made the guys pay support anyway. And "non-custodial fathers" were led to believe "child support" was exactly what the words implied, whereas mothers did not receive the money to put toward their children's expenses, it was kept by the welfare department as some kind of repayment.
Also, I do not believe there would be so many "single parents" (male or female) if it were not for this ongoing, growing emphasis on child support.
The system sucks and the laws need to be changed. The system is perfect for greedy woman to take advantage of it. If most men took advantage of the system like woman due, woman would cry foul.
There was even a special on TV about a ex-wife paying her ex-husband child support and how he doesn't work and was some BS feel bad story for the wife. LOL
Location: Scott County, Tennessee/by way of Detroit
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Back in the day,my husband paid his ex $900 a month, after the boy decided he wanted to live with her after he lived with us till he was 14 and didn't like our rules and he was making our lives a living hell because of it....next thing you know the ex and both his kids get arrested for running a marijuana house...and the cops confiscated all the money she had in her closet...we knew NOTHING of this since he never wanted to visit...so my husband had to pay for juvie too...the ex was a beast...it was a nightmare....then she lost custody and he came back to us...another nightmare....glad it is over and he is 25 and he avoids us...and he lives with Ma Barker again...
My ex never paid left town when my son was 5 and was $40,000 in back support till they caught up with him...AFTER my son was like 16...then he quit paying for a time...and lo and behold, even after all these years he calls me out of the blue last fall to ask me to call off the dogs aka the State of Michigan because they started taking money again out for child support and sending it to my bank account...my son is now 32...I raised him as a single mom and never remarried till he was in grad school...as far as I am concerned he still owes me...So no way Jose...
I'm not in a position to pay child support since my wife doesn't have custody. However many of my friends are in situations with their exes and here is what I gather. Most fathers with any integrity have no issue buying clothing, food, school supplies, even toys for their kids...the issue is when that money you're giving isn't (or isn't just) paying for that and instead being used to spend so the mother can get their nails done, buy nice clothes, pay their car note (and don't say "they need a car to get the kid around" because most of the dads I know would gladly tote their kid from place to place in lieu of that) or even pay for their ex to go out to bars, hang out with other men etc.
The alternative should be that their is some sort of "shopping list" of the kids needs that would be purchase with child support, instead of just forking over cash. I have heard too many story's of my friend getting their son for a week and theyre wearing dirty shoes, old clothes, haven't had a hair cut in 12 weeks etc. and it's like "where did the 40% of my income that I give your mama go if not to getting you new shoes and a hair cut? Ohh she just got a new car and is in Miami with her new boyfriend, that's where it went"
This is coming from a divorced father with full custody who gladly bought my ex wife a place and hands my lawyer a check for her every month just to keep her out of our lives.
No, but as I said the original poster who made the statement, I'm saying how do you know what she is spending on what? Do you live there? Do you check her bank statements? Are you having the kids spy on her and report back her activities?
I'm just saying, appearances are not always what they seem.
I agree. Appearances are not always what they seem and that goes both ways.
Easy thing to do? Keep records of child support payments and what you've spent that money on.
I never stated that they didn't. But I am addressing the larger issue, which is men not doing their part. Your situation is the exception, not the rule.
Some men don't do their part because they are not allowed to have a relationship with their children yet are expected to pay for them. Not a popular opinion, but its not fair.
I'm not in a position to pay child support since my wife doesn't have custody. However many of my friends are in situations with their exes and here is what I gather. Most fathers with any integrity have no issue buying clothing, food, school supplies, even toys for their kids...the issue is when that money you're giving isn't (or isn't just) paying for that and instead being used to spend so the mother can get their nails done, buy nice clothes, pay their car note (and don't say "they need a car to get the kid around" because most of the dads I know would gladly tote their kid from place to place in lieu of that) or even pay for their ex to go out to bars, hang out with other men etc.
The alternative should be that their is some sort of "shopping list" of the kids needs that would be purchase with child support, instead of just forking over cash. I have heard too many story's of my friend getting their son for a week and theyre wearing dirty shoes, old clothes, haven't had a hair cut in 12 weeks etc. and it's like "where did the 40% of my income that I give your mama go if not to getting you new shoes and a hair cut? Ohh she just got a new car and is in Miami with her new boyfriend, that's where it went"
This is coming from a divorced father with full custody who gladly bought my ex wife a place and hands my lawyer a check for her every month just to keep her out of our lives.
I agree with everything you wrote except the car loan. If you have two parents living in two different places with two different schedules it is unreasonable to expect either parent to (a) go without a car or (b) one to be completely responsible for toting the kids around all the time.
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