Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have been reading a lot of threads in which many parents are perturbed about how "entitled" some parents of children with special needs act. (For example, there has been a thread about a mother who practically demanded a hot meal on an airplane trip for her autistic teenager who might have had a breakdown without it; and there is another thread about whether a mother should have removed with a toddler with brain cancer who, due to his condition, was noisy in a theater.)
At what point or in which cases do you think that the wants and needs of a "special needs" child should outweigh the wants and needs of the majority?
Last edited by katharsis; 05-31-2015 at 11:04 AM..
Hmmm.... I don't have any experience with special needs children, or people for that matter, so I don't know what's it's like, but I imagine it's a very difficult road they must follow.
I think there are two problems with this, 1)The parent's world revolves around their special needs kid, so they feel the rest of the world should too (not in an entitlement way, but because that is the world they've become accustomed to) and 2) Society has become full of self-involved, impatient people.
As a parent, you need to be prepared for whatever may come up with your child while out in public. That is why you pack a diaper bag, bring snacks, drinks, extra clothes, money or whatever else you may possibly need. If your child has extra needs, YOU must pack extra things and not be reliant on the outside world to provide those things. I'm the case of the "hot meal" mom, she could've brought something that could have been easily heated, purchased something hot right before boarding, or fed the kid at home before leaving and booked a flight between meals. I would never expect a public bathroom to have diapers and wipes available for me, yiy shouldn't expect an airplane to provide a specific meal.
On the other hand, the public needs to be more patient and accomadating (when possible) with people and children in general, especially because some disorders may not be physically apparent. No one offers a helping hand to strangers anymore, everyone wants their experience to be perfect and undisturbed, and troubled people to just "go away" which is completely unrealistic.
A happy medium would be for parents of special needs kids to be as prepared as possible, not EXPECT help from others, but society needs to lighten up, reach out when someone needs help (because even with the greatest efforts, **** happens and there is nothing you can do about it) and show people more patience and empathy.
Disclaimer: I don't have children. I have worked with disabled adults.
What matters to me is whether the parent (of a normal or special needs child) has a reasonable alternative that puts more of the circumstances under their control, and also how much they try to alleviate the issue themselves before asking others around them to be accomodating.
For example, I have more patience with a crying baby or disabled child (or even adult) being disruptive on a plane, as parents have much less control over that situation. They can't leave the plane like they can a restaurant or movie to spare others the disruption. They may not be allowed to bring in special food or drinks that would sooth the child. They may not have the ability to do normal soothing things (walking the child, playing with them, giving them a bulky toy they love, putting them down for a nap, etc.) because the situation is so restricted. So as long as they seem to be doing what they can, given the limitations, I get it. I may not like it, but I understand.
When the circumstances are under their control, I have much less patience with it. There's no reason a child has to go to the theater instead of watching a movie at home. The parents don't have to bring their child to a restaurant when a toddler is clearly too tired or upset to be there (and if it happens mid-trip, they have the option of leaving). If their child has a meltdown in a store, most of the time the parent can either take them out to the car until they calm down, or very quickly finish up their trip, skipping anything non-essential for another time.
If they are asking for accommodation based on the specific special needs of the child, that's reasonable. If they are asking for accommodation in EVERYTHING, then it is not. I have a friend with a special needs child and she, unfortunately, expects her child to be allowed any and all latitude in regards to behavior. I was at her home recently and her child kept grabbing at my purse wanting to go through it. I took it away and she said "Would you please let him have it. He'll pitch a fit you don't". I was out the door a couple seconds later. Going through personal possessions is not a need for this child, but a convenience for his parent. While I sympathize with his issues (and how they impact my friend), I'm not willing to go along with all his demands.
I think they cross the line when they go where they cannot control the situation. For many that would be a theater, restaurant, or an airplane. I have been in that situation, with adults, and there are some places you just don't go. There are some places you only go at certain times of day. For example if the person has a problem with waiting, if you have to make an appointment you ask when is the next available day that you can be first. Not when you think it is convenient for you. If you are out and hungry there are fast food drive through windows, your diet preferences don't enter into it.
As a person goes through life they find that certain parts of your life are over. Some people have problems accepting that. That is where I see most people with their entitlement feelings. You will hear that others go out to eat, why can't we? When actually ALL others don't get to go out to eat or wherever they feel they should be able to go. There are things I can't do and places I can no longer go. I don't demand accommodation, I just don't go to those places or do those things. If you demand accommodation that is entitlement.
I think they cross the line when they go where they cannot control the situation. For many that would be a theater, restaurant, or an airplane.
What if they cannot control whether they enter that situation? There are lots of options for eating and watching a movie. With those I understand your position. And the drive vs. fly debate would lean heavily toward "drive" with plenty of rest stops, even if it extends the vacation by a day or two.
But what if, say, the special needs kid needs to see a special doctor on the other side of the country? Or a family reunion, or a once-in-a-lifetime vacation? Flying is pretty much the only option. In a pre-9/11 world there were more freedoms, but not now. Parents can't bring the child's favorite drink through security. They can't walk around and are crammed into tiny little seats. During certain phases of the flight no electronics may be used. Movie only has 15 more minutes left, it's the kid's favorite part, but the "no electronics" announcement just happened? Get ready for screaming.
Also, special needs usually means special prices. The hot meal kid's parents should have done a better job planning, but sometimes things happen. If hot meals were available, the airline should have been willing to accommodate the special needs, even if there was a charge for doing so.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
