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There's nothing wrong with the word 'hot', I think some people are just being a bit old-fashioned here, certainly teens at 14 are using the word 'hot' to describe members of the opposite sex, they did when I was that age and they still do now. Its nice that the son is open with his dad, and there's nothing wrong with noticing an attractive person and commentating on it (when they can't hear - cat-calling is different issue and not acceptable. I hope OP makes sure his son knows that)
My son is about the same age. I think that is fine to talk like that but you would be doing him a favor to emphasize that there is a brain behind those female bodies and his success (or lack thereof) is going to depend on how well he can relate to a woman as a person and not a body. Most teenage girls are more mature than boys and that age and most teenage boys are completely clueless about talking to girls.
Was in the car with my son (will be 14 next week) and my sister was in the backseat with her infant.
We were at a stoplight in Midtown Atlanta and there was a attractive girl probably 20 something crossing the street and my son smacks my arm to get my attention and says something like "oh my god check her out she is so hot" or something like that and I said "yeah she is".
After I dropped him off my sister yelled at me for about 20 minutes about how innappropriate that was and how that's a bad lesson to teach him. My reply is, what lesson? That he thought a girl walking was cute? What am i supposed to say instead? Cover his eyes whenever an attractive lady enters his line of site? It's not like anything dirty was said, all he said is that she was hot.
He is a good kid very well behaved and it's just me and him since my divorce, he's in Christian school even but he is a funny kid and "precocious" I guess would be the correct term and always says funny stuff like that. I don't treat him like a friend instead of a son but he is my buddy and he is at that age where he is girl crazy. I didn't even realize what he said (or what I said) was a big deal or inappropriate until my sister yelled at me about it.
Curious as to the opinion of other parents on this
No particular opinion about your son, but your sister is a bully. Women don't have the right to dictate what men talk about or what they look at. You might mention to your son that his aunt ripped you a new one for the comment, and he needs to keep it buttoned when she is around. Treat it like a father-son bonding experience.
We were at a stoplight in Midtown Atlanta and there was a attractive girl probably 20 something crossing the street and my son smacks my arm to get my attention and says something like "oh my god check her out she is so hot" or something like that and I said "yeah she is".
As in "oh my god check her out she is so hot ...I'd like to do her"? and you agreed?
Which isn't quite that same as agreeing with him that some girl is cute.
My brother was all buddy buddy with his son and encouraged him with similar comments and conversations about girls and sex, he became a grandpa at the ripe old age of 33. I wasn't surprised in the least.
To me the concern is you are treating him like a friend, not your child.
A good parent can be both. My two Sons were always my best friends. We did everything together, boated, fished, built cars, etc, but they also knew I was the authority figure and still "Dad". My ex wife used to call us "Her 3 Sons." We are still that close today, and either see each other or speak to each other every day. But they always knew the difference and never took advantage of my being their buddy.
Raising good kids isn't rocket science, you just have to be consistent, loving, strong, and firm in your position on things. Some people make it so hard, but it can be the best part of your life, if you do it the right way.
You did nothing wrong, and don't make the mistake of overthinking this. Remember, you are trying to raise a man here, not an Alan Alda. Although you now have a chance to get a good inside joke going with your son. Have the "don't objectify women" talk with your son if you'd like and from that point forward whenever either of you sees a hot chick out and about you can say "hey check out the brains on that one!". How could your sister possibly object to that?
It wouldn't bother me; he noticed a good looking woman (as normal, healthy, heterosexual men do) and made a non threatening observation. Nothing to get all up in arms about when it's just some guy talk.
Thanks to all the constructive opinions y'all! The fact that this post got threadjacked by feminists for a few posts complaining about the word hot (we didn't know this girl and couldn't even see her face. She was just a bleach blonde girl jogging - apparently without a bra - in a white tee shirt and shorty shorts by Peachtree and 14th there was no way we could've have known if she was smart or judge her on anything besides looks) since the word hot to mean sexy has been around since before I was born and even my dad who is 62 uses the word to describe the "hot lookin' Yankee bartender" at the bar he spends half his life in.
What I am getting is that it's not what he said, it's the fact that he said it in front of a lady (his auntie) who is older than him. Gonna have to teach him to be a bit more gentlemanly.
As for the person who said I treat him like a friend, I treat him like both and I think that's why he is such a good kid and does listen without question on the rare occasion I have to be a strict daddy. I like that he enjoys spending time with me and I think that he is well behaved well behaved compared to his peers because I don't treat him like a baby, I treat him like a little man. I have only been officially single, and divorced for 92 days but essentially me and him have been on our own and I've been a "single dad" since he was about 9 so we gave a system that works. I never been the type to shelter him in the sense of plugging his ears when someone curses in a song, or cover his eyes if there is a flash of boobs in the movie we are watching. He does have a pervy sense of humor which I find funny (ex. was casually dating this girl and he met her twice when she came by the house and he would mess around with me referring to her - in private - as "junk in the trunk" and he texted me once when we were on a date and said "How's it going? Has she let you ride in the Caboose yet?" Which was enough to make me bust out laughing that a kid in Junior High to think that stuff up LOL) so he is just a smart kid who is a little/a lot crazy about girls and had a funny sense of a humor.
I am. Good to talk to him about being the gentlemanly and "time & place". Thanks again!
Uh, I was thinking you said he was 20, not 13. Yeah, I think your son's interest in the opposite sex is definitely framed with objectification and disrespect. Its great that he has a sense of humor but referencing anal sex when you are on a casual date indicates his interests are a bit beyond his years. Your sex life is none of his business, and jokes like that, while not uncommon with middle school boys, will only get worse if you don't teach him otherwise. How would your date feel if he said that in front of her? If you can't say something to someones face, it may not be advisable to say it behind her back. Never a bad rule of thumb to consider. Does your son actually communicate with girls in real life? You might want to consider his future path to success with women starts right now, and he is already someone I would not want my daughters to date.
My ex husband just got remarried to a woman with a 13 year old son. He is thrilled to finally have a son and loves that smart/funny kid to pieces. They've found a friend/father balance that works for all. if stepson made a joke like that my ex would flatten him (figuratively, not literally).
As in "oh my god check her out she is so hot ...I'd like to do her"? and you agreed?
Which isn't quite that same as agreeing with him that some girl is cute.
My brother was all buddy buddy with his son and encouraged him with similar comments and conversations about girls and sex, he became a grandpa at the ripe old age of 33. I wasn't surprised in the least.
You are really over reacting to the scenario. What the OP describes is pretty innocent and light hearted. My daughter and I, on occasion, will make similar comments. She'll say to me later, "Oh mom, he was sooooo cute!" We'll have a nice laugh. Don't worry, she doesn't want to "do" the boy in question. It is light hearted banter. Sounds like the OP and his son are having the same.
I don't think its necessarily wrong OP. I'm a woman and I notice attractive men on the street. I'm admiring their looks and nothing else. Am I objectifying them? I don't think so. I agree about not whistling at women or men on the street. However a comment between friends or between friendly sorts is nothing to get worked up about IMO.
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- in a white tee shirt and shorty shorts by Peachtree and 14th there was no way we could've have known if she was smart or judge her on anything besides looks) since the word hot to mean sexy has been around since before I was born and even my dad who is 62 uses the word to describe the "hot lookin' Yankee bartender" at the bar he spends half his life in.
