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Was in the car with my son (will be 14 next week) and my sister was in the backseat with her infant.
We were at a stoplight in Midtown Atlanta and there was a attractive girl probably 20 something crossing the street and my son smacks my arm to get my attention and says something like "oh my god check her out she is so hot" or something like that and I said "yeah she is".
After I dropped him off my sister yelled at me for about 20 minutes about how innappropriate that was and how that's a bad lesson to teach him. My reply is, what lesson? That he thought a girl walking was cute? What am i supposed to say instead? Cover his eyes whenever an attractive lady enters his line of site? It's not like anything dirty was said, all he said is that she was hot.
He is a good kid very well behaved and it's just me and him since my divorce, he's in Christian school even but he is a funny kid and "precocious" I guess would be the correct term and always says funny stuff like that. I don't treat him like a friend instead of a son but he is my buddy and he is at that age where he is girl crazy. I didn't even realize what he said (or what I said) was a big deal or inappropriate until my sister yelled at me about it.
Curious as to the opinion of other parents on this
Well, I can see how she would disapprove of the objectification of women. Next time she is in the car with you and your son, make sure to respectfully point out the super smart girls walking down the street and high five your son over it.
Honestly, your best parenting option at this point is to ask your son what he thinks and have a respectful conversation about your sisters point of view. Why did she wait for him to get out of the car?
Like many things, it's a fine line. While it is perfectly okay for a boy to find girls attractive, I think you need to make sure he understands that women are more than just their bodies and that they deserve the same respect and treatment as their male counterparts. He needs to know that when he is looking for a partner, her mind, talents, beliefs, morals, likes and dislikes are more important than how she looks.
Maybe he seemed a little too excited to see a pretty girl and the "gawking" is what your sister deemed inappropriate and disrespectful.
What exactly was your sister saying for 20 minutes?
Yeah, I'd have put her out on the sidewalk after 5 minutes. My kid, I'm the parent. OP, I don't think what you did was wrong. Just don't encourage him to whistle at them
I think it would be abnormal for a teenage boy NOT to notice an attractive female. Still, a dad agreeing like that is slightly weird. Do you think of 20 year olds as kids or dating material? At 40, I'd say she's too young for me but she's very good looking (avoiding the word hot). Either way I think your sister overreacted.
Hm that's interesting. I never interpreted that as "objectifying" I always objectifying was treated a woman like a piece of meat for your personal needs..not just checking a girl out on the street. He didn't know this lady and it would be creepy if he did because she was much older than him so all he saw was "her body" not her mind. He is a bit young to be looking for a partner of any type and I of course will emphasize to him how to treat a lady/be a gentleman but this was just some random person in shortie shorts crossing Peachtree Street. She waited till he was out of the car because we were dropping him off at a party for his friends birthday and I assuming she didn't want to upset him beforehand. She said nothing about "objectification" (I don't think she knows that word tbh) but because she was angry that I let him talk "so sexually" and thought it was wrong for me allow him to call a girl hot.
I think it would be abnormal for a teenage boy NOT to notice an attractive female. Still, a dad agreeing like that is slightly weird. Do you think of 20 year olds as kids or dating material? At 40, I'd say she's too young for me but she's very good looking (avoiding the word hot). Either way I think your sister overreacted.
I'm 35. At 20 I was already engaged to his mother: I don't know the exact age of the girl walking obviously but she looked mid-20s and since I am now single for the last (best) 3 months that age could be dating matierial I guess. Is it really that wierd? He is my son and respects me but we live together just me and him and he is very mature and I talk to him using words that I would use to talk to a buddy so I guess saying she is hot didn't seen like a big deal.
My sister is actually my half sister and she was raised by her mother in rural NW GA while I grew up in Buckhead in Atlanta so she has a more traditional outlook. I appreciate that sometimes definitely but she can be Victorian towards some moral issues.
I would count yourself lucky that your son feels comfortable enough to share his thoughts with you. The last thing you want to do at this age is shut that down.
I would count yourself lucky that your son feels comfortable enough to share his thoughts with you. The last thing you want to do at this age is shut that down.
Yeah I know that there are parents out there who would kill for this to be the only "problem" with their son. I have no complaints he is intelligent, well behaved, a straight A student, never talks back or is rude and actually has goals (he wants to work on Wall Street). He was the type of kiddo that never even got spanked or even put in timeout even once.
However I wanted to check with others for an objective view to see if I was doing something wrong.
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