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We were watching a nature documentary today and a bear was shot and died and she was devastated, crying hysterically and kept asking about the bear afterwards. It was horrible, like a huge reaction. She's starting to get worried about everything we come across dying, asking if/when they will die, why they must die etc. I'm starting to get quite worried about this, I don't remember ever being this concerned about death.
This is actually a very good thing. Think about it. She is becoming aware that there is a start (birth) and end (death). What a smart 4 year old! I would talk to her about death and say that we all die. It is uncertain when we will die so we should live our life as best we can with the time given to us. X, who is sick, will get better. X, who is old, we should love even more. Or whatever your child would respond well to.
It is a shame for a parent to NOT use this as an opportunity to teach that life is short and we should live accordingly. Also a great premise for a lesson in the differences of others. Kids with cancer, people with mental disabilities. This is a great time to teach compassion.
I see years of therapy for kids raised with tbe idea life is shirt your gonna due. Really....thus us not a good idea for kids..... certainly not a 4 year old...no matter how smart.
I see years of therapy for kids raised with tbe idea life is shirt your gonna due. Really....thus us not a good idea for kids..... certainly not a 4 year old...no matter how smart.
Actually no... She is learning that there is an end. Eating a cookie means the end of the cookie and so forth. By teaching her that life ends and it is a normal process, she will not fear death. Right now she is going through the stages of grief every time she is exposed. Is that healthy? Accepting death is part of life. The sooner you learn that, the sooner you can move on and develop deeper emotions of empathy and sympathy.
Well, I would probably stop singing that song to her to start.
Other than that, this is pretty normal - and an important developmental phase. My girls had a good sense of death early on because we watched so much National Geographic :-) Some animals eat other animals...everything dies... The whole Lion King circle of life helped too.
You just never know what kids are thinking. I was in a movie theatre with a little girl I was babysitting. She was about 4 or 5. Out of no where, in the middle of the movie, she leans over to me and asks, "when you die and they bury you, do you get dirt in your eyes?" I whispered back, "no, they put you in a special box." She whispered back, "ok", and that was that.
I think your daughter is fine. Read those books - and maybe stop with the song since it upsets her so.
Actually no... She is learning that there is an end. Eating a cookie means the end of the cookie and so forth. By teaching her that life ends and it is a normal process, she will not fear death. Right now she is going through the stages of grief every time she is exposed. Is that healthy? Accepting death is part of life. The sooner you learn that, the sooner you can move on and develop deeper emotions of empathy and sympathy.
Learning about death is normal....being told over and over that everyone dies and told to deal with it...when long time spans are still sometimes blurry for kids this age? No...not good. That will just continue the cycle of a small child being scared, that everyone including herself, is about to drop dead at any second...yeah...to much of that and there are going to be issues.
Well, I would probably stop singing that song to her to start.
Other than that, this is pretty normal - and an important developmental phase. My girls had a good sense of death early on because we watched so much National Geographic :-) Some animals eat other animals...everything dies... The whole Lion King circle of life helped too.
You just never know what kids are thinking. I was in a movie theatre with a little girl I was babysitting. She was about 4 or 5. Out of no where, in the middle of the movie, she leans over to me and asks, "when you die and they bury you, do you get dirt in your eyes?" I whispered back, "no, they put you in a special box." She whispered back, "ok", and that was that.
I think your daughter is fine. Read those books - and maybe stop with the song since it upsets her so.
I'm hoping she'll forget about the song, she seems to have moved on to a new song obsession so fingers crossed, otherwise she gets upset that I don't sing the song.
Try the heaven story even if you are not religious. I grew up in a non-religious household but the heaven story was used to keep me happy; I was also worried about death a lot. (I believe that some people are just inclined to worry about such stuff and it might come back at a later point in her life at which she might turn to a religion or other spiritual philosophy.) It worked until about my 18th birthday. Then I started to question things again.
But for the sake up stopping the worrying now, and if you really find nothing else helps - do try the heaven story. It does not have to have any relgious connotations. I was always told "Person X can look down on you and is very happy about what you are doing." Etc. Etc. No notion of anything negative or that the person is watching and sees the negative things she might do at times. ONLY positive connotations and that the dead person is okay/happy or whatever.
If you don't want to use the word Heaven just say the Sky - and if she needs more then maybe tell her dead people and animals become stars or something. If your daughter is into Disney, maybe the scene when Ray dies and becomes a star in "Princess and the Frog" can help. Of course it's a lie, but if it reassures her, don't hesitate. I told my daughter the dead was now in the sky, it was enough for her.
I concur with others--this is simply a developmental stage many kids go through. My D was very worried at that age that I would die. All you can is keep reassuring her that you and she are safe and wait until she outgrows this.
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