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Would you allow them to hit it in a car at a public park? You know they already are.
Yes, I know teens have sex, I raised 2 boys. But, the questions for me is allowing it in my house and knowing that my son is doing somebody's daughter in his room and being ok with that. They can have at it all they want, just go find some place else to do it. If they want to do it in the park, then that will be on them.
No, I would not allow a 16 year old to have sex in my house under any circumstances. I wouldn't knowingly let my son have sex with somebody else's daughter in my house, because I wouldn't want another parent to allow my daughter to do the same. To me, that is just encouraging them to have sex. I know I couldn't totally stop them, but it just wont be in my house. If I'm away at work or out and about, then I obviously can't control what happens if I'm not there. But, they both will know where I stand on the issue. I would want no role in somebody's daughter getting pregnant, especially under my roof.
Well there is a horrific double standard.
The only reason your son can't **** a consenting girl his age is because you don't want your daughter to be doing the same. So if your son is screwing another boy (hey, he might be gay or bi), then does it cease to be an issue? Why must women be shamed?
If the girls parents told you openly that they were fine with it, would you be fine with it since it was your boy and not your girl?
I believe it is the shaming of women that leads to so many being ashamed of their sexuality and that in turn leads to many men that wish their wives were more interested in sex. Our culture and method of bringing up girls is the reason many women feel ashamed of doing something natural. Raise your children to be responsible and rationale adults that will be prepared for the adult world.
I believe it is the shaming of women that leads to so many being ashamed of their sexuality and that in turn leads to many men that wish their wives were more interested in sex. Our culture and method of bringing up girls is the reason many women feel ashamed of doing something natural. Raise your children to be responsible and rationale adults that will be prepared for the adult world.
This is actually very true.
This is off topic but I've always struggled with a lower libido and I first realized it in my teens with my first sexual experiences. Now I don't think it was necessarily caused by my upbringing as I believe it's more of a physiological/ hormonal issue, but it certainly didn't help that as an impressionable teen, I saw (and believed) the message everywhere that sex is bad, scary, risky and dangerous - especially for girls. Sex ed, in YA novels and TV shows and magazines all had the same story - boys just want sex, don't give in if you're not ready, they pressure you, it'll hurt, they'll get what they want and then dump you the next day and laugh at you with their friends, and then disappear, meanwhile you'll get pregnant, get STDs and DIE.
No kidding, I've read literally dozens such YA stories. And I was TERRIFIED of sex at first, and made my then-bf wait over a year, by which point he was 20 and a virgin, and understandably frustrated. At that point I did trust him and knew he loved me and was serious, but I was still beyond tense and terrified of being sexually active and getting pregnant etc. And then eventually we were both frustrated and upset that I wasn't particularly enjoying it. I remember feeling somewhat cheated when I never got the crazy hormone rush and dizzying loss of control that all the books and movies described. And it did cause tension in our relationship, still does to some extent, fifteen years later. And I still remember the slight confusion I had when I started reading Cosmo instead of Seventeen, and suddenly the message was no longer 'don't have sex', it was 'you'd better have tons of sex and love it and be really good at it'. With all the warnings of the evils of sex, no one ever warned me about the negatives of *not* having it, or the impact it can have in a loving committed relationship. Enjoyment and libido and the importance of sex in relationships and marriage weren't topics anyone ever addressed in sex ed or any teen materials. And even though I guess I'm in the minority and most people don't have these issues in their teens or otherwise, I wish they were better addressed and there wasn't such a dichotomy between the messages sent out to teen girls versus older women.
This is a tough one. Teens (some of them, anyway) are going to have sex no matter what we parents do about it. So my priority is to make sure my daughter doesn't get pregnant and that my son doesn't become a father (unwillingly or unwittingly).
For a daughter it's easier - there are shots and IUDs that don't require doing anything "in the moment" to prevent pregnancy. Take her to the clinic (mother probably needs to do this) and get it done.
For a son, you don't know whom he will be having sex with or how responsible she will be. The presumption should be that she will not act responsibly. That isn't shaming or judging, it's just reality. All this said, after a very detailed conversation I would probably let him have sex with his established girlfriend in my house, the alternative being in the car, the horse barn, a motel, or the house of somebody whose parents are out of town, all of which raise the risk factor just a little.
The only reason your son can't **** a consenting girl his age is because you don't want your daughter to be doing the same. So if your son is screwing another boy (hey, he might be gay or bi), then does it cease to be an issue? Why must women be shamed?
If the girls parents told you openly that they were fine with it, would you be fine with it since it was your boy and not your girl?
I believe it is the shaming of women that leads to so many being ashamed of their sexuality and that in turn leads to many men that wish their wives were more interested in sex. Our culture and method of bringing up girls is the reason many women feel ashamed of doing something natural. Raise your children to be responsible and rationale adults that will be prepared for the adult world.
No double standards at all, that's your take not mine. I said NO, not in my house to both my son and the girl and I said they can do it all they want but just not in my house with my blessings, that sounds pretty equal to me. If my son was gay, I would be saying the same thing, your thoughts are not mine. I also said under no circumstances, so it wont matter if the girl parents gives it the ok or not. Not in my house is not in my house.
No double standards at all, that's your take not mine. I said NO, not in my house to both my son and the girl and I said they can do it all they want but just not in my house with my blessings, that sounds pretty equal to me. If my son was gay, I would be saying the same thing, your thoughts are not mine. I also said under no circumstances, so it wont matter if the girl parents gives it the ok or not. Not in my house is not in my house.
Why is having sex in your house any different from having sex somewhere else? I don't understand this way of thinking.
And even though I guess I'm in the minority and most people don't have these issues in their teens or otherwise, I wish they were better addressed and there wasn't such a dichotomy between the messages sent out to teen girls versus older women.
I believe you are part of a majority that believes it is the minority because our society doesn't deliver the message. There are at least hundreds of millions living silently with the same story. I'd venture to billions, but I don't know the other cultures well enough to be certain.
No double standards at all, that's your take not mine. I said NO, not in my house to both my son and the girl and I said they can do it all they want but just not in my house with my blessings, that sounds pretty equal to me. If my son was gay, I would be saying the same thing, your thoughts are not mine. I also said under no circumstances, so it wont matter if the girl parents gives it the ok or not. Not in my house is not in my house.
Your original post stated a cause and effect relationship between your policy on your son and what you hoped other parents would do for your daughter. I didn't see much room for interpretation there.
Why is having sex in your house any different from having sex somewhere else? I don't understand this way of thinking.
Because that's my house rules for my kids based on my personal feelings of the issue. My boys are in their 20s now and they manage to become pretty good young men with healthy relationships with their girlfriends. We all have a good relationships and my rules didn't seem to damage them in any way.
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