Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 08-25-2015, 03:13 PM
 
15 posts, read 8,780 times
Reputation: 33

Advertisements

My lawyer is in NY. I appear to be done with them. I have been in NC the past year. They (the court) said they would not maintain jurisdiction in NY. I do not intend to continue with that lawyer. He totally sucks.

All I have right now is the court transcript. I haven't been sent anything else yet. I asked my lawyer for the court order about a month ago and he said it was not ready. I have not heard from him since then, except a few letters telling me my ex's side does not agree to change the location.

In the transcript, he says "all rendezvous will take place at the Richmond locale described." Yet the Richmond locale is exit XXX off I-95 and not in Richmond at all. So both are on the transcript and I am not sure what is on the court order yet.

I realize it should have been on me to check the exit, however in the moment I was just stunned. This is after more than a year of my lawyer telling me all visits would be in my town. There was an attempt to reopen the divorce (which I got by default) last December, after which my lawyer told me the judge said all visits would take place in my town. At our pre-trial hearing back in April we had all visits taking place in my town, and I was told that whatever was agreed upon at the pre-trial hearing would end up being more or less the final decision. Being told that I had to send my son to Philadelphia beginning now was a total shock. Not to mention that in the moment my lawyer was being a total a--hole and not letting me even have a moment to process and think. Yes I realize I should have looked at a map myself. But what we have is a location which obviously is not halfway, and which is not in Richmond as it is supposed to be, and it seems an easy thing to fix. On the other hand I would rather drive the extra hours than pay my lawyer hundreds more to attempt (and probably fail) to fix it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 08-25-2015, 03:15 PM
 
15 posts, read 8,780 times
Reputation: 33
I don't get it either! My only guess is my ex's lawyer suggested the spot, my lawyer is an a-- and did not check, so they just got away with it. And my mistake for believing my lawyer when he told me he had physically looked at a map. He initially told me that he was going to say city hall in Richmond as the meeting place, but then changed it to another spot in Richmond to avoid city traffic. Yeah, a place 1.5 hour north, just outside of DC!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-25-2015, 03:31 PM
 
6,293 posts, read 10,539,142 times
Reputation: 7505
Technically 95 through Richmond goes on for many many miles so it is possible your exit is just on the north side. Also Richmond probably would be half way because you said the drive will take you 8-9 hours (one way?) but given traffic in that area the 4.5 hours from Richmond to Philly will likely take much longer. Maybe they used actual driving time and not distance.

How old is your child? Is there reason to be concerned for safety? You said your ex was abusive and he has no family ties to PA. My guess is
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-25-2015, 03:35 PM
 
15 posts, read 8,780 times
Reputation: 33
The exit is Woodbridge, Virginia, 87 or so miles north of Richmond. Realistically another locale on the 81 could have been chosen to avoid DC/Richmond traffic.

I agree that Richmond would be halfway. Woodbridge is about 5.5 hours for me and 3-3.5 hours for my ex. Now this is not the biggest deal in the world, but considering I am supposed to drop my son off and turn around, it's an ordeal.

I don't even know how I am expected to do this. I work and I am in grad school full time, with no support from my ex. My ex loafs about and sponges off people and has never had stable employment. It's no big deal for him to drive but it can be disastrous for me and my schedule and ability to provide for my son.

Regarding danger, there have been domestic abuse cases. Obviously nothing was achieved by calling the police or attempting to get restraining orders against him. This was after harassment, public disturbances, etc. He even bit my mother. I don't think he's totally stable so I am not thrilled about him having visitation but what worries me more is 1. how I am supposed to get my son to the visit 2. how my son will have to travel so much every month and 3. how this is going to play out next year when my son is in school and can't just miss 3-4 days a month to go on out of state visits.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-25-2015, 03:46 PM
 
6,293 posts, read 10,539,142 times
Reputation: 7505
Can you stay in Richmond when your son is with your ex? Sort of a monthly get away. My big concern would be getting there and your ex not showing for pick up or drop off. Once school starts your ex will have to pick your son AFTER school lets out on Friday and you will have to pick up midday on Sunday so he is home in time for a good nights rest before school on Monday. If your ex has an issue with this then take him back to court in NC and when you file claim educational neglect.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-25-2015, 03:49 PM
 
15 posts, read 8,780 times
Reputation: 33
Well my hope was to tell my ex that school visits will have to take place during vacations. It will be on him to find out when those vacations are and notify me that he wants visits. According to the transcript at least he has to give 30 days notice.

I can't really afford to stay in Richmond. As of now son is supposed be dropped off 6pm Thursday and picked up 6pm Monday. I have class Friday and Monday so I must be back those days. In general I have school Monday-Friday and I MUST finish so I can provide for my son. Somehow my lawyer/the court didn't care that there is almost no way for me to do these visits. As it is I have a relative who will be driving my son for upcoming visits because I just won't be able to take him.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-25-2015, 03:57 PM
 
6,293 posts, read 10,539,142 times
Reputation: 7505
Well thankfully you have a relative to help.

Where is your ex living if he only made 9k last year? Is his house suited for a 4 year old? These are all real concerns and if you really want to change the plan you will have to start documenting things like that for when you go back to court. Make sure you file far enough in advance to have it settled before school starts. You may want to ask your ex, nicely, if he has given any thought to what will happen when school starts. I wouldn't suggest his having to give up his visitation for scheduled visits unless you want a fight. Also with your plan remember you will most like lose all holidays.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-25-2015, 06:08 PM
 
15 posts, read 8,780 times
Reputation: 33
Well, my ex gets one 4-day weekend per month. There is not a specified weekend, he just have to give 30 days' notice about which weekend he would like. I am supposedly allowed to choose which weekends I do not want to send our son, if we have plans. So my thought was most months in the school year have some kind of vacation (Labor Day, Presidents' Day, etc). That would give him Thanksgiving, one weekend over Christmas break. His only long vacation is 1 week next summer and 2 weeks starting the following summer. Otherwise he gets 4 nights a month. Even though it means I could lose Thanksgiving it's not the end of the world because I would still have the majority of parenting time.

I am worried about going back to court because obviously it could just waste more money and I am happy that my ex only has 4 nights a month and didn't get all of Christmas or half of/all of the summer. (He actually asked for only 2 weeks in the summer and one weekend per month so I guess he got what he wanted. He never wanted custody.) As of now his second visit is coming up. He does want this visit because he has some people he wants to introduce our son to, kind of to show off what a great father he is.

Regarding his $9000/year, he gets money under the table and some money from his family. He is able to rent some rooms in a house owned by some people. Not wonderful conditions but not bad enough that the court would mind.

I do have a consultation this week with a local attorney. I would like to see where I stand, and to see if there's any way to change things, or what to expect for the future.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top