Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
She might be smoking tea because she thinks it's healthier, harmless, "not really" smoking, better than cigarettes or pot, or something along those lines. When I was in high school some of the cool kids smoked clove cigarettes because they "weren't real."
You have two choices: Ignore it and hope it goes away. (It won't)
Quietly and calmly tell her it needs to be discussed and resolved.
Parenting is a really hard job when they get to be 15. Prepare yourself to be accused of "snooping in my things". Quietly and calmly tell her that you weren't snooping and that isn't the problem.
Explain that you have a duty to keep her safe and you need to know if this is something that can hurt her. Don't allow her to ruffle your feathers. If it gets to the shouting stage, leave the room and tell her you'll return when she can speak quietly and calmly; meanwhile, she isn't to leave the house. And you'll take her phone, thank you.
Eventually, this crisis will get worked out and then it's on to the next one. Sorry.
You aught to just throw the pipe out. Could be the end of the story right there,. Teens do silly things....tell her to be careful if she wants to experiment.
I remember when I was 14 or 15 I'd heard about how dryed out banana peels could be smoked for a high. Mom found the peels drying in the window, asked me what i thought I was trying to do, and threw them out....I felt bad...end of story.
Unless she mixed something into the tea, then it's "pure". I only know that because we are pretty avid tea drinkers and the bag of tea I found was a "primo" blend we bought last year that had barely been used. I didn't notice the bag had gone missing since it was shoved in the cupboard with many others, until I found it in her things and next to the Mary Kay oil blotting papers that were used as rolling papers (good grief, those probably are doing more damage than the tea!).
I had an "aha" moment earlier when I realized she had probably started close to the end of school, around the time she started to take "long walks" and be more active and sometimes sit on around the local green space and draw. It could also have been a few months before that because I times I noticed a weird smell (bark dust burning) and asked her about it but chalked it up to possibly the bark dust outside getting too hot with this heat wave.
I'm conflicted because I do put weed on par with alcohol. I think they can be safely enjoyed in moderation by adults and god knows as a teen I was a pot head, but a good kid and that's all I ever did in the way of drugs. She is also a good kid with great grades.
Anyhow, I've got a week before she comes back from visiting with family to figure this out and sit down with her. Now I'm contemplating if I should do an even more in depth search of her room. WWYD? Keep the advice coming and thank you all for your helpful comments. It most certainly isn't easy being a parent.
- please excuse the typos, I'm writing this from my phone
You aught to just throw the pipe out. Could be the end of the story right there,. Teens do silly things....tell her to be careful if she wants to experiment.
I remember when I was 14 or 15 I'd heard about how dryed out banana peels could be smoked for a high. Mom found the peels drying in the window, asked me what i thought I was trying to do, and threw them out....I felt bad...end of story.
This.
I had contraband in my room when I was in 9th grade and one day it was just GONE. My parents never mentioned it, but they knew that I knew that they knew. That was enough to get me to stop because I knew if I was caught again, it wouldn't just disappear the second time.
However, I do recommend doing your due diligence to determine exactly what it is, why she might have it (quantity = selling?) and then base your actions on how she has been doing - good grades in school? involved socially in a positive way? nice friends? good attitude in general? If you answer "yes" to those questions, then it may be a one-time experiment type of thing that she fell into. If you answer "no" to those questions, then it's time for a tough conversation with her.
While I'm far from a teen these days, I'd say I'm still plenty young enough to remember parts of it....and despite looking at it now as a stupid way of thinking, any time my parents came down on me hard for something, the first time out - it only made me want to do it, BAD, just to spite them. This is how I became a regular cigarette smoker, lol. I had tried it once or twice, but never liked it, and couldn't figure out how/why people actually seemingly enjoyed it.
Until, one fateful night, I had returned home from a party with a pack of smokes from a friend who was wearing very tight fitting shorts, and literally couldn't fit the pack in her pockets. Mom found it, and went absolutely ballistic right from the get go, despite telling her they weren't mine. Even at 18 years old, my thoughts were "I'll show her! I'm GOING to smoke them now!!! If I'm going to be accused of it, I might as well do it!!!". Yep...got addicted...almost succeeded in quitting long term this year, 17 years later...
Looking back on it now, yeah...I see her side. Parents expect their kids to claim ignorance, or deny ownership. It certainly wasn't the first, nor the last, time I'd lied to Mom about where I was, or what I did.. Mom knew it, I knew it...how was she to know that I was actually telling the truth at that point?
Hell, I bet there's even people reading this now thinking "yeah...sure...STILL telling the lie that they were hers, and not yours...", and that's what we've been led to believe for many years now - if a kid is found with drugs, alcohol, or anything that _could_ be used as drugs or drug paraphernalia, then they MUST be up to no good. This is not to defend, or encourage the use of, drugs, rather just noting an observation.
You know your kid better than any of us, OP, and will know the best tactic to approach this with. I don't blame my mother in any way for "making" me a smoker, that was my choice, and my choice only to continue smoking for all these years. But, I do often wonder if she had approached it in a different way, if the outcome had been different for me? With my own experiences, and what I've seen happen to others, I do feel that if you're bringing the full wrath down on your kid like that, you've already lost the battle.
Ask her. I'm not being sarcastic. She's the only one who can answer the what and why.
I second that motion. But then, we wouldn't have the fun of a shiny new thread speculating about all the bad things OP's kid could be doing with these items, now would we
Educate her fully on everything there is to know about drugs and alcohol, what and how much is safe, what and how much can and will destroy her life and the lives of those she loves. Be as honest as possible so that she will trust what you are telling her. Make sure your drive home what can happen if she makes the wrong choices, show her with her own eyes if possible, or watch a movie/documentary/YouTube of folks who made the wrong decisions.
My dad went so far as to teach me how to experiment with things like pot and alcohol safely - in a safe environment, with people you trust with your life, don't drive anywhere, don't experiment so much that it could get you addicted to affect your chances at getting a job later in life, don't experiment with hard stuff because they can hook you really fast and then your life is a million times harder than it has to be, if you love through it, etc etc.
Teens experiment, it's what they do. Teach her what she needs to know so that she can experiment safely. Look up the negative health effects of smoking tea, the chemicals in the papers she's using to roll, etc etc.
Refrain from the temptation to just forbid and punish. All that teaches her is to not get caught. You want her to choose not to do it in the first place.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Mom knew it, I knew it...how was she to know that I was actually telling the truth at that point? 
