Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
When my oldest daughter was in preschool, her teacher told me that she was uncooperative and would not listen to her teachers when told to do something. This surprised me, as she was very obedient at home and I knew she liked preschool and her teachers, so I didn't think she would be purposefully disruptive.
I volunteered in the classroom the following day, so I could observe for myself. At one point, she was very involved in a puzzle, when her teacher called her over to join another activity. She did so by saying something along the lines of, "R, would you like to do X now?" Well, my child looked up briefly from her puzzle, and said "No" and then went right back to work. Her teacher looked at me as if to say, "See? THAT'S what I'm talking about!" I knew immediately that my child was being literal, and taking the teacher's "request" at face value. "Would you LIKE to do X now?"
I TOLD my daughter, "R, go over to Mrs. Teacher and do that activity right now." and she did. No fuss.
After class, I explained to the teacher that R was extremely literal (moreso than most 4-year olds) and that they had to rephrase the "question" if it was truly a command. I also spoke to my daughter and explained how the teacher wasn't really asking a question, she was telling her to do something. That was a more difficult conversation and required us to practice at home several times (I had previously adjusted the way I spoke to her, to always give commands rather than ask).
Now, you are 21 years old, not a preschooler with Aspberger's. You KNOW what your mom's intentions are, so why be deliberately obtuse? It is disrespectful and immature. You ought to be grateful for the support she's giving you; she shouldn't have to ask at all, but if she does, then help her out without giving the poor woman a headache over how she phrases the request!
When I was 5, and my younger brother was 4, we were seated at the dinner table. My younger brother did not want to eat his carrots. Dad told him to eat his carrots, younger brother replied: "Eat them yourself, Dad".
I guarantee you after the punishment he received, we never came back with a smart ass response like, "no" or "why don't you do it". We just did. Mutual respect? Yeah, we respected their wishes, and they respected us for doing the job.
There was no "asking" and no excuses as to why they asked....I would never have respected that as a child.
So you only respect a person's authority if that person beats you (I'm assuming that's what you are referring to, correct me if I'm wrong)?
There was never a person of authority in your life who earned your respect by respecting you, instead of beating you?
My kids respect me because I respect them. I establish boundaries and enforce them with discipline, but I am always willing to explain the boundaries and the reasons for them to my children, and I don't beat them for testing boundaries. I give them reasonable consequences. Hell, I even explain to them why I am giving them consequences, and why I think they are reasonable. And listen and consider if they have a question.
Some people have really weird definitions of what it means to be respectful, I'm noticing.
So you only respect a person's authority if that person beats you (I'm assuming that's what you are referring to, correct me if I'm wrong)?
There was never a person of authority in your life who earned your respect by respecting you, instead of beating you?
My kids respect me because I respect them. I establish boundaries and enforce them with discipline, but I am always willing to explain the boundaries and the reasons for them to my children, and I don't beat them for testing boundaries. I give them reasonable consequences. Hell, I even explain to them why I am giving them consequences, and why I think they are reasonable. And listen and consider if they have a question.
Some people have really weird definitions of what it means to be respectful, I'm noticing.
Where in my post did I say our Dad beat us?
Your assumptions make the rest of your post null and void.
1. It is called an allowance. Which teaches them about money. By 14 an young adult should be getting $400 from you. This way they can experience life. I don't know how you raise your kid, but there limits.
2. You want them to leave you one day. Them having an job and pushing themselves to get as far away from you is number one. Unless what they do is something that requires a lot of family help. I know many people move out the moment they have an job but, renting is like burning money for nothing. I would rather have an crappy house then rent.
3. It depends on if they take advantage of your household. If your wealthy or not.
1. It is called an allowance. Which teaches them about money. By 14 an young adult should be getting $400 from you. This way they can experience life. I don't know how you raise your kid, but there limits.
2. You want them to leave you one day. Them having an job and pushing themselves to get as far away from you is number one. Unless what they do is something that requires a lot of family help. I know many people move out the moment they have an job but, renting is like burning money for nothing. I would rather have an crappy house then rent.
3. It depends on if they take advantage of your household. If your wealthy or not.
4. responsibility is responsibility.
And how does handing a 14 yr old $400 a month encourage them to work?
Because you do not want them to work. You want them to go outside and learn how to use there money. This was debate an long time ago about how much should an person get as allowance. This way when your pay comes in they do not have to ask you for any money. If they run out of money then they suffer. Go to bar or brunch with your kid, then THEY PAY THERE SHARE. New clothing, car, etc.........see how it works.
An teenager should be doing two things. Interacting with the opposite sex, and or getting good grades. They need to interact/socialize with people ( no matter what age ) in order to feel normal, and be more normal with the people around them. If they are alone and have nothing in there lives. It will impact them later.
When I fill out applications, for jobs. They ask me for people they could contact. When I ask for work, in my field they will just get there friends the job and stiff me with the work with no merit.
You want them to learn HOW TO BE RESPONSIBLE WITH THERE MONEY. Not learn how to beg for there money ( if that is the route for your child ). It like being on an diet. You have to be forced on the diet or either get an $4000 a month job and move into another place so you can start making choices of good food. Fat people are fat because they are inside an room with fat people.
A. When you give them money for chores they earn an dollar
B. They will have moderate time to focus on studies
C. Will be able to interact with friends, loved ones, and
D. Find there place in society.
In my opinion forcing an kid into the working world without having the experience of having an spending/earning habit will create problems later in life. Like myself I am learning now.
You could either play the cheapo parent game, or try to integrate this as an way to save yourself time and money. Reason why people are broke is because they have to learn how to moderate. Sometimes this lesson can take forever to learn, which slows down people.
I think a kid can learn to budget money with far less than $400 a month. Mine all worked part time in high school, and used their earnings to pay for gas and extras beyond the clothes they needed and birthday/holiday gifts. They never got an allowance, but we paid for school, cars, insurance, food, sports, etc. And I assure you, it cost far more than $400 a month.
So in your view, the kid gets that much money, and then pays for everything he needs out of it? Gee, why didn't I think of that?
I remember when I was very young I said no to my parents once. Their reaction was a raised eyebrow. Scared me so badly I never said no again!!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
