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I find it interesting that you criticize the woman who raised you alone for having you when she couldn't afford you, but say nothing about your father who hasn't been around at all.
^^^ THIS!! ^^^
You have no idea how much your mother has sacrificed for you. You will not comprehend it for years to come. When you finally do have some comprehension, you will feel ashamed of what you've said about your mom.
Wow, this is why people say my generation is filled with entitled brats who should be shown the door on their 18 birthday. I just can't with this post.
My parents did help me pay for college and I even lived with them while I was in school and commuted since it was nearby (you know, there weren't funds for me to live off campus, so instead of taking out lots of loans, I just commuted). I bought and maintained my own car, including gas/insurance, to facilitate commuting because I drove a lot between school and the various jobs all over town that I held while in college. I will be forever grateful for them allowing me to live at home until I graduated, and for their financial assistance. Note that they didn't pay everything, just what the scholarships did not cover. I think all parents should do this provided they are able to and their child is responsible enough to not waste such a precious gift. If junior is failing out of class and making no effort whatsoever, forget it.
However, you state your mother only makes 28K a year, which likely means she has done well to keep things as together as she has. You are incredibly rude to say that is pathetic. Would you prefer she didn't work at all? At least she's trying! Then you say: "As if food in my stomach ensures spontaneous abundance of riches and success ( which it totally doesn't by the way)." No, it just ensures that you are provided with the necessities you need to live another day. And why didn't your mother plan?? For real? A lot of things change in 18 years! You can't plan for everything. You are, in my opinion, incredibly harsh towards your mother who has obviously worked very hard to provide the best she could for your ungrateful self.
Anyway, in this case she obviously isn't able to contribute and she probably feels terrible (judging from the OP, she shouldn't) so no, you continuing to bring it up is not going to magically give her a higher wage and make her able to help you through school. You have several options though because of her income. You can:
-apply for and receive more aid than someone who's parents make $70K a year but choose not to contribute to their child's post-high school education
-apply for all the scholarships you can, because even though full rides are hard to get you can try to cobble together some partials to cover the majority of your cost
-go to community college first because that's considerably cheaper and then transfer to a university, you can even get a transfer scholarship if you go that route if you do well enough in school...my friend did that
-go to trade school and pick that up and work for awhile and then go to college (or you may prefer said trade)
-get a job and start saving $$ yourself
-you CAN take out loans, but it can be really hard to dig yourself out of student loan debt and I recommend avoiding that as much as you can
-join the military although that may be seen as an extreme option
-to save some money you can rent books or buy used versions, i never had use for a textbook when class was over anyway, and even if it's an old version of the book there isn't usually enough of a difference to matter (YMMV with this though...don't do that for certain network certification study material)
So you see you have a lot of options that go beyond the bank of Mom, and I say that as someone whose parents DID help me financially after graduating high school...but if they hadn't been able to, I would've found a way to go at it without their help.
I don't know where you live now, but I don't recommend moving to the most expensive city in the country to try and attend college because A) how will you afford to live there? people struggle WITH a college education! B) most schools have higher rates that can be double or even more than double for out of state vs in state residents, and in CA at least you have to live there a year before you're considered a resident (not sure about NY). You can surround yourself with "people to look up to" anywhere. Unless you can somehow get a 100% full ride including housing, or you are studying something extremely specialized and you have to go to a school in NYC, it's much smarter to stay local and move to a place like NYC after you have some higher earning power, however you go about getting that.
One way your mom can help you, if she chooses to, is allowing you to live with her while you are in school...no shame in asking that. I know some posters will disagree with me when I say that but I really don't see anything wrong with a full time student living at home as long as they contribute to the household somehow (monetary or otherwise). I'm glad I waited until I was 21 and done with school to move out instead of 18...I think I'm financially better off.
Although with the attitude expressed in your posts, I'm not sure if I would want you living with me...yikes!
Location: In Thy presence is fulness of joy... Psa 16:11
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You don't know what you have, and how blessed you've been.
Your mother gave you life -- she didn't abort you!
She raised you, instead of giving you up to relatives, the System or the gypsies (yeah, they're still around) to raise.
She trained you to do all the "little things" in life that make daily living either horrible or pleasant. (Think I'm over-reacting? What's the difference between a home-cooked meal and a frozen TV dinner?? There you go.)
And it's so hard that you have to work to get through college? In the Navy we had this answer for those who didn't know when to stop sniveling: Call 1-800-NAVYWAA.
Sorry to sound sarcastic, but really! Time to grow up, friend.
Do these things to help yourself:
1. Send an "I love you Mom" card to your mother every month. (Mean it, too.)
2. Apologize for the times you've been a demanding, unthankful brat.
3. Thank the Lord for a mother who CARES about you!
4. Carefully check into this college. Be HONEST with yourself. Ask:
a. Can I get this education some place cheaper?
b. Can I find a work-study program to help me pay my way through? Look at this idea: Work Program | Warren Wilson College
c. Can I apprentice under someone and get some of my education "hands on"?
d. Do I really NEED a college education?
5. Trade schools are shorter and far cheaper. You see lots of Ph.D's flipping burgers; but you don't see too many plumbers! Humble yourself and ask: What can I learn to do that will always be in demand? It might not give your ego a lift, but it may show you the way to make an honest living without thousands of dollars of college bills to pay back, a strained relationship with your mom, and maybe a degree that will turn out worthless to you.
Did your mother and father go to college? Did your aunts and uncles go to college?
I suspect they did not. Someone who did not go to college, or have close relatives go to college, often is totally lost and naïve about things that come very naturally in other families. As an example, in the schools in my area, 8th graders plan their tentative courses for the entire four years of HS.
By that time, students, and their parents, know that they are going to college and plan appropriate college prep classes. Some 8th graders even have a few ideas of their main areas of interest (math vs. sciences vs. English/literature, etc). Some students start visiting college campuses as early as after their freshman or sophomore year of HS. Some students start taking practice tests or ACT/SAT as sophomores.
However, if your parents and other relatives did not attend college they would not be familiar with these things so they could not help you get started because they just don't know what to do.
I will share an example. We have close friends of our family. Both parents are blue collar workers. While their daughter is attending college she is doing an unusual type of program. The two year community college has a program where instead of the students going to a four year college campus or attending a University they send a few professors to teach a few upper level courses at the two year community college.
Their daughter will get a college degree, but will never leave the two year campus so in many ways it is like a glorified HS. She is working almost full time while she is taking classes and living at home so she will not have any debt when she graduates. That is wonderful, but she has never attended any campus activities or joined any campus clubs or attended any lectures, plays, concerts or anything else except for her classes. To my knowledge, there are not any minority students or foreign students or even students from out of state at her campus. Almost 100% of the students come from a short driving distance of the campus and only attended a couple of local high schools.
She and her parents are ecstatic about this program but people (friends & her aunt) who have attended the tradition college/University campuses (either for four years or the last two years) think that she is missing out on so many things. Since her parents did not attend college they do not see this at all. Obviously, the girl does not know what she is missing out on because she does not know anything else.
You make some great points here, my parents did understand how to be college prep parents and were able to guide me in that direction (I thought they were overzealous at the time, actually, but now I'm glad they were the way they were!) but if they aren't familiar with the process it can be hard to find the guidance you need to get on the college path. High school guidance counselors aren't always helpful, most of the ones at my school were just interested in getting you out of their office as quickly as possible...there were some good ones, but by my senior year they had left for greener pastures. I had a different counselor assigned to me every year. That can put you at a disadvantage but you just have to be motivated enough to figure it out yourself and seek guidance elsewhere (friends' parents, other relatives)?
As to your friends' daughter, I think that is a pretty nice program for people who don't want to take out loans to go away to a 4 year university (I have no idea where you live, I have had four year universities within commuting distance everywhere I've lived, but I recognize not everyone does). I think it depends on what you want out of college. I worked between 20-40 hours a week, mostly closer to 40, and attended two schools for two semesters because the certification classes that I wanted were not offered at my university...(worth it for the career jump start and transfer credit) and I did not have time for campus activities, lectures, plays, concerts, etc (plenty of concerts on my own though!) I definitely did not have the "college experience". I lived at home too and commuted to school. As a consequence I am not in touch with anyone I went to college with because it's hard to maintain a friendship through the years when the only thing you have in common is a class one semester long. I suppose some would see that as a sad thing and if you WANT the college experience to find yourself and figure out who you are as an adult, I can see why you would think that. For me it was means to an end and my life really started evolving after I graduated, so i am not upset about the things I missed out on. I think both ways of looking at it are valid
I guess your right but i know how my mom is. She isnt a crazy person but she doesn't provide a environment for studying. And im 22 and i need to move out. Become an adult. That is one saying i stick to "Surround yourself with who you want to be". Thats my motto. Thats one of the reasons. Another reason why i want to move to New York is because im young, single, with no responsibility. And in 10 years ( after i graduate ) i want to move to another country. And New York being an international state i think ill get a glimpse of alot of different cultures and hopefully go to a college with a great study abroad program that i'll be able to use to go somewhere and actually experience life outside the states.
I thought you graduated high school two years ago, but you're 22?? Am I crazy?
And you still live at home with her? What are you doing with your life right now?? Are you working? Contributing to the household in any way at all?
EDIT I see you said you didn't start thinking about college until two years after high school, so it has now been four years, what have you been doing for those other two years???
Last edited by blind spot; 07-09-2015 at 05:59 AM..
My parents paid for my room and board in the dorms- and told me that if I moved out of the dorms room and board would be on me and not on them. I stayed in the dorms all four years- my senior year there were only two other seniors on my floor, including my roommate. Tuition was on me and I will be paying back student loans for about another seven years. I had scholarships- one was a work/study scholarship so I put in time working in the dorm cafeteria for two years and as an attendant in the gymnasium for two years. I can honestly say that since I was paying, I worked harder in college. I knew kids that had free rides, whose parents paid for everything, and most of them were slackers who partied more than studied.
My parents paid for my room and board in the dorms- and told me that if I moved out of the dorms room and board would be on me and not on them. I stayed in the dorms all four years- my senior year there were only two other seniors on my floor, including my roommate. Tuition was on me and I will be paying back student loans for about another seven years. I had scholarships- one was a work/study scholarship so I put in time working in the dorm cafeteria for two years and as an attendant in the gymnasium for two years. I can honestly say that since I was paying, I worked harder in college. I knew kids that had free rides, whose parents paid for everything, and most of them were slackers who partied more than studied.
i knew kids who had to pay their own way 100% (including rent and all living expenses) and missed classes because of their jobs...and struggled with sleep deprivation, stress...they also were only able to afford part time student status so it took them much longer to obtain their degree. I don't think generalizations are helpful, not all kids who get parental help are slacking who party all their parents' money away. Working your way through is obviously doable but I don't think it should be the only option unless it has to be. If your kid has a strong work ethic in high school and is driven and motivated to succeed that's not going to evaporate completely once they attend college, and if it does then cut off the support. But give your kids a chance if they show in high school that they deserve one. I don't see why as a parent you would want your kid to be in debt for 10 years if you have the ability to lessen or eliminate that debt. I don't think kids should get life handed to them on a silver platter, but I also don't think helping them out if they are deserving of that help is doing that.
I came from blue collar parents that barely finished HS. I was one of 3 kids, so they couldn't really spluge well on us, so when it came time for college, we were on our own really.
Fortunately, I selected a good career - Engineering. I had $50K in loans, but got a good job and was able to pay those off well before age 30. If anything, having skin in the game really motivated me to focus on what I was doing. I held a job, got an engineering degree, and even managed to become a licensed electrician. Yeah...I was driven.
Now, i'm not saying I wouldn't help my kids, but give them everything on a platter I will not. If they want a car at age 16, they can get a job to help pay for it. Maybe not 100%, but something. If they want t ogo to college, they also need to have some skin in the game.
Over in the economics forums, it's always stated that people do not get a good education in school on finances, and planning. Well, in my opinion, parents who hand their kids everything til age 26 aren't helping the causes as well. I'm not saying let the kid fail and have dire consequences, but let them experience a little struggle in life might prove to be a very valuable lesson.
Last edited by BostonMike7; 07-09-2015 at 07:27 AM..
What does your mother owe you? Until you turned 18, she owed you food, clothing, a roof over your head, and safety. That is it. If you got more, great. If not, then that's a problem.
No one is EVER owed a college education! Your mother earns $28K a year (that is not what her take home pay is....not even close) so how do you expect her to pay for your schooling? How about you get off you butt and get a job? Get student loans? Get financial aid from the college? YOU have to do the work. Not her! She did her job. She raised you.
And you sound like an ungrateful little snot. With your attitude, I wouldn't pay for your college even if I was a millionaire. You have such a ridiculous sense of entitlement. Join the grown ups in the real world!
[New paragraph ... see what a good idea that is?] One thing about your post that brought me up short was your announcement that you're moving to New York City. Where did you get the funds for that? It's possibly THE most expensive city in the nation. You can get a lot of learning and sophistication without going straight to the top. How do you expect to live there with no education and no experience beyond housekeeping without any money? Even if you can get a job paying you a salary equal or better to your mother's, there won't be a lot left over for college tuition expenses.
Maybe the OP saw that JLo movie Maid in Manhattan where the hotel maid falls in love with a rich guy and becomes a hotel manager......it only took her years and she lost her job. But you know how everything in Hollywood has a happy ending. Notice I said Hollywood and not Manhattan.
No clue why anyone in their right mind without an education or a fat bank account would move to NYC and believe they're going to make a better life for themselves. Has the OP even been to NYC? What's portrayed on tv is nothing like it is in real life. Not even close.
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