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You are not wrong for wanting your mother to teach you the skills needed to be successful in the real world. However you need to make a very important realization. Your mother DOES NOT KNOW how to be "successful in the real world." This is evident by the fact that her yearly income is 28K. If she knew how to be successful in the world, she would teach you. She doesn't know. She knows how to clean, and how to feed her kid. she can't teach you what she can't do herself. She can't give you what she doesn't have and isn't able to get. Stop blaming her, just realize that while your mom loves you, you cannot get from her what you need in this area.
Find a mentor who has been "successful in the real world". Ask successful people how to do it (like you are doing on this board, this is good). Keep asking successful people and follow their advice. (If an unsuccessful person gives you advice, then smile and nod, but assume they are most likely completely wrong.)
People make a lot of plans. Sometimes life doesn't turn out like you hope. Where is your dad in all of this?
Long story short he's an absent father so my hopes aren't up because he is very unreliable. He's one of those people that says he'll do something and doesn't do it . Very annoying btw. Something i don't want my son to be saying about me ( or daughter).
im not whining and if im giving off that impression i didnt mean to im just skeptical if that makes any sense?
Skeptical? Honestly, no it doesn't make sense.
Accept that your mother isn't able to financially help you. Accept that your mother doesn't understand why you're wanting this route/career choice and that it's hard for her to get behind this and support it.
These are realities that other young people have to face as well. A lot of them forged ahead and made their way in life.
It's real easy to talk about how you're going to be the better parent and how you're going to do so much more. I hope you realize your mother most likely had the same aspirations and thoughts when she was younger. At the rate you're going now, you're not going to go that much further ahead than she. You're focusing on entirely on the wrong things (your mother's failures for instance). You should be at your CC, trying to line out your future and working with the Counselor/Guidance people on how to get ahead, how to get financial support (your mother does not know the ins and outs of these sort of things).
I feel its really weird that i have to beg my mother to give me money for a higher education. Thats something i should be getting without asking?
Um...NO, it isn't.
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Originally Posted by tht1guy
Why do I feel neglected? Am i overreacting?
No idea why you feel neglected, and I don't know what you are overreacting to.
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Originally Posted by tht1guy
I kind of understand she makes $28,000 a year ( which is just downright pathetic but whatev). I feel like crap asking but its like she doesn't even care? Like isn't that the main reason why you become a parent? Because you have the capabilities to prepare a human being for the world ahead of them. I just feel like she hasn't given me the skills to actually make a decent living.
You canNOT be serious.
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Originally Posted by tht1guy
Iv'e Brought this up her not giving what i need to succeed before and all she has to say is " Well I fed you?" As if food in my stomach ensures spontaneous abundance of riches and success ( which it totally doesn't by the way). I guess i shouldn't complain because i had a home warm food and a bath to clean myself. But at the same time how does that help me long term?? I was brought up on a strict household. There was total blockage from the outside world. Cleaning. Thats the extent of my knowledge. How to do dishes. How to clean the bathroom. How to cut grass. How to fold blankets. She was SO CONVINCED on teaching me about what goes on inside the house she neglected to properly inform me about life outside . I just don't want to end up like her and i don't see why she doesn't see that. I know i need to go back to school ( and i will) i just want some help from the one person thats helped me with everything else. So the question is?? Are parents qualified as a parent when they don't prepare their children from the outside world??
I am mature I hear alot of people saying that. I don't think she owes me everything. Im just pointing out a very important moment i'm my life that my mother didn't plan for. I don't know about you but i plan on sending my son/daughter out the house with more than a pat on the back? In my opinion Parents are supposed to plan for the real world so i can survive. Not get some crap job and scrapping up change from the ground. I want to make sure i give me kids the skills and preparation to be successful not to be mediocre. Just me but hey maybe i'm wrong for wanting a little more.
Has it really not occurred to you that if your mother has been supporting the two of you on $28K, maybe she is just too tired and worn down by the struggles of life to be thinking about much more than surviving?
Your writing skills are atrocious. I don't know if you can do better and it's just that you're not bothering because "this is just an Internet forum and so it doesn't matter blah blah blah", or if you really have a learning issue. But if you don't have a disability, why didn't YOU prepare for college by paying attention in school and learning to spell and punctuate and present yourself properly? If you do have a disability, maybe she just never thought you would be able to aspire to college because of it.
I am mature I hear alot of people saying that. I don't think she owes me everything. Im just pointing out a very important moment i'm my life that my mother didn't plan for. I don't know about you but i plan on sending my son/daughter out the house with more than a pat on the back? In my opinion Parents are supposed to plan for the real world so i can survive. Not get some crap job and scrapping up change from the ground. I want to make sure i give me kids the skills and preparation to be successful not to be mediocre. Just me but hey maybe i'm wrong for wanting a little more.
Well...I hate to pile on, but come on!!
Did YOU plan for this very important moment in your life???
My parents were middle to lower middle class (always had jobs and insurance, TERRIBLE with money) There was NEVER an expectation that they would pay for college. On some level I realized IN SECOND GRADE that I better do well in school if I want to go to a good college and be successful in life. Each year the picture became clearer: by middle school I understood what the "top" colleges were and roughly what I needed to do to get there. It was also CLEAR TO ME that my parents were BROKE! They tried to act like they weren't, but when you're semi-aware of what's going on around you, do you really think parents who can't keep the phones and electricity on are going to "step up" when it's time for college?? No. I figured that out by 8th grade.
Luckily for me, my parents meant well. They were just TERRIBLE with finances. So by 10th grade I was attending info sessions at local colleges and requesting info by mail from farther away ones. I made a plan and I REMINDED my parents CONSTANTLY about the "plan." Some work was necessary on their part--paperwork, etc., so I had to stay on them if I was going to keep my scholarships!! It was still a challenge. And I had to work all through college to cover expenses other than tuition. My parents WANTED to help with room and board, and later rent. But they just couldn't be counted on, so I learned to look at what they gave me as an UNEXPECTED GIFT. And, OP, let me tell you: THAT MADE ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD! I no longer resented them, but appreciated any help I received.
OP, you're blaming your mom for things you had control over. And you're lucky she taught you as many life skills as she did. Use those skills to make some money to help with your expenses!!
My mom and dad make three times more money than your mom.... They didn't help me one red cent.... I don't care if they help me or not, I grew up with zero help from EVERYONE.... Not Republicans and definitely not Democrats.... I got loans and paid them back with interest... I find it funny that a lot of people told me that I owe them.... My children will have about $150k each when they go to college, not because they deserved it or because I am well off now... Not even the faulty logic of earning more with a college degree... I do it because my kids are too dang cute... You can have lots of reason to do it but it doesn't make the person you are.... You don't have to do it and it still doesn't change the person you are... In the end, college is for yourself, didn't matter who paid for it...
Long story short he's an absent father so my hopes aren't up because he is very unreliable. He's one of those people that says he'll do something and doesn't do it . Very annoying btw. Something i don't want my son to be saying about me ( or daughter).
I find it interesting that you criticize the woman who raised you alone for having you when she couldn't afford you, but say nothing about your father who hasn't been around at all.
I have always felt, that I would do ANYTHING to help my kids succeed and hopefully do better than me in life. After all, they didn't ask to be here.
This includes giving them all the money they need to excel in the college of their choosing. Frankly, I feel honored and privileged to be able to do just that. Nothing gives me more gratification, than helping my kids succeed.
But for some people, and I don't know your financial situation, that isn't smart.
A kid with a history degree from NYU with $150,000.00 in student loans is screwed from the get go.
Not all kids need to go to the college of their choosing.
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im not whining and if im giving off that impression i didnt mean to im just skeptical if that makes any sense?
